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bye.
<3-lauren

::edit::@ 8:33pm
Math for today:
Emo boy+ emo hair+ tight pants=orgasm
thats yer lesson for today. oo how i love youth.. and skinny boys with girl pants..and.. just life at this moment.
___________________________________________

So,things are getting back to normal.
and I'm happy.
mm.
School.. I love it. just for certain reasons... AKA: the few gorgeous emo boys in their girly pants and.. ah!
Devon..ah. possibly THE most gorgeous boy ever.Brian.. Sorry i broke your heart with such style.. but yer still cute
ooo how I've missed this life... this which is mine.just being me. *sigh of relief*
well.Schools going better
Not failing anything thank heavens.. because then I'd be royally fucked.but we already KNOW i wouldnt be grounded... because in this house.. that just doesnt work.*heavy laugh* anywho...
No clue whats going on with me.Think I'm going to go back to just being a swinger... SO much easier.far less heartache.dont have to get emotionally attached.. can just kiss,talk to, or do shit with anyone i please.
BloodBrothers show on May 26th.who wants to gooo? hit me up if you know my number.
well.I'm gonna go practice some guitar
For the few who know about it...I am not going to go out with Taylor..I would never do anything with him. YES he is in an awesome band..and YES he is cute.but NO i cannot do another relationship with drugs.I will not get hurt again.(haha, what a lie)... but yea..I am not going to be going out with him.Honestly.. if I ever did anything with any of jeremys friends.. it would be matt. now you all know.thanks.
PS: If you are not going to have the balls to say shit to my face..please dont just IM me..say shit..and go away.its rather annoying on occasion
I'm out A-faces
-lauren christine xavier panzano

There is an awkward feeling in my chest as of this hour. Like I cant get a full breath.and it's not just the cigarettes this time.nope.Something different.

So, It's officially come to close. And a fairytale is ended. maybe just for now?No. I think its over forever. Please noOne give me false hopes anymore. But this is life.This is what we must live.Everyday bringing forth change and obstacles. Some we'll get through quickly... others will take much time. Heartbreak is one thing we were made for.Its an adaption.Thats what we were designed to do, addapt to change. And, life's full of it.Some good, some horrible, each day is bringing about new things... and I just have to learn to get whats within my own reach.
Theres two more years in this house.. thats all. Kristin brought me to a realization.And I'm petrified.All i know... Is I have to shapen up. Time to grow up,take some type of responsibility, not the kind I have in this house, but for myself. In school and my actions mainly. Too many things I need to change, and I barely have time left to do it. I have a high feeling I wont be graduating when I'm supposed to.No strength in myself anymore.Used to.. but shits changed. I just want to be happy in life.No matter what I do.I just want it to involve either poetry, photography, or astronomy, yea, astronomy would be awesome. but.. on a lighter note i suppose.

went into Doylestown with LaLa anderson, ended up not going to a show..because we're fucking weird like that.saw some kids.saw phil... odd, but really cool.missed the kid. Sa wmy little sean,whos now taller than me...SO not cool.
smoked a nice amount of Camels. lit some shit on fire..relieved some stress...
but.. came home and found out people stopped by...
*lays head on desk*
i hate this feeling....
-lauren-


"Does he kiss your eyelids in the morning when you start to raise your head?
And does he sing to you incessantly from the space between your bed and wall?
Does he walk around all day at school with his feet inside your shoes?
Looking down every few steps to pretend he walks with you.
Oh does he know that place below your neck that is your favorite to be touched,
and does he cry through broken sentences that I love you far too much?
Does he lay awake listening to your breath?
Worried you smoke too many cigarettes."
BrightEyes-The Calendar Hung Itself

Dreaming and wishing only go so far. But they can not save a broken heart,and they cant give back what was ended. Time will not heal all things,and in memories on her bureau there are photographs and letters.Yes the photographs and letters.Slowly collecting dust and trying to hide what she fears.Unreplacable things, that will never wash away.Uncertain of what is to come,only knowing what was then and now, Maybe there was still a hope.She could only pray.Its so hard to let go of the only thing you've come to know. A strong thing like that, a stable support.As time will pass, the leaves will change, and seasons will go on changing.Memories still scattered on her floor. How she wishes they could be revived. Replacing old photographs, filling in the fading color. And tattered sweatshirts that still smell like that morning, with smeared fingerprints on the letters that are still folded in her pocket.This was so hard to let go...
But the Music will stop, chorus pieces will fade.And a tragic romance is played out on an unattended stage.
By:-Lauren Christine

DaphneLovesDerby owns your mom

"We wont stop until the dawn has
Given its all to you
A warm appraisal hides
Behind an audience member(remembering)
The last thing i want (freeing us all)"-CircaSurvive

I'm sorry for my mistakes, but..
I miss you to death.

tonight turned out to suck
ended up not being allowed out... no ride.had to go to Emily's soft-ball game.. ah.they were surprisingly good. I was fucking freeezing though.what a pussy.heck yes

sooo tomorrow is Emilys birthday party in the morning. 6 hours of 10 yearolds skating,and screaming... I'm going to kill myself.fuck that.I am soo leaving early and jetting with amber to a show or some shit.
umm.so.
Hopefully still band practice sunday morning
Not fully coherant at the moment.
Parents are having a .."party" ah.i love it.makes me smile.
soo.Jeremy tore cartilage and ligements and shit in his ribs...they're bruised pretty bad.hope they heal soon. thats gotta be pretty fucking bad.GET BETTER! *sends card*
"I'm out niggas"
-lauren-
I'd do anything at all.... just to catch you smile again

Hey,did you hear about my mistakes?
I never thought you'd catch me looking down

CAREFREE AT LAST!
ah, this weekend is going to be fucking a-mazing.
back to the old me.. mmm. delicious.
show whore/cigarette fiend.. aht a lovely thing. yusssss.
I see tori tonight hopefully.
see Amber tomorrow night/sun morning
And HeyHey band practice on Sunday.. sweet one. heck yea.,
Taylor called me. odd? i dont know. it was nice. talking to him a bit the past 2 days... pretty keane. Nice to have someone new to talk to. umm. I'm not "in love" with the kid. I dont like him... just a friend... so dont freak out on me kiddos. okay? thanks.
umm. nothing else is really new... but heres a little more random shit.. just brcause I'm hyper beyond any imaginable expression.. so.. here ya go.

*sings* IIIII just wanna killl shit. kill kill killll. iii just hate you. la de da de daaa. *end*
wow.. amber hyper
we made a song when i had to piss. it was interesting.

well. I'm on the phone with Amber.. bc. she's cooler than you.
still happy.
school was amazing. burchs class. AH! so funny. he has a crush on my mom?!? lol.. man. what a weird fucking class.
First period with Amber... ooo man. us two together.. it shouldnt be done. AH! and i see her this weekend.
Hey Hey band practice Sunday morning apparently...
invited to go. maybe? i dont know, that will be very veryy awkward. egh.
Life is confusing, but I'm happy as all hell. yup
yup yup yup
fr8i8i8i8i8i8iesd
*kill kill kill*
i really need to figure out my life and shit. or, just what I want in life.. *bangs head on desk*
i didnt fail any classes this MP.. so thats a plus. at least I'm doing alright at one thing
-lauren christine