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Hey everyone,

I am back and this time my brain is working.....I was sitting here finishing up my supper with my two boys when it dawned on me....I want something more from my life. You see i had a man, i was with him for 4 years it was a good 4 yrs, it had its ups and downs like any relationship...He worked on the carnival and i stayed at home to watch the kids and hold down the fort. I never agreed with him going out there but like every woman, i wanted to be the one standing behind him, supporting what he was doing despite how much i was feeling lonely. I stayed faithful and true and waited at nights for his phone calls. Then one day he cheated. I left (actually i didnt let him back in the apartment!)

I eventually moved on with my life, you see i am used to pain and getting up and being strong. I found myself someone that was perfect for me. He wanted to spend ALL his free time with me!!!! I was in love!! Then like all relationships the honeymoon faze diminished and we were left with reality!!! (it wasnt that bad really!)

But this man that i fell in love with had changed! He was becoming more and more self seeking.......more obtuse....less helpful, less HERE! His friends started getting more important! While going through all this i was told by several different people that this is the society now a days. Family life isnt family life.

Of course with the demands that children bring and the high cost of living there usually is dual income or two jobs being worked! That is understandable.....BUT to never see that person due to their constant disappearance to their friends.....I was suppose to suck it up!!!! WAIT NO! i wont suck it up! I wont settle for less then what i was given at the beginning. Because i know that i can be given that! (He did it before!)

Years ago (or maybe some men i know) would stand up against their family and defend the one they love, now i run into a man who lets his family bad mouth me....and to top it off EXPECTS me to visit AFTER i know what they have said about me!!!!Ugh i dont think i am going to go there!!!! Like what am i? Chopped tuna? I have more self respect then that!

I dont know anymore, i sit with a smile and allow these things to happen all in the name of love! (and i dont like being alone!!) Well no one does really.

What i always thought was a perfectly happy life was a husband, a couple of kids, family outtings, Husband and wife outings with friends, and dates that we could have as a couple!!!!! (and yes of course visit the in laws!) But as it stands i am being JIPPED! (and ripped off).....i live in a town where i know NO ONE who would be willing to take my little ones for even an hour i am home all the time (which i dont mind often) and my man gets to go out and i am supposed to be happy i am so left out!!!!!!!

I have an at home business but it doesnt give me the freedom of running around outside with out my kids.....SO there is no support and somedays feels like NO man! Wow what to do with that!?!