| I've neglected youSorry dear xanga hahahah. whatevers, i just feel the need to write again.
My last entry that didn't get added:
There’s been a lot of changes in my life, some willing, some
unforeseen, some just plain unexpected. It’s 20 days into the new year,
but today is comprised of all the days of my life. Each disappointment
still stings a little, each win a little more glorious, and each hug a
little more warming. But if you know me, then you also know I don’t
dwell in the past very long, nor do I ponder the future beyond my next
meal. So that’s not why I’m writing this.
What I would really like to address are my thanks and apologies
that I feel I owe. Over the last couple of weeks I’ve been thinking
about the goods and the bads of my life. They do not bring me down or
up but it’s just a reminder of me and the person that I want to be.
Something I tell myself and to others, one of my favorite mottos I
guess, “If you don’t like the person you are, change it.” And so I do.
Goals for changes and little tweaks every couple of months keep me in
check and sometimes I succeed, and sometimes I don’t, but every day I
strive to be that better person that I envision. A lot of people don’t
understand why I have to change myself, and they don’t have to. For me
it’s about achieving a purer state of happiness, that extra bit of
being better. Now that I’m writing this, I see it’s more about
reminding myself why I do the things I do more than anything.
Regardless, my apologies. These won’t be specific in any way
whatsoever, but if you think you’re due for an apology from me, take
this as it. Or, tell me how I have wronged you and of course I will try
to do you right. Firstly, I want to say sorry to those people I’ve lost
touch with. It seems dutiful as a friend to stay on top of the
“what’s-going-on-with-you”
with the people you care enough about to call your friends, but people
drift. It can’t be helped. But I hold dear each and every friendship I
have ever had and have… because I owe you. For me to consider you a
friend, you must have influenced my life in some way, positively I
hope. But in the grander picture, you helped me become the person I am
today. Whether some people think I’m a shit or a stand up guy, I don’t
know, but I’m pretty happy with who I am today. And on that, I need to
say I’m pretty thankful to you for it.
I have made many bad choices and decisions, this I am sure. They
are part of life. I can be reckless and rash at times and these I’ve
concluded are just a few of my many faults. But to the people that I’ve
wronged and hurt, I am sincerely sorry. It was not my intention. But
from these mistakes and downfalls, I’ve become stronger and wiser in
hopes that I won’t take these experiences for granted.
To the special people in my life, I hope you know I am talking
about you. You guys and girls are the rocks that pelt me when I’m in
the wrong, the sunshine that lights my way, the warmth in my heart. You
keep me in check and you comfort me when I’m at my lowest. I don’t
smile just cause I like to smile, but I smile because you’re near me.
It is you, my friends, that puts the happy to my face. Though we may
drift and some have, I will always care for you and I will have your
back no matter what and when. I want to ask for forgiveness in advance
for all the stupid things I tend to do, but I would also like to
celebrate all our good times past, present, and future. Without you
people, I have zilch. For you I will do almost anything. Your happiness
is my happiness.
This life… is a bitch, no doubt. No one is a virgin because life
will fuck you from the day you are born till the last breath of air you
breathe. But you deal with it and you make the most of it. And so that
is how I live my life: day to day, looking for the good, wishing to see
some happy. I have hope that everything happens for a reason, that
things were meant to be, and that all the bad things you can change,
and all the things you can’t, don’t matter. I hold optimism for better
days.
I love you all.
|
lilslimmjim
