lilychottie87's Xanga

So Long Sweet Summer

Mon, 04 Sep 2006 05:11:48 GMT

^^^ the good ol' days. gonna miss summer like hell.

September 4^th... 2006.

Although I have to get up at 8:30am this morning, I decided to write an addition to my xanga because I believe that I haven’t in awhile. Summer is almost over... 3 days in counting, and I can’t believe I’m speaking those words. I’m going to miss it so much. It’s crazy how much things have changed. I’m a junior now and I’m still having a hard time believing that as well. There’s so much I’m going to miss. I found myself this summer. Getting caught on the last day of school w asn’t so bad. I needed that. Went to Milwaukee and had the best month of my life there. I love my family and I realize how much they care about me. I’ll never forget that visit. I wish I could’ve stayed longer, but until we meet again... I LOVE YOU MIL - TOWN. I lost my grandma last summer and lost my grandpa this summer, and now I’m left with my grandparents at all. It was hard, very hard, and goodbye has never been easy for me, but I know they are in a better place. I love you. R.I.P. As for friendships... things are just starting to fall back in place. I’ve found that no matter how much you care about someone, you have to let them know and you have to show them. Without that reassurance, what do you really have? Ur assumptions. I love all my friends to death.. The new and the old, and I’m so very grateful to have them in my life. God has blessed with me the 2^nd chance (sometimes even 3^rd and 4^th) and I have to do right this time. Thanks for everyone who has continued to stay by my side and goes beyond their selves to understand me. I love you for it. To JUNIOR YEAR... LET’S MAKE IT GOOD GUYS!!! And we’ll have the best memories because they are with each other.

As for the boy... I’m no longer in love with you and that’ the greatest feeling. And once you fall out of love.. I don’t think you really fall in again. Not with the same person at least. And if it shall happen, it shall happen. But as off right now, I’m leaving you behind. It wasn’t you that I missed, but I missed that "young" girl... WIDE EYED... and one time innocence. Thank you for the lessons you taught me and the mistakes that you made alright again. I’ll always remember you and carry you with me. For your first loves are too hard to forget. Even if you tried. And I’ll hope, secretly in my heart, that you’ll remember me too. You have something that no one else has ... my heart, and you kept it longer than I ever dreamed of. But, I’m asking for it back now, to heal, to bandage, to unwound. It’ll take time, but its’ worthy. This isn’t easy and letting go never has, but I’m ready. 4 years of the same bullshit and I think it’s about time that I throw it all away. I’ve said this many times, too many, but this time feels so different. It’s almost as if I’m entering a different chapter in my life. I’m closing the one with you in it, and reopening a new one, hopefully not see the word "love" and "your name" in the same sentence. Unless it contains "use to." You were life - changing, an individual I could never push away. So I gave into you, and into my heart, and that was the best thing I could do. And now, I’m giving in again, but in a different way. I’m giving in to time and wasted wishes. Because for me, they weren’t ever coming true.

Our love was... comfortable and ... so broken in.

You can only poor your heart out to someone so many times before you get bored, and tired of rejection. You’re everything I wanted, but NOTHING that I needed.

Love is when you take away the
feeling, the passion, and the romance
in the relationship and you find outthat you still care for the person.

And that’s how it was with you. Everything fell into place. But the pieces. They just don’t fit anymore.

Whooopp.... summer.

Wed, 24 May 2006 20:02:39 GMT

BEST OF THE BEST!!! i love you

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

Wed, 17 May 2006 20:21:31 GMT

It's definitely been awhile since I've truly updated, so I'm deciding to that. This has been a perfect week I must say. Actually... life has just been really good lately. I have to thank my 3 best friends though for doing what they do best... just being there and making me laugh. Natalie - You are above and beyond what I could ask for in a friend and I love you to death. you're always there, always and make me pee my pants every day I see you. Krista - you are amazing. Our friendship hasn't changed yet and I'm so happy about that. You are perfect to start my day off with (1st hour) and it makes me happy to know you're in my life. You always understand me and you never fail to put yourself in my shoes. Thank you for everything. Good luck with Dustin girlll. Dre - bia.. you da shit. We have so much fun hanging out together and we have managed to get soo close, so fast. I love you to death and I couldn't think of anyone else I'd wanna spend all my weekends with, haha. DEY JEALOUS DEY JEALOUS, ahha. You're amazing. Love ya.

