moving into my new place has been rewarding as well as rough. trying to unpack with a 104.1 fever is not fun. however, i am loving this place! finally...windows! after months of breathing in mold and dust due to living in the basement i now finally have windows to circulate my room! oh the joy of it. thanks for everyone who wished me better~ <3
it's sad having your close friends move away. although i know it's each to their own paths, it still hurts to be the one staying behind, sending them off. it's great to know who your friends are. not those who act like they are or use your money, but those who really are. i've been noticing the differences in those who are truly my friends and those who want to be or act like they are. for one, my friends understand me. they dont judge me from what the world may say or think about me. they understand if i act a certain way and understand the underlying motive and the bigger picture of my actions. others, quickly change their opinion of you or forget about you entirely or lowest yet, feel like they have the need to talk about you. secondly, my friends support me. why do they support me? because they take the extra time out to actually listen to what i am going through at that time and help me make rational decisions that will be beneficial to me. even when that decision will hurt me in the process of growing me, my friends have the heart to support me. they let me know, i am not alone in this. thirdly, my friends are not shallow. they understand the meaning of a true relationship. in a relationship they understand there is a give and take. not just take take take and leave you when there is nothing more to take. and lastly, my friends forgive me. no one is perfect and i, just as anyone else, make mistakes. some of my mistakes may pain my friends, but between us, no damage is permanent. they have the heart to forgive me and to love me just the same regardless, as i do for them. and then there are those who do not understand forgiveness and just leave, without giving you a chance to explain your side of the story.
it is so disappointing to realize how many people in your life are not worth keeping.
*i am tired of trying to nurture some of the relationships that i have that seem like it is just me investing in it and them taking me and the relationship for granted.
*i am tired of people who say things just to say things and not follow through with them. then why say them in the first place if you know you can't do it?
*i am tired of stingy people. so many people in this world are so damn stingy. why dont you loosen up a little and learn how to give sometimes.
* i am tired of people who think only of themselves in situations that require group effort or teamwork. it still amazes me how some people are just so self-serving and only look after their own interest.
*i am tired of people who live in their little bubble. so pop it already and see for yourselves, there is so much more out there in the world than your damn reflection.
*i am tired of listing useless lists like this because you know people like these are inevitable in this world.
overall, i think i just place too high of expectations on people and get even bigger disappointments in return... i think i am just really disappointed at the sad realization that there is an unequal value i and others have placed on our relationships. apparently, i assumed the relationships were more meaningful than they had ever thought of it being so.
i think it is time for me to start sifting, as one sifts chaff.
i am tired of fake friends, aren't you? so you can stop acting now. you guys are no friends of mine. and i refuse to invest in the worthless, meaningless relationships we had... anymore.
why? you dont know if this pertains to you? well, dont ask me. you would know best. | 
