I keep telling myself that he's the one for me...that we're so right for eachother..but is it right that we always fight like this? Is it right that we're always tearing eachother down, making eachother cry, or hurt....I keep telling myself that I'm happy here. Right where I am...but I'm slowly realizing that I'm not. But I also would never leave him, I love him to much to be without him...but it hurts so much to be with him too.

Sigh.I know deep down, that on his list..I'm not number one..and it kills me that he is mine.

I hate this emotional roller coaster I'm on.
Seriously, I just wish I was dead... I hate dealing with all of this.

Lately I feel like I'm slowly losing him..
and what's worse is I don't know if it's all my doing, or if it's the things he says that pushes me away. It feels like the only time he's interested in me...is when there's something..physical in it for him..other than that I'm nothing more than a bother.

It hurts knowing that I don't make him happy the way I want to...and it hurts more knowing that my feelings are somewhat insignificant. Sigh. I wish it could all just be over. I hate feeling like this.

When you're not afraid anymore....
is that when you completely trust someone?


Ahhh...but this is where danger lies.... cause it's only now that you can get hurt..

Oh well. I trust him not to hurt me..
I love him so much..
things are going too good... where can it possibly go wrong?/

I'm always just going to be second best.
Why don't I even care?

Maybe it does really bother me..and I'm just too afraid to admit it. I don't want the same thing to happen. Sigh.