Anywayz... Today was good. Jesse and I ended up fighting last night but we are better now. He just really doesn't like one of my friends in which, I could care less because it's not his right to choose. I love Jdub to death though and I can never stay mad at him long. He's my best guy friend... what can i say?? ALEX WROTE ME A NOTE.. yay.. haha. I love that kid. We are becoming so tight and I'm really happy about it. Francers... you're the shit. Tomrrow is thursday... the last day of the week. i was gonna skip, but I realized I have a test and shit and homework due, so I just decided I'm gonna go. Besides, my little Al can't miss anymore school. He's a booger face. Tomorrow night is the choir concert and then I think I'm hanging out with Alex, Dre, Day Day, and Depp afterwards. It'll be fun. oh and patrick denny jensen of course. i love them all. Then Friday and Saturday is definitely PARTY WEEKEND, haha. Dre knows the details. We gon' have some fun girll.. fo sho!! But yeah.. thats my life right now. Just havin' fun and keepin' it real. As for relationships.. that fling with Alex is over. Honestly... it's for the best I'm pretty sure. What a dick from what he said to me today. OH welllll.... his loss. Anywayz, I like the same guy that I always have. And if you dont know his name... then I guess you just won't know it, lol. It's pretty obvious. (hint hint.. i wore his jacket today)! Well I'm out, just a quick little update. I LOVE ALL MY FRIENDS... whooop!!

Like Twilley would say.. peace out baby!!

<3 G - Baby <3

Thursday, May 04, 2006

Thu, 04 May 2006 01:16:40 GMT

I'm in a icon mood. Basically, things are good in life right now. Hanging with my biatches every weekend and of course the fellas, it doesn't gett better than that. My best guy friend got his license FINALLY... whoop!! haha, so he drives me home alot with Kyle and Sawyer. I miss those summer days with them. We had a blast I must admit. But anwayz... yeah, that's whats up. I dont really like anyone right now. Just playin' it single and enjoying the rest of school because summer is coming bitches and I couldn't be anymore excited for it. Day Day, Drea , Matilda, & L.C.... summer is gonna be too much fun. WHOOP!!

Friday, March 31, 2006

Fri, 31 Mar 2006 00:46:18 GMT

Things are really good lately. I've been in a great mood and it seems no one can bring me down. I like moods like that! Where the smile on your face isn't forced... but it's real and it reflects exactly how your heart feels. I never imagined "letting go" to feel this good. Actually, I never imagined "letting go" at all! But I'm glad I'm here and I'm glad that I'm finally realizing that what I want and what I need... is not this in any way. For once, I'm happy about where I am and where I'm headed and my decision I will never regret. For someone I fell so quickly for, I thought getting over him would begin at the same pace, but boy was I wrong. Yet I learned alot and I can say that it's an experience I'll forever remember and embrace. I've put up with this for wayy too long and well, I've grown weak and impatient. I'm tired of the same ol' thing. Where we both ignore each other, and then out of no where he is talking to me. Where's the beauty in that? I have to worry and wonder if, "today... is he gonna talk to me?" And I don't feel I should have to do that. It's not fair and well, anyone could agree with me on that. I have plenty of people to thank though... for getting me through the hardest times and as many times as I've said "goodbye" before, I think this is the first time I've meant it. Some chapters in our lives are meant to be closed, and well... this is one of them. So goodbye and good luck, and as friends... I'll always be here for you.

So I fallin' again, haha. Surprise Surprise. But it's not a bad choice, I promise. I potentially agree with this one and well, I never saw it coming which is the greatest part of all. Don't call me crazy... call me ambitious, lol! Because that's how I feel. This week has actually been really good and I can only guess that it'll get better (at least I'm hoping.) Tomorrow shall be the test of everything I suppose. So I guess you will just have to wait until tomorrow. I promise to let you know though, because well, either I'll be "sad" to write in here or "estacic" so we'll have to see. Krista, I love you and my respect for you grows more each day. WHOO HOO!!

&& sometimes its just easier to explain yourself with quotes...

