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| I guess I could regret it all and feel bad for myself, but as the saying goes..." never regret anything you have done with a sincere affection, nothing is lost that is born of the heart". It might not have ended the way I hoped or imagined, but nothing really ever does...So I won't stay mad, bitter, or sad....just disappointed....Cause when you think you've found it, you don't want to lose it, but sometimes its just out of your hands....they say things happen for a reason...i guess it just takes some time to figure out what the reason is....I'm hopeful that i'll figure it out, and in the meantime....I'll be picking up the pieces....Maybe there's a reason you can't forget those memories that you claim you'd be better off without...find that reason...maybe it has a hidden message, or maybe you just need to prove that the past really happened....the past really did happen.......I remember in the summer, we were so happy, holding hands, not caring who said this or that....I was so grateful and so happy that everything finally worked out...you asked if i still love you........I still love you, I'll always love you...but its different now.....I don't need you anymore, ya know. Before, I was so upset, I tried everything to make you happy, I tried to leave you alone, i tried to leave myself alone, to quit beating myself up over you.....I wanted to do everything I could to make you happy, so that maybe then I could be happy....It's so different now though, if we had broken up today, I'd still be really upset...but I know i'd get on with my life..back then, it was the end of the world......Maybe thats whats different about me these days...I used to feel like life was rushing past me and I had to grab ahold of it fast, or i'd lose everything..but after i got back here, I remember thinking "i'm in control now"..it was the first time I had ever felt in so much control of my life.....my life was in my own hands now....Before that, all i did was struggle to keep things together...these days, i just let go of them and its not me that falls....it's the rest of the world that goes away...i don't have any idea where....just away | | |
| I think i made the biggest mistake of my life....I'll leave it at that...
Jessa | | |
| i've been thinkin a lot lately....i'm not quite sure about what, but i've been thinking...
I get paid monday, it'll be a pretty big check...i'll prolly go spend it on wednesday, cause i'll prolly be going to wichita with my mother! i love my mom!
softball is over now, i loved coaching the little kids, i think they enjoyed playing a lot......
work is still crazy, i close tomorrow night..its' gonna suck, i hate closing....but i guess it gives u a lot of hours, and i need them...
i want to get another tatoo, possibly of a frog....don't know about it yet tho....will i regret the one i already have later? who knows
still debating if i want to go to missouri in august.....4 days of no work, that means my check would suck! so i dont know...
i think i need to get out of the house, i've been here doing nothing but working all week, work drains all my energy, and i'm so tired when i get off...but i really need to go do something
I went to the rodeo on wednesday night, it was fun.......won tickets for tonight, but i decided not to go......
well i'm bored...so i'm gonna go, i suppose if anyone wants to do anything, they know my number, welp see ya'll!
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| things are crazy, i think i'm going crazy...literally.....i've worked like crazy this week, its catching up with me, and i'm sooo tired.....i worked one 13 hour shift, straight thru.....almost 32 hours this week already...... it'll be a nice paycheck tho........things are going crazy at work too, everyones thinkin about quiting, or getting suspended or fired.....i've been talking to the boy that means more than a lot of things to me right now again....he's great! but yea..i just thought i'd do a little update...don't expect another one anytime soon,i'll be working crazy hours until school starts...see ya...anyone wants to get ahold of me, you know my cell number!
Jessa
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| the first day i met you, you tried to take my shift, i had no idea who you were, didn't know anything about you at all, then i realized that i knew you, i used to talk to you on the phone all the time.....i still was pretty shy, didn't really talk to you, didn't really care to i guess....it was a few months later when we started teasing eachother, getting closer, getting to know really know eachother, thats when i fell for you, from that first text message, and when u texted me back....i knew i really liked you, thats when i really started to care....you found out, didn't really care, and things started to fall apart, we quit texting, quit talking when u were drunk, and sadly stopped talking at work.....i tried and tried to just be your friend, but i've always felt something more, something i can't explain, just something....it hurt me alot to just say goodbye, to force myself not to talk to you, to delete the texts, to make myself not like you...i had to stop talking to you, i had to quit looking at you, i had to realize that you were just a guy from work....someone that couldn't mean anything to me, someone i just knew of, an aquaintance i guess.....its still taking time to get this far......i dont know what it is about you, but i'm gonna try my best to let go, so nows ur chance, if i'm worth holding onto, heres the chance you get...if not...i'll see ya around...
Jessa | | |
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