Name:Rachel Country:United States State:Kansas Metro:Manhattan Birthday:10/17/1986 Gender:Female
Interests:I love God and my church. I love reading and the sound of rain on my windows. I also love playing in the rain and being crazy like that. Expertise:When i find one i will tell you. The discussions that you take before being baptized into the LDS church is something i know pretty well though, some say better then the actually missionaries. i don't know though. Occupation:Student
im having a hard time dealing with all of this. i wish it made more sense, i wish i understood it all better. i don't know really what to think about everything i just think it would be nice to have some clear answer thats all.
have you ever wondered what life would be like if you weren't you??? have you ever wondered what you would look like, sound like, even walk like??? i have, i wish sometimes i wasn't born me, that i didn't have the gifts that i do. i don't like knowing things and seeing things that aren't there, it's hard and confusing and very irritating. i wish that i could fly away to an unknown place and stay there for awhile. they say im special and yes i am but ya know what being special sucks. how do you explain to ppl who and what you are without them passing judgement. i don't like it. but i guess i will have to deal. oh well.
being truly alone is an art. now truly achieving is quite an accomplishment that not many can do. it involves truly separating yourself from all others, cutting your ties to the outside world. you have to be willing and able to forgo all human contact. you must hide yourself from everyone and everything you have ever cared about. now the question is who would be willing to do that. would you??? now there's another type of alone. the one where you keeps your ties to the outside world and your ties to everything you have ever loved. but on the inside you are truly alone. being with people does nothing. you are in a crowed room and yet you feel like your by yourself. you speak and no one listens. it is where your insides are screaming to be heard and yet all there is is silence. a deafening silence. the kind of silence that makes your skin crawl, the kind that makes you cringe. not many talk of this lonliness because it's a terrifying place to be. you are around others but you feel so empty, and slowly that emptiness consumes the host. taking over the body that once love and happiness and now there resides a monster. a monster that no one talks about. being here in the place is depressing you long to be free but yet you can't move you can't do anything. and how i long to be somewhere else.
