Currently Listening Nickel Creek By Nickel Creek The Lighthouse's Tale see related

Hello again. There have been a lot of thoughts rolling around in my head lately. Retreat was incredible, as I mentioned before...its times like those that I really feel God present....goosebumps and all. (I know, I know...Jesus is my homeboy) On retreat I had a few breakthroughs, epiphanies, if you will...I came to the realization that the insane lack of self esteem that I have going on is what holds me back from everything I do. The thing is...there is so much I know I am capable of doing, so much that I want to do...but I let my negativity get in the way. Ironic how everyone always says I'm so upbeat and positive. I like to be a cheerleader for others...but when it comes to myself I'm the number one rival.

The girls in my small group on retreat were awesome. I had never really had a conversations with any of them...except maybe 2....one of which would rather attack me every day for the rest of her life than sit in the same room as me for a few hours. At first I was excited to be in her group....thinking maybe she, or even both of us would come to understand our differences.....no. She still hates me. I am really proud of everyone in our group though....we all put everything out on the line....we cried, a lot.  Listening to those girls just pour their hearts out about their lives really made me realize how awful first impressions can be. I've realized that after first impressions...I generally don't give people much of a chance. Shame on me. You never know the real story. When I way crying on retreat...I was crying for them, for their families, praying that God could help them in some way that I knew was way beyond my reach. I knew I was a lucky person before I went to Milford....but I had no idea just how lucky. I've recently had a few more experiences that have made me believe pretty strongly in second chances, or maybe evern third and fourth. Most people out there deserve them.

Xanga family...I miss you!

XO-Liss

I am a lighthouse

Worn by the weather and the waves

I keep my lamp lit

To warn the sailors on their way. . . .

And the waves crashing around me,

The sand slipping out to sea,

And the winds that blow remind me

Of what has been, and what can never be. . . .

Currently Listening Room for Squares By John Mayer see related

Hello all. It's been a while since I've updated and I'm not really feeling creative or anything so I only have three things to say

1. I love him

2. Retreat was amazing....lots of tears, lots of bonding, and lots of new friends (oh yeah...and crusty sheets)

3. It's time for christmas.....deck the halls.

Thats it...but for now I am going to leave you with something that was in our reflection packets on retreat and really got me thinking.....

To laugh is to risk appearing the fool.

To weep is to risk appearing sentimental.

To reach out for another is to risk involvement.

To expose feelings is to risk exposing your true self.

To play your ideas, your dreams before a crowd, is to risk their loss.

To love is to risk not being loved in return.

To live is to risk dying.

To hope is to risk despair.

To try is to risk failure.

But risk must be taken,

Because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing.

The person who risks nothing may avoid suffering and sorrow,

But they simply cannot learn, feel, change, grow, love.

Chained by their certitudes, they become a slave,

One who had forfeited freedom.

Only a person who risks...is f r e e.

Currently Listening Afterglow Live (CD/DVD) By Sarah Mclachlan see related

I've decided that the reason people say the whole high school sweetheart thing doesnt work out is because they are jealous. Whoever "they" are.....because they never knew what it was like, because they werent willing to work through it because to them....it just wasnt worth it. And for some people, it isnt worth it and thats okay. but dont give up on anything just because "they" say you should. anything is possible with a little bit of hard work and a lot of faith....nobody said it was going to be an easy journey....its just the fact that you have someone to make the journey with. 

i was just thinking.

i didnt express that as well as i could have....but it makes sense in my brain.

Currently Listening Two By The Calling see related

What up homies? This week was hell......counting all the times i cried or was on the verge of tears...there was a grand total of about 100000000000000000 breakdowns. yes. i hate school. i've always said that but i have never really meant it until now.....now, i REALLY hate school. it has pretty much sucked the life out of me and used up all the brain capacity that i have so therefore, i have nothing good to say even though i have not posted in almost a month. i miss my xanga family. mmm maybe ill think of something later and post again. im so exhausted....

