Yet Another Chapter of My Incessant Rambling.

This summer is almost over. I can hardly believe it. Actually, that was really dumb-sounding and cliche, becaue I can believe it. But the fact that I've been looking forward to going back to school for some time now prompts me to say that I can hardly believe it. I am looking forward to a lot of things. This may surprise some people, but I am actually looking forward to delving myself into hours of homework every night. Heck, I need to pull up my GPA if I want my academic scholarship back. Sure, I'll be stressed as all get out, but this is where study breaks at Starbucks and Carl's Jr. come in. Yes, there will be plenty of those.

This last year, I entered with no declared major. After about a week, I switched to Psychology and even took a few Psych courses. As the end of second semester was drawing to a close, however, I decided that the Psych major was too intense for me. So I switched back. And I have only recently discovered another major that I am interested in switching to: Communication Disorders. So there's that.

Today I watched "Steel Magnolia's" for the zillionth time. It is equally magnificent every time I watch it. If anyone reading this hasn't yet seen this movie, drop everything and go rent it right this second. After that, rent "The Other Sister". It's about two retarded people who fall in love, and it is one of the most touching and adorable movies of all time. Some may say I have a strange taste in movies. Part of me has an insatiable craving for horror/murder mystery movies, part of me loves action movies, and the other part of me can't watch enough chick flicks. And I mean the classic and classy ones, like "Ten Things I Hate About You" and "Pride and Prejudice" and "The Notebook". But seriously. If I were to have a movie marathon with all my favorite movies, I would watch "Braveheart" followed by "The Notebook" followed by "The Ring" followed by "Where the Heart Is" and not be phased at all. So I guess my taste in movies is not strange. I just like all types of movies. Except movies where Hot Girl runs into Hot Guy on the side of the street or on a beach and prompty have sex because of "love at first sight". My butt. More like crazy lust and infatuation at first sight, if you ask me.

See, I told you this was going to be incessant rambling. I really like that phrase. Incessant Rambling. I don't even know if I'm spelling that right, but I love the way it sounds. I know that for a blog or article to get a point across, the writer must not ramble and jump from topic to topic, but I'm not trying to get a point across, except for the fact that at the moment I am simultaneously extremely bored and enjoying a great cup of iced coffee from McDonald's.

Oh! Here's a topic I've been curious about for some time. If you have anything to say, please comment. The topic is: bikinis. I know, how exciting, right? I was raised in a home where wearing bikinis to the beach was strongly discouraged because it bares too much skin and is comparable to prancing around in a bra and panties. I guess after my older sister went off to college and came back sporting a bikini, my parents became more slack, as my younger sister and I are now allowed to wear them. I say that they are practical for those who want to work on their tans, and they are also more comfortable than one pieces. Even if I had to cover up my abdomen for modesty's sake, I would rather wear a bikini with a tank top on top than wear a one piece. But for some reason, I question how appropriate it is to wear a bikini when I am at the beach with guys that I know well and am close to, besides my family members and relatives. All of a sudden, I am unsure if I made the right choice in bathing suit attire when there are no long just strangers at the beach, but men that I know as well. It's because I don't want to cause them to stumble. Believe me, I am not saying that I have the perfect body, because I don't. I'm just saying that I wouldn't want them to be distracted by my bare skin when I am trying to carry on a normal conversation with them. So here's the question I am raising: is it very distracting? I asked my older brother this question, and he told me that as long as you have full coverage on [shall we say] the "naughty" bits, then it is fine. I know that different people may have differing opinion's, though, and I am very curious about what others may have to say about this.

So here's the part where you say, "Wow, Fran, I can't believe you just wasted nearly an hour of your life typing all that because it didn't make any sense at all." It's okay. I'll spare you the pain of any more of this rigamarole.

Go in peace, and feel free to dwell on one of my favorite quotes...

"Program? What has program got to do with spirituality, with creativity? A pastor discovers a workable program and repeats it in congregation after congregation to the immense satisfaction of his or her parishioners. The church members can be religious without praying or dealing with God. Prostitute pastor."
-Eugene H. Peterson

July 28, 2008

I would not have published this excerpt from my journal, except that something prompted me to. For some reason, I felt that I should.

Today I pray a new prayer. God, help me not to be ignorant of the things I should be knowledgable of. I have not seen the ugliest side of life. In fact, I haven't even come within close proximity of it. I don't know why God has spared me the pain and doled it out on others. The most painful thing I've ever been through has been losing a friend, and this not even to death, but to confusion and conviction. And yet, I feel as if those who have endured such awful and unexplainable pain live lives far less mediocre than my own. Is this thought rational? Why is it that my existence, at times, seems so drab? I wish there was always something to do, to keep my mind off myself. I really feel like there is more to life, but if this isn't it, what is?

I don't ever want to be ignorant or lazy.

Father, help me not to be obsessed with anything but you. All other obsessions will be unhealthy and will not help me to grow.

I feel so immature sometimes. What's the fine line between being immature and being young at heart? According to Frank, "Fairytales can come true. It can happen to you, if you're young at heart." I can't be anyone but myself, so I must be happy and content with how He has made me.

Everything will happen in his beautiful, perfect timing.

"Don't tell your God how big your storm is. Tell your storm how big your God is."

I am so emotionally spent. I do not remember the last time I was this drained, nor do I remember the last time I cried. My face gets so splotchy when I cry. Some people can just blow their noses and wipe their tears and get on with their day, but not me. Luckily, I was just making soup at the stove when it happened, and I was just around my parents so I didn't really care.

It's amazing how much someone you love can unintentionally hurt you. But I will not be pitied, for,

"If the LORD delights in a [woman's] way,
       he makes [her] steps firm;

  though [she] stumble, [she] will not fall,
       for the LORD upholds [her] with his hand." (Psalm 37:23-24)