I got to fill helium balloons today at work.  

I haven't used a smilie face in a while.

This morning I slept from 5:30 until 2:45pm. I only fell alseep after my dad went to work.

I'm having the first deccent meal I've had in about 4 days. I'm kind of excited and yet, not excited about that. It's amazing how easily I can fall into old habits and not even think about what I'm doing. 

I wish that three years ago I would have known that I would both love and hate what I was doing. And that I would get so confused and frustrated because I wanted to do it so badly but I couldn't because I knew how destructive it was. I wish that I understood that it would hurt me more than it would help me. And I wish that at the time I had someone in my life who was able to ask me to stop before it got out of control. I didn't have that though. There's things I had to learn without help from anyone else and it's been extremely hard. There were times when getting better didn't seem worth everything it required. Days when all I wanted to do was lay in bed crying because I couldn't continue what I was doing, but I didn't know how to stop either.

I like the direction I'm going as long as I don't give up and return to who I was and doing the things I was doing. It's been scary and I assume I will be scared again, but I know that God was with me, holding my hand and telling me I could do it and he will still be there when I get scared again.

I skipped church because I just didn't want to get out of bed. I think that's the worst reason ever. I also think if I wasn't yelled at to get out of bed for lunch.... I would still be there.

Today was surprizingly fun.