show me the way to bed
show me the way you move
fuck it, its sucha  blur
i love all the things you do

fate fell short this time
your smile fades in the summer
place your hand in mine
ill leave when i wanna

where do we go from here
turn all the lights down now
smiling from ear to ear
our breathing has got too loud
show me the bedroom floor
show me the bathroom mirror
we're taking this way too slow
take me away from here

this place was never the same again
after you came and went
how can you say you meant anyting different
to anyone standing alone
onthe street with a cigarette
on the first night we met

look to the past
and remember and smile
and maybe tonight
i can breathe for awhile
im not in the scene
i think im fallin asleep
but then all that it means is

ill always be dreaming of you

{blink182/ feeling this}

and...i wish i could let go of everything im afraid of, of being terrified of being alone, of falling apart, of letting my guard down, of showing how weak i really am, of being totally honest to everyone especially myself, of caring more about every fucking person other than myself in the hopes that someone else will fill the emptiness where I should be, of worrying, of holding back, of alcohol, of holding back, of wanting to let go.

why do i hurt the people that im closest to? why am i happiest when im sad sometimes?

i dont understand anything anymore and im goign to stop trying. i just want what everyone else wants, except that i dont know what exactly that is..

i am amazed once again by how little some people are able to understand about me...and at the same time how fortunate i am to have other friends who so completely understand and accept me.  it sounds like such a dismissive and ignorant label to call those around you naive; to dare to assume that you have experienced so much; that youre own thoughts, emotions, actions are more intense or more relevant than others...but in some cases and in some ways its true. there are simpley some things in life that you have to experience in order to understand them.

...but in the end i dont regret anything that ive ever done or said because i know that its all led me to this exact moment and i wouldnt trade anything that i know now for the world. i know what it feels like to truely love someone and i know what pain feels like and trust and sacrifice and....and i know that you cant really know yourself and what youre capable of with understanding these things and experiencing these things and thats why im so glad that i can look back and understand and be a better person because of or in spite of it all. this probably makes very little sense at this point but  no matter what im just so happy that i have people in my life that understand me so completely....its really quite amazing...