Currently Listening Paula Deanda By Paula Deanda, Paula DeAnda see related

So Long Sweet Summer

^^^ the good ol' days. gonna miss summer like hell.

September 4^th... 2006.

Although I have to get up at 8:30am this morning, I decided to write an addition to my xanga because I believe that I haven’t in awhile. Summer is almost over... 3 days in counting, and I can’t believe I’m speaking those words. I’m going to miss it so much. It’s crazy how much things have changed. I’m a junior now and I’m still having a hard time believing that as well. There’s so much I’m going to miss. I found myself this summer. Getting caught on the last day of school w asn’t so bad. I needed that. Went to Milwaukee and had the best month of my life there. I love my family and I realize how much they care about me. I’ll never forget that visit. I wish I could’ve stayed longer, but until we meet again... I LOVE YOU MIL - TOWN. I lost my grandma last summer and lost my grandpa this summer, and now I’m left with my grandparents at all. It was hard, very hard, and goodbye has never been easy for me, but I know they are in a better place. I love you. R.I.P. As for friendships... things are just starting to fall back in place. I’ve found that no matter how much you care about someone, you have to let them know and you have to show them. Without that reassurance, what do you really have? Ur assumptions. I love all my friends to death.. The new and the old, and I’m so very grateful to have them in my life. God has blessed with me the 2^nd chance (sometimes even 3^rd and 4^th) and I have to do right this time. Thanks for everyone who has continued to stay by my side and goes beyond their selves to understand me. I love you for it. To JUNIOR YEAR... LET’S MAKE IT GOOD GUYS!!! And we’ll have the best memories because they are with each other.

As for the boy... I’m no longer in love with you and that’ the greatest feeling. And once you fall out of love.. I don’t think you really fall in again. Not with the same person at least. And if it shall happen, it shall happen. But as off right now, I’m leaving you behind. It wasn’t you that I missed, but I missed that "young" girl... WIDE EYED... and one time innocence. Thank you for the lessons you taught me and the mistakes that you made alright again. I’ll always remember you and carry you with me. For your first loves are too hard to forget. Even if you tried. And I’ll hope, secretly in my heart, that you’ll remember me too. You have something that no one else has ... my heart, and you kept it longer than I ever dreamed of. But, I’m asking for it back now, to heal, to bandage, to unwound. It’ll take time, but its’ worthy. This isn’t easy and letting go never has, but I’m ready. 4 years of the same bullshit and I think it’s about time that I throw it all away. I’ve said this many times, too many, but this time feels so different. It’s almost as if I’m entering a different chapter in my life. I’m closing the one with you in it, and reopening a new one, hopefully not see the word "love" and "your name" in the same sentence. Unless it contains "use to." You were life - changing, an individual I could never push away. So I gave into you, and into my heart, and that was the best thing I could do. And now, I’m giving in again, but in a different way. I’m giving in to time and wasted wishes. Because for me, they weren’t ever coming true.

Our love was... comfortable and ... so broken in.

You can only poor your heart out to someone so many times before you get bored, and tired of rejection. You’re everything I wanted, but NOTHING that I needed.

Love is when you take away the
feeling, the passion, and the romance
in the relationship and you find outthat you still care for the person.

And that’s how it was with you. Everything fell into place. But the pieces. They just don’t fit anymore.

Whooopp.... summer.

BEST OF THE BEST!!! i love you

It's definitely been awhile since I've truly updated, so I'm deciding to that. This has been a perfect week I must say. Actually... life has just been really good lately. I have to thank my 3 best friends though for doing what they do best... just being there and making me laugh. Natalie - You are above and beyond what I could ask for in a friend and I love you to death. you're always there, always and make me pee my pants every day I see you. Krista - you are amazing. Our friendship hasn't changed yet and I'm so happy about that. You are perfect to start my day off with (1st hour) and it makes me happy to know you're in my life. You always understand me and you never fail to put yourself in my shoes. Thank you for everything. Good luck with Dustin girlll. Dre - bia.. you da shit. We have so much fun hanging out together and we have managed to get soo close, so fast. I love you to death and I couldn't think of anyone else I'd wanna spend all my weekends with, haha. DEY JEALOUS DEY JEALOUS, ahha. You're amazing. Love ya.

