Say it to me now...

So, I haven't totally forgotten about Xanga. I was just stopping by to let you know that I still care.

It's a new year.  It's looking good so far.

Remember, Remember...

Happy Guy Fawkes day!  (technically, it's been over for a few minutes now...but still)  Sadly, I didn't celebrate in a way that would have made V proud...I did not seek out to blow up any major buildings.  I have however been putting a lot of thought recently into my political and idealogical beliefs in general.  I will post about that soon, but I am too tired to do so at the moment. Rest assured, it will be a lively discussion, encouraging debates, fostering new ideas, and providing some sense of clarity to myself and others about the world around us.  So...look for that soon.

Anyway...since I don't really want to write a whole lot on my own, I'm going to give you some lists...

Songs to listen to:
"Morning Lullabies" by Ingrid Michaelson
"Still Fighting It" by Ben Folds  (check out the music video if you get a chance)
"Ressurection Fern by Iron and Wine
"Fruit Tree" by Nick Drake
"Cathedrals" by Jump Little Children
"The Water" by Feist

Shows to watch:
Pushing Daisies
Pushing Daisies
Pushing Daisies

Plays to attend:
Wonderful World (15th, 16th, 17th, and 18th)

Poems to read:
"The Lovesong of J. Alfred Prufrock" by T.S. Eliot

Books to read:
"People's History of the United States" by Howard Zinn
"To Kill a Mockingbird" by Harper Lee (it's a classic, if you haven't read it, shame on you)

Feel free to share lists of your own...I always like new music and such.

PeaceLoveHappiness

Any minute now, my ship is coming in.

Hello.  How are you?

So lately, I've been listening to Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata, a lot.  I find it to be one of the most hauntingly beautiful pieces of music that I have ever heard.  I think I have so much respect and admiration for music because I have never been able to actually produce any of it by myself.  There are a couple of stories about Beethoven that have really struck me.  The first, is that as he gradually lost his hearing, he cut of the legs of his piano so that he could feel the notes as he struck the keys.  The second, is that after he debuted his 9th symphony, he turned to the crowd and saw the thunderous applause, but unable to hear them, he began to weep.  I can only begin to imagine what it is like to suffer for your craft in such a way...if I actually had a craft.  I wish I knew where I was going with this more...it's a pretty heavy subject that I should write more on.  But, I guess my main point is...I wish there was something in my life that I could be as passionate about.  I want something that affects me so deeply, something that I am so attatched to that I am willing to lay on the ground and pound away just so I could feel something of that which I have given so much of myself to.

Anyway, talking point two. 

I want to talk about family.  I find the idea of my parents being more than just my parents, but also individuals fascinating.  I know it may sound stupid, but think about it.  At what point do you seriously sit down and consider your parents motives for doing what they do?  For so long it seemed like all my parents did was provide a framework for me to live within.  Naturally, they did everything parents do, they loved me, fed me, sheltered and protected me.  But it hasn't been until the last few years that I've really began to see them as more than just my parents, but individuals with their own goals and motives.  I guess I took for granted that they had more obligations than just to me and my family.  I had a very selfish view of them until recently.  However, now that I think about what my parents have done for me, I have a new level of love and respect for them.  It's not easy raising children.  When I sit down and think of what my parents did...it amazes me.  It amazes me even more that it took me so long to realize what a sacrifice it is to have kids.  Surely there are many things that my parents would have wanted to do, but family obligations would always come first.  Being that dedicated, and that pure in motive is hard, and a lot of parents fail.  I guess I consider myself blessed that I had parents who were so loving, and so willing to take the time to take care of me.  I feel like no matter what I do in life, I have a leg up on other people because of how I was brought up.  I feel like my parents instilled values in me that I can respect in other people.  I like to think that I am genuinely a good person.  I know I slip up sometimes, but in the grand scheme of things, I like to think that I take into considerations other peoples feelings, that I show a genuine interest in the people around me, and that I am someone who is dependable.  I would have none of these things without my family.  So...I don't, just wanted to throw that out there.

