Been a while since i've wrote on this thing.... went on a semi- vacation this past week. it went pretty good, got to see some cousins. Had a VERY long talk with my cuz Mali. I learned a lot from her........i think i've made up my mond on a lot of things, im going to be a different person from now on.

 ~ The changing mind ~

  Okay, so i went to the Doctor the other day. I gained some weight, which is good, but im still under-weight. But the little bit counts... right? Umm...i hung out with some friends over the weekend. Its was pretty cool. Sunday takes the heap though. Some CRAZY shit went on.lol. But im not advised to say exactly what. My lips are sealed. lol.

 *sigh* Why can't life be fair? Whenever things are going just perfect, everything gets taken away from me. What have i done wrong? Why do they always leave me? What did i do? This sux, boys are so stupid. eerrgg

   Okay, so this week went by pretty good. I already arranged to hang-out with some girlfriends of mine next weekend, so im pretty excited about that!  umm.... well.. i went on like 4 dates this week. And they were all with friends of mine, and it was pretty fun. I got to catch-up with them, and learned A LOT of new things, but hey, im not complaining.  I got to be with Andrew, Michael, Tristan, and John

   *sigh* i still can't find myself to just *date* someone. I don't think i want to, after everything that happened. Everyone tells me that i should just move on, and find someone else. But i cannot do that. Because i have already found *The One* and he's moved on to someone new. So its hard to see the one you love with someone else. It breaks my heart. But theres nothing i can do anout it now. he made his choice. But.... who says i can't be a bad girl about it? lol. Nah, imma try to be a good girl around him. *evil laugh*

   Oh well... anyway. This weekend i went out to Victoria's Secret and bought me a few things!! i was so happy! I love buying underwear!!! hehehe.

   i got a doctor's appt on tuesday, just a check up. i hope i gained some weight, well at least the weight i need back.

 and right now i am bored off my ass. lol.

<3 ~Jackie~

   Weekend wan't half bad. went to a few parites. Today was a really good day for me , on top of being on my medication and being a little nutty. This morning i helped out a numerous number of people. I helped talk to this girl who i did not know. But it looked like she could use a friend. And i was there for her when she needed someone the most. Im glad i was that person that was there for her. I felt SO good. It warmed my heart up right away.

   I also helped talk to a friend of mine during lunch, because she needed someone to talk to and let out anger to, and i was that girl. umm... came home. did some homework. And talked to Keith. We're not as weird around each other like we were before, and we're talking again. Im just so happy. Im glad that he will always be there for me whenever i need him. And i can tell him anything, im comfortable with him. lol. it kinda sux, because i can't lie to him. Love, can be a bitch sometimes

 <3 ~Jackie~

       These past 2-3 weeks have been turned to hell. I can't figure out what the hell happened?  As you all probably know. Keith and I broke up....well... actually he broke up with me. I feel like shit. One minute we're happy, and the next he's having second thoughts. I shouldn't even be writing this down, especially online. I just need to get this out.  I mean, its not like I can talk to him about this, it will just make him feel worse and idk?

     I'm still in love with him, and I always will be. Its something I can't get rid of. When i fell for him, i fell HARD. And thats why this just hurts SO much.

    On top of all this heartache. Theres also physical pain. For the past 3 months i've been sick. But i just blew off the sickness before, i never thought it was something serious. But about a month ago it started scarring me. So i've been to the doctor and hospital numerous times. Trying to figure out exactly what the hell is wrong with me. I have lost over 10 pounds in the last month, due to not eating. And the thing is I LOVE FOOD , but i just haven't been hungry when i need to be. And i can't sleep more that 2 hours a night, im constantly tossing and turning, and i can't sleep laying down anymore. I feel as if i have to sleep standing up, which isn't very pleasant to my neck. lol

    Yesterday i went back to the lab. And they put IV's in me, and boy did that hurt, my arm is still bruised because of that stupid thing. Ouch!! My whole arm is blue and green and a little purple ( and thoses aren't normal colors for an arm. lol )

    Well.... i have noticed something. I think i have bad Karma....or jusr plain bad luck when it comes to this time of year. Its ALWAYS in October. I should have seen something bad coming. Like 5 years ago.. i  was hurt really badly in an accident at home. 4 years ago.. hurt again, but at school. 3 years ago..really close relative died. 2 years ago...2 very dear friends of mine died. 1 year ago... I was hurt by a boy who is a complete asshole and doesn't know when to stop. And a few weeks ago, the boy that i am in love with, broke my heart.

  So guys, JUST because i've had a crappy month, doesn't mean that yall's has to be crappy too.  I hope that you all have the best of luck, with anything or anyone that you want. Have the luck that i have seemed to have lost.

 <3 ~Jackie~