I've decided recently that I need to update my weblog more often...try to write an entry, no matter how short every single day. Though I've reminded myself of this in the past, I think I will try to be serious about it this time... Part of the renewed interest is that I sit at home every day with not too much to do and sit near or in front of my computer for a large part of the day. Why not take that opportunity to keep a journal of my day, thoughts, questions, concerns? It seems silly not to. While ideally I would actually keep a written hardcopy journal, I think this would have to suffice as when I write too much, my hands get sore. Also, the main reason is that once I start my job working at the middle school with children, I'd like to jot down my thoughts regarding my job or particular kids. Then maybe a year later I can go back and see how these kids have changed or improved....then it could be a testament to my teaching skills or lack thereof.

Speaking of soreness, my fingers HURT!! Why, you might be wondering. Well, I've been going to CCMC again now that my summer travels are over and they've asked my help with worship team. The first week, I stood at the front and sang, which you know, is easy enough. The second week I was asked to play the acoustic guitar, which I know how to play some, but I haven't really picked my guitar up in half a year or more. My problem is that while I do enjoy playing the guitar, I enjoy strictly singing a whole lot more. So not having played in a while, my fingers aren't calloused over...and very tender from playing a set. Then for this upcoming week, they've asked me to play again which I happily agreed. However, I've been practicing the songs for Sunday and now they're really sore! And well, being the prissy girl that I am...I don't want rough, calloused fingers...haha.

For graduation, I asked my dad for a new laptop rather than a trip somewhere. I guess mostly because I know that I will use my laptop and wanted a Macbook Pro to assist me with the recording I would be doing for Sapphire. Not just that but it was time for a new computer...and being that all my friends were going on and on about how great the Mac was...I decided I'd get one. And believe me...I LOVE IT!! It's absolutely wonderful and I'm so glad I got one. So this was back at the end of May...and well...now they are having a promotion where you buy a laptop and then you get a free 8GB iPod touch. So....my dad bought my sister a Macbook and decided to keep the iPod touch to himself. And I gotta admit, it's pretty cool! I mean, you can check the weather and go online and download music straight from iTunes and more. But as cool as it is, I don't think I would have a use for it...I mean, I barely even listen to my own iPod these days. I find it kinda funny considering how much of a music lover I am...but go figure. Actually recently I asked my sister to give me her iPod shuffle which she wasn't using anymore...so that I can go running/work out with it. I used to run with my regular iPod...but have finally been convinced that I might damage the hard drive...so asked for the shuffle.

Well, that's all the ranting I plan to do today...except to say that I am such a procrastinator and don't handle my time too efficiently...I wish I was more organized! Okie doke...'til tomorrow!

So I discovered that lately my attitude has been one of indifference, and I don't think that's very good. I feel that for one to be apathetic probably draws just as much criticism as if I were to be pessimistic. I should care more about my schoolwork and classes and other daily mundane things in my life.

The fact of the matter is that I do get a sense of accomplishment when I finish a task, especially a really daunting one. I'm proud of myself when I finish reading a long book or finish writing a 12 page paper...

What brings about these thoughts? Well, essentially, I pulled my second (or perhaps third) all-nighter of my college career. I'm actually pretty proud of myself for that, since I'm sure that many other students have all-nighters all the time. Of course I'm sure that I could've avoided last night if I had started on my paper sooner or didn't procrastinate as much. It's just so hard when one has so little time for everything. I overloaded this semester with 5 reading-intensive courses, and I feel pretty worn out from it. It's a horrible excuse, but I feel that this semester has been one of the hardest semesters of my college career...and so it's okay that I pulled an all-nighter...

At the same time however, I can't help but note a feeling that my motivation for work and such has fallen a bit from its previous level. I do hope that after winter break and my sunny vacation in Australia, I will return refreshed and ready to start anew for the next semester. The truth is, my college career is coming to an end sooner than I realize, and I almost feel as if I have nothing to show for it...

One encouragement I always receive happens when I open my Bible and just read words of Truth which remind me of my real purpose in this world. A friend once asked me what I looked forward to each day, and I had responded that every day is a new day and I look forward to a new day. Yet lately I feel I've just been trudging through life and that each day seems more like a burden than something fun. Coming to that realization however, I think that starting today, I'm going to try to make the most of everything...try to wake up and feel excited about each day!

As I was sitting in my German philosophy class, I wondered why I am not as articulate as some people. For example my professor is extremely brilliant, and I have so much respect for him. When he lectures, he sounds like a well-composed literary analysis of the texts we read. Sometimes I feel that I sound childish, but perhaps as a trade-off I come across as being honest and better sympathized with. I feel that my writing skills are so elementary and puerile at times. I don't know how or why I'm an English major with my lack of exceptional writing skills. At least the consolation is that I've never had to write more than 15 pages for a report...pretty exceptional for an English major I might add. Perhaps if I was just more deliberate when choosing words or more consciously aware of my rhetoric or syntax, my writing would be so much the better. Or...I could just throw out all conventions and just write and express myself from the heart...