I don't need an excuse it's too late
What good would it do from you anyways
I can take this but I'm letting you go
And these shallow words from my mouth
Left soft and barely spoken but don't get me wrong
This is nothing short of hatred

maybe one day
i'll be able to describe
just how beautiful your smile is
when your lying by my side

Monday, March 27, 2006

Mon, 27 Mar 2006 19:02:49 GMT

So these last few days have been phenomonal... haha!! I couldn't think of any other word to explain it. I spent my whole weekend in Milwaukee of course. It was fun. I got to see my baby cousins. (Kochona is walking now) I lovvvveee it! She's the cutest baby ever. I also got to see alot of other familiy which was cool. (Natalie, I saw Scooter ) haha! Anywayz... I got home Sunday around 1230pm and then I had to do community service at 2... so uggh.. I got like no rest. I met up with Krista and we actually had a lot of fun doing it. "I met the guy of my dreams... the prettiest green eyes ever... but then I saw his ring and it ruined the moment." haha, I'm filled with bad luck aren't I? lol! anywayz... today was a really good day actually. I started if off with my favorites (Cassie, Krissy, and Krista)!! 1st choir couldn't be any better. 2nd hour was shiiitt and ms. vail decided to yell at me ONCE AGAIN. I wonder why that bitch isn't married. Grr... hate her with passion. 3rd hour was cool of course. I got Andrea in there and we break out our happy dance, haha... so it's all good. I love her. 4th hour is always a mystery. JOrdaan keeps me laughign though, ahha. HIS BEAUTIFUL VOICE.. i tell ya! He makes the funniest noises ever, but he's cool! 5th hour... watched a dumb movie so I wrote Lonnie back the whole hour. 6th hour.... OMG.... crazy ass stories. I'm in love with Court, Bre and Corinne fo' sho! And alex and donny of course... can't forget them. They are fucking hilarious!

Well... thats my day... except for the ackward moment where spencer smacked my BOOB today.. haha, brian found it hilarious, lol... and it was. Good times!!

<3 AShlee Brooke <3

I GET TO SLEEP IN TOMRROW... AREN'T I DAMN LUCKY??

I like him... like alot... this could be dangerous!!

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

Wed, 22 Mar 2006 01:58:53 GMT

So Colleen Mahar basically makes my life go round and everyone should be jealous of our relationship!! It happens.. get over it!!

Today was cool. Late start.. so you gotta love those days. We were kinda crazy during 1st hour I must say. I just can't control myself when I'm with Cassie, Krista, and Krissy. Our little memory game.. haha, definitley fucking hilarious. We're gonna make a puppet show out of it with popsicle sticks and I can't even wait. Everyone was just jealous of our fun today... that's the only reason we got yelled at, haha. Jericho.. that fucking mouse!

The rest of the day was good. Cassie drove me home. WATCH OUT... I'VE GOT A BLACK FRIEND, ahah! so funny... gotta love that girl. We dropped Nicole and Katrina off, then I came home and slept. Then I had to get up for our pom banquet. It went well. I almost cried, but I held back. As hard as this year was... I'm gonna miss those girls (especially my Alex)!! Good speeches hunnies and good luck in college. I hung out with my girlies of course while I was there. Ky, Vally, Em, K, T, and the cheese lover aka JENNY!! haha! what a dork she is!! lol I had some damn good cookies though

Mommy picked me up and went out to Wendys... where I might future be working. WEIRD.. lol! Anywayz, came home, talked to Natty on the fone, got online and talked to Shane (love him) and that's about it. What a wonderful day!!!

I HAVE A CRUSH... SOMEONE NEW!!! Natalie and Krista know

Life Experiences

Tue, 14 Mar 2006 20:05:33 GMT

Have you ever wondered what it takes.... or how long it takes to gain that something that you've been looking for? Hoping that somehow everything will bring clarity to the reasons you've held on so tight in the first place. Well I'm sure I'm not the only individual who wonders and ask questions that will probably never recieve answers... but it's worth the try correct? If you never dare to ask, you'll never know. I have to say I've loved twice in my lifetime, and whose to tell me that I didnt? But the fact is... I'm still "loving" and it's getting harder and harder to let go. Who is he to me anymore and what am I expecting each time he comes crawling back? I've learned more in this one "relationship" (or whatever you want to call it) than any other. And I'm scared that I'm starting to believe that hes the only one I want to teach me. But why limit myself? Why refuse other committments because lately... I've only had the heart for one! I'm not sure. But he's different, we're different, and I like that feeling. But it doesnt mean anything when the feeling isn't mutual. Who knows where his heart is or where it likes to wander, but somehow, it ends up in my fields more than often. And many people try to tell me... "don't think so much" and "the grass is greener on the other side" but in reality... the grass is never greener where the grass don't grow. Ugh.. perhaps.. I do think alittle too much. But sure, we can rely on ourselves to just be happy if they themselves, are happy, but how can that be? If the one you love is always smiling and you know it's not because of you... what makes that "right?" What part of it really makes you feel GOOD or happy? That's right... none of it. But of course, a part of me would be at ease, knowing I could move on because he found what he was looking for and well me... I'd still be out to find it. I guess it comes down to how much you want something and how many risk you are willing to take. If you aren't willing to be hurt, you don't deserve to be in love. And you sure as hell don't deserve what others spend weeks, months, years fighting for. If there is one thing that I gained out of all of this... it's that life is not over because of a broken heart. Life will not pause for you and wait for you to catch up. But it keeps going, just like your heart keeps beating, and only YOU can overcome it. So here it is... I love you. I always have and always will, but I won't wait forever. Because no one has forever to wait.