XO

Liss

oh yes, i forgot to tell you all......i love him. Somehow he made those 100000000000000000 breakdowns worth while. not everybody can do that. in fact....i think its just him. man.....still residing on cloud 9 after 9 months....and i dont plan on leaving anytime soon.

Currently Listening Messenger [ENHANCED CD] By Edwin McCain Band I'll Be [Acoustic] see related

Good Morning all! It's Saturday morning and honestly I have no idea how I got up at 8:30 am after being so incredibly tired all week. Forewarning: this is going to be a long post.

I just realized that I never told you all about fall ball so to sum it all up: amazing. I must say that homecoming had the extra edge to be absolutely incredible but fall ball was amazing in a completely different way, a good way.

 

Megan and I pondering.....hmmmm

 

 

Mike pondering.....hmmm

 

 

I love this picture......gosh we are weird :P gotta love it.

 

Okay so before I get carried away I'm gonna stop with the pictures....more are on my picture website.

 

This week has been....average, stress level was pretty low went pretty fast except the past two days but I'm over it. One more full week before the breaks start.

 

Yesterday I developed my first roll of film and it was soooo fun. I love it. Most of them turned out, I can't wait to make prints. (And yes I realize none of you care that developing negatives excites me but I thought I would share anyway) After school I went to Michael's house and we went to Keehner park and took pictures of playgrounds and trees and each other. It was so fun and basically....I love him a lot. We spent like....3 hours taking pictures and then we got pizza and watched FRIENDS and he made a fire in the fireplace for me since my mother has banned that from my house this winter. I made him watch A Walk to Remember as well because I havent seen it in forever....I cried like a baby.

 

Random thoughts:

I miss my friends. All of them. As much as I am in love with high school and junior year in general...it is a lot of hard work which sometimes means sacrificing free time or hanging out with friends. This scares me so much. I am afriad that I am going to lose them. I can't lose them...I wouldn't know what to do with myself. It's so hard because its not only one of us that has stuff to do and other commitments its all of us so when one is free, that doesn't mean anyone else will be and it sucks, I mean really sucks. I'm trying my best to figure out how to balance all of this and I'm sorry if my best isn't good enough but I still love you girls with all my heart and I hope you know that. It kills me to not be able to be there with you not only every day at school but after school and on weekends.....I dont think all of us have sat down and had a conversation together since......the summer probably and the thing is...even with that, when someone asks me who my best friends are or look at the picture of my "three sexy beasts" in my binder and asks me who they are i never hesitate in saying "my best friends...we have known each other forever." I just hope that I never stop responding that way....and I hope you all feel the same.

 

Do you ever stop and wonder if you should stop doing something you love for someone you love? Is that a legitimate reason to stop doing something because you just love that person so much that it wouldn't matter? Love is sometimes blinding. You can't see well enough to decide which is more important. It's not that I think I'm better....its that I know I'm not. I don't want anyone getting discouraged because I also know they have just as much, if not more determination and capability than I do. There are aspects of their abilities that I would give anything to have but I just can't and the thing is, for me.....that's where it stops. I know that is horrible and I shouldn't give up so easily but thats what I admire about them.....they don't give up so easily and they would give anything just as long as that means they can keep trying. Incredible. I know people say you should never have to sacrifce any part of yourself for anyone. I disagree. You should never be forced to sacrifice any part of yourself for anyone but if it is simply by choice and you do it out of love.....that's beautiful. That's what its all about.

 

Anyway, I am going to stop rambling and leave you with this (compliments of Laura's Xanga)

 

"Happiness is not something you acquire; love is not something you produce; love is not something that you have; love is something that has you. You do not have the wind, the stars, & the rain. You don't possess these things; you s u r r e n d e r  to them..."

 

XO ~Liss

 

p.s. Those of you who have yet to participate in my last post.....please still feel free to do so cause I still need more!!!