well i think a entry is called for right now..i kinda just need to let everything out and let people around me help. ok if you havent heard and you prolly will since the news travels really fast. beto broke up with me last night, and im not gonna lie ive never had anything hurt so much in my life. i cried all night long, and i mean i really cried all  night long, i felt hella empty like wow what else is left for me? nothing..im losing everything that i love. but i guess in a way if you look at it. a lot of bad things will start to happen and then a a great deal of good things will start to happen to you, and it goes in that cycle over and over, and right now its at the worest like ever. but who knows maybe something great will come out of this, maybe its just making me stronger for the next rask in life, right? but im glad to say im still friends with beto, i cant imagine not being his friend, i really do need that kid. from the day ive talked to him, life just seemed that much better. he can and always will be able to make me smile, yes he hurt me pretty damn bad but i can look at this and be like wow i had the time of my life with you. you made me a new person. he was the one that really made me believe in myself, and start trusting everyone around me and he has taught me a lot. so when i look back this all ill say, this amazing guy got away from me. i know i have to move on and i will someday but for right now my heart needs to heal, and it doesnt help to much that i got asked out the next day i was like geez dude have a lil respect and wait until im done crying. i know i aint the only one thats gone through a heart break but its like right now i feel as if know one understands how it feels, i mean how could i really let somethng that great end already? i just really remember being at the funeral that morning and we were praying since harry has left and the pastor said now thank god for someone you love in you life, and beto came right into my mind. i just really hate myself for losing him. but this where i need all my friends help..so thats all of you...i guess in a way while he is finding himself maybe i should to, kinda find the real me? cuz i know as of right now people already see and tude change in me, as my cuzin jeremy said the sparkle in your eye just left you, and you need to find it. see so many people look at me waiting for the next move, like what are we doing next, its like for once cant i be the one saying what happens after this, im the girl that everyone runs to for advice, and now that i need some everyone is gone its like the time im in a situation and i cant help myself and im disappointed in myself. but i gotta get through it, i just dont wanna fight this anymore, im at the point of giving up and i think im so close that im starting to already. just incredible how much effect one boy can have on you.but im hella tired of hearing "you were to good for him" honestly everyone he was too good for me. if you knew him the way i did you would be saying wow your right this man is amazing. and the girl that has him next is one of the luckest girls in the world, shes gonna have that feeling that she can do anything, and that shes on top of the world the same feeling i had. so if i really dont seem myself lately, just please understand. life has a big twist and i just starting by twisting. so hold on to what you have and dont let it go. and who knows i might be coming back in a few months saying i met someone knew, right now that dont seem possible lol but ne ways

since i know jecka acutally really does read this im make her a little shout out! jecka your an awsome and beautiful "young" woman lol i always loved that! thank you for everything you've done for me. youve given me advice and thank god i got to talk to you! once again we will thank beto for that lol. but you've helped me in some hard situations, and you always have faith in me. so girl i hope you never change, and your right who needs a man right now!! but thank you again. and i hope we kick it still even if i aint with the kid, the fair is there so hmm maybe i should take a drive....who knows

but i'll tell you about my day, i did nothing lol as of right now im babysitting. you all know how it is i just need some money, shopping is a cure from all problems and right now im broke and cant cure my problem lol all you girls feel me? but i get off at like 7 and chuy wants me to go to the movies and im not sure if i really want to yet, cuz he has already told me that he hella likes me and just been waiting for me. but i cant even think of being with someone else already and im still kinda hoping and praying beto will want me back, cross your fingers. but i guess ill put this to an end and go cry and eat ice cream some more. so thank you for all your support.

 that one and only bitch,

sarah!

p.s song of the day all ive got by the used hella listen to the words, like for real