Congrats to those who have find "it", something stable... something that keeps them smiling...something that they can call "theirs"... something rare and official... something worth every fight, battle and tear... something REAL and something they never plan to give away.

SHE'S SCARED BECAUSE
SHE'S FiNALLY REALiZiNG
H0W MUCH HE REALLY MEANS
T0 HER

people say "why do you like him?"
and honestly, i dont know. but
there's just something about him and
i just cant let him go.

W E M A Y N O T H A V E
i T A L L T O G E T H E R
B U T T O G E T H E R ..
W E H A V E i T A L L

Heres a toast.. to all those girls out there that are crying tonight because they made the biggest mistake of their life-- falling for a guy they knew who would never feel the same way

What I need to know, is if there is a place
for me in your future? -- Sweet Home Alabama <3

<3 Ashlee Brooke <3

no one can tell you what love is...
you will know simply when you feel nothing else

Alot On My Mind

Wed, 08 Mar 2006 01:20:24 GMT

You know those days where you begin thinking... and you just can't stop. Yeah.. it's definitely been one of those days. I guess I've just been looking at what's important to me alot and well... its' quite obvious. My friends.. my family... and my future. I love all the friends that I have and have made in the past. I don't regret any decisions I've made and I realize that the friendships I haven't maintained happened for a good reason and I couldn't be happier that they aren't in my life. It's just apart of understanding and accepting what's happened and whose has choosen to be in your future and who not. I'm happy with my life for the most part. I have 6 people that I can depend on unconditionally and that I tell everything to. Then i have so many more that keep my spirits high and I can hang out and have fun with and that's such a great feeling. I dunoo.. I try not to take it for granted and I don't think I ever have. Even the people I hate now... that I don't have any communication with... I'll always remember them, always. And the memories will last a lifetime. As for family... I went to Indiana this weekend I had the funnest time ever in awhile. I love my cousins, they crack me up. We talked to some niggas on the fone (haha Teon and Jarell) and they were cool for the most part. We're crazy and we make up dances and stuff and seriously... we're just gangsta, haha! I love every second of it. As for my future... oh boy! Honestly, I thought I had it all planned out on what I wanted to pursue, but now that I think about it, I really don't. We're making EDP's in 5th hour and I'm so lost in what careers and schools I want to take up. It's all so overwhelming and even though I'm only headed towards my junior year... thats when everything starts to take its toll. You have to figure out what classes are gonna benefit you and buckling down and getting good grades. I duno... I never expected those decisions to come so fast. But I"m trying to make do. I was talking to Mrs. Whittle and shes been kinda helping me alot. I love her for that!! Shes a great teacher for me. But other than that... things are puurfect, lol!! As for boys.. i haven't put much thought into that. Matt and I have been doing our best to maintain a friendship and talk more and stuff... but it just doesn't seem to be going anywhere. None of us make an effort so it's just pointless. As for David, who knows. Were good friends and I like that about him. And I adore his personality. I do like him, but ya know? it just doesn't seem relevant right now. Teh feelings aren't mutual and well, we all know what happened the last time I liked him... not a good experience. so yeah, I'll just leave it at that. but yep... thats me right now!!

<3 Ashlee Brooke Lampkins <3

Sunday, March 05, 2006

Sun, 05 Mar 2006 19:15:40 GMT

Me? Bitchy?
maybe just slightly
sorry, i was never
taught to say fuck
you politely

I love Kylie Nicole McCollum, Kasey Janine McCollum, Krystyna Nadine McCollum, Valerie Ray Carlson, and Jennifer Ann Pittel with all of my heart!