Anywayz... Today was good. Jesse and I ended up fighting last night but we are better now. He just really doesn't like one of my friends in which, I could care less because it's not his right to choose. I love Jdub to death though and I can never stay mad at him long. He's my best guy friend... what can i say?? ALEX WROTE ME A NOTE.. yay.. haha. I love that kid. We are becoming so tight and I'm really happy about it. Francers... you're the shit. Tomrrow is thursday... the last day of the week. i was gonna skip, but I realized I have a test and shit and homework due, so I just decided I'm gonna go. Besides, my little Al can't miss anymore school. He's a booger face. Tomorrow night is the choir concert and then I think I'm hanging out with Alex, Dre, Day Day, and Depp afterwards. It'll be fun. oh and patrick denny jensen of course. i love them all. Then Friday and Saturday is definitely PARTY WEEKEND, haha. Dre knows the details. We gon' have some fun girll.. fo sho!! But yeah.. thats my life right now. Just havin' fun and keepin' it real. As for relationships.. that fling with Alex is over. Honestly... it's for the best I'm pretty sure. What a dick from what he said to me today. OH welllll.... his loss. Anywayz, I like the same guy that I always have. And if you dont know his name... then I guess you just won't know it, lol. It's pretty obvious. (hint hint.. i wore his jacket today)! Well I'm out, just a quick little update. I LOVE ALL MY FRIENDS... whooop!!

Like Twilley would say.. peace out baby!!

<3 G - Baby <3

I'm in a icon mood. Basically, things are good in life right now. Hanging with my biatches every weekend and of course the fellas, it doesn't gett better than that. My best guy friend got his license FINALLY... whoop!! haha, so he drives me home alot with Kyle and Sawyer. I miss those summer days with them. We had a blast I must admit. But anwayz... yeah, that's whats up. I dont really like anyone right now. Just playin' it single and enjoying the rest of school because summer is coming bitches and I couldn't be anymore excited for it. Day Day, Drea , Matilda, & L.C.... summer is gonna be too much fun. WHOOP!!

Things are really good lately. I've been in a great mood and it seems no one can bring me down. I like moods like that! Where the smile on your face isn't forced... but it's real and it reflects exactly how your heart feels. I never imagined "letting go" to feel this good. Actually, I never imagined "letting go" at all! But I'm glad I'm here and I'm glad that I'm finally realizing that what I want and what I need... is not this in any way. For once, I'm happy about where I am and where I'm headed and my decision I will never regret. For someone I fell so quickly for, I thought getting over him would begin at the same pace, but boy was I wrong. Yet I learned alot and I can say that it's an experience I'll forever remember and embrace. I've put up with this for wayy too long and well, I've grown weak and impatient. I'm tired of the same ol' thing. Where we both ignore each other, and then out of no where he is talking to me. Where's the beauty in that? I have to worry and wonder if, "today... is he gonna talk to me?" And I don't feel I should have to do that. It's not fair and well, anyone could agree with me on that. I have plenty of people to thank though... for getting me through the hardest times and as many times as I've said "goodbye" before, I think this is the first time I've meant it. Some chapters in our lives are meant to be closed, and well... this is one of them. So goodbye and good luck, and as friends... I'll always be here for you.

So I fallin' again, haha. Surprise Surprise. But it's not a bad choice, I promise. I potentially agree with this one and well, I never saw it coming which is the greatest part of all. Don't call me crazy... call me ambitious, lol! Because that's how I feel. This week has actually been really good and I can only guess that it'll get better (at least I'm hoping.) Tomorrow shall be the test of everything I suppose. So I guess you will just have to wait until tomorrow. I promise to let you know though, because well, either I'll be "sad" to write in here or "estacic" so we'll have to see. Krista, I love you and my respect for you grows more each day. WHOO HOO!!

&& sometimes its just easier to explain yourself with quotes...

I don't need an excuse it's too late
What good would it do from you anyways
I can take this but I'm letting you go
And these shallow words from my mouth
Left soft and barely spoken but don't get me wrong
This is nothing short of hatred