In response to Elizabeth Barrett Brownings Sonnets from the Portueguese no. 43 (and to all Victorian literature)

How do I loathe thee? Let me count the ways.
I loathe thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling full of spite
For the ends of Emptiness and refined Contempt.
I loathe thee to the level of everyday’s
Most vile thought, by moon and star-light.
I loathe thee enslaved, as men fall from Right,
I loathe thee blinded, as they live for Praise.
I loathe thee with the hatred set to destroy
In my new joys, and with my experience’s discontent.
I loathe thee with a fury I seemed to find
With my found demons,—I loathe with the breath,
Griefs, tears, of all my life!—and, if Devil grants,
I shall but loathe thee forever beyond life.

I hate Victorian prose and poetry (the class). The actual material, eh, i'm apathetic =P

So basically, xanga has massively evolved since my high school days when i acknowledged it's existence. Okay. I can barely navigate through it. I'm an old hag =P

but there was a glory phase when i used to write in here religiously and have insightful things to say. I used to be a tactful and decently well written. Now it's a lot of psychobabble.

i digress.

It's funny how being in the right place, right time changes everything. Every little detail matters. Asking just the right question means you know so much of someone in one statement... and it can mean everything to one person while being just a statement to the other.

What's even more terrifying is how society trains us to be alone... to be isolated, separated beings that focus on only ourselves so we can get ahead in society. Why am I in college? so I can get a good job. so I can have a leg up on Joe Schmoe over there that DIDN'T go to ____ college. Yes, I paid out of my ass and yes, I hated every second of it, but I have the $200,000 piece of paper that says I survived and I'm better qualified than Joe Schmoe. No, I didn't really make friends because I had to study all the time.

I hate the institution I'm in. I hate how I want to say I'm a victim to it. The reality is that I chose this path because I don't want to deal with the consequences of not doing so. Ever read The Giver? Those people always CHOSE to stay within their societal norms. Their society just didn't offer them much of a choice because the wrong choice was essentially death. While our "wrong choice" isn't necessarily wrong, per say, it certainly isn't normal or encouraged. Maybe I'm just living dead. Maybe I'm just not good enough to cut it. Maybe I don't WANT to be good enough to cut it because cutting it just takes too much damned effort. Maybe I'm wasting your time and maybe I'm not making sense... but something about all of this feels wrong. Is this really what God made us for? Is this really it? Because if this is, I want out. This sucks.

I want to blame everything because none of this is my fault. America taught me that much (this is an ironic statement for those that aren't English majors).