Okay, talking point three...(if you are still with me, thanks, you can stop at any time, I won't be offended.)

I think one of the most bittersweet moments of my life was when my sister had my niece, Savannah.  On the one hand, I have the most amazing niece in the world.  Watching her grow up has been so amazing, I can't properly put into words how special it is to have her in my life.  On the other hand, I feel like I lost a lot of really special time with my sister.  She had Savannah when she was 18.  I was just starting high school, and my sister was pregnant and moving out of the house.  Growing up, we were like any brother and sister, we fought at times, got a long at times, but we were always there for each other.  But once my sister got pregnant, I essentially became an only child.  Throughout high school, I was the only one of us living at home.  I even got her old bedroom once she left.  I really feel like we missed out on a wonderful chance for us to have bonded more, and grown up more together.  Instead, my sister grew up the hard way, and I grew up in high school with a sister I rarely saw, and 10 friends to fill the gap.  In all honesty, part of me wishes I could have had that time with her back, because I'm not thrilled about our relationship now...it's not bad, but it's not great.  However, I wouldn't trade having my niece around for anything in the world.  Anyway, just wanted to get some of this off of my chest.

Well, that's it.  I could write more, but it's late and frankly nobody wants me to keep going.  Feel free to comment or post, I love hearing family stories.

Peace, Love, and BradyNess.

This whole world needs an anthem...

I must apologize to my fellow Xanga-ers for the tardiness of this post.  You have my most humble apologies.

So...let's see...I am now 21 years old.  It's pretty cool I guess.  I mean, it's not like I feel any different than I did before.  Although lately, I have started to feel older, but that has come about in the past few years.  It's a weird feeling.  And to be fair, it's not that I feel "old," it's that I feel more mature.  I feel like I am looking at the world through a different lens now.  Understanding different things that go on in life and in the world has evolved from as little as two years ago.  Things that affected me then, would have no affect on me now, and things that affect me now wouldn't have even been considered in the past.  The weird thing is that it was so gradual that I didn't even notice the change.  It makes me wonder if there was a moment.  A moment where I changed.  I don't mean a moment that was an instantaneous change, but the starting point if you will.  Who knows.  I don't, so...you probably won't.  In case you didn't know, I am really just rambling at this point.

Recently, I have partaken in something strange...something theraputic.  Allowing myself to be moved to tears.  Don't hold back, just go for it.  Some people may judge me and that's fine.  However, I find it to be beautiful.  Being able to be moved to tears by a piece of music, a work of art, or just words.  Being able to identify in a brief moment with another human being that you will never meet, never know, and they will never know you.  But allowing yourself to give into that emotion that you feel, and connect on a human level that we can all understand, that we can all relate to...it's amazing.  There are so many differences between everyone in the world.  Everyone has a different point of view.  It is said that no two people are alike.  Yet for all the differences that we may have, we have something in common.  The fact that we are all here, sharing life at the same time, experiencing life at the same time is something, and to be able to share in that with people in their pleasure, their pain, their joy, and in their sadness is what keeps me going.

Well, that's all I got people.

Pax, Amor, Beatitas

Here, take my sweater.

Salutations faithful readers/members of the return to xanga movement members,

A few of us went camping up near Fayetteville this weekend.  It was pretty fun.  The first night was pretty shitty.  have an equation that provides proof that the first night sucked.  It looks like this... late start+traffic+arriving in the cover of dark+putting up a tent with a skillet as your mallet+heat+sweat = sucky first night.  If anyone finds fault with my proof...feel free to share.  The rest of the getaway was good.  I was reunited with my bffeaeaeaea Mary.  Always good to see Mary.  Also got to see Michael   Very thrilling.

So...enough of the play-by-play.

You know what I find is difficult?  I will tell you since you can't read my mind, and I quite frankly want to answer my own question.  Change.  Change is hard.  I know it's not an earth shattering revelation.  But it doesn't make it any less true.  There are so many things about myself that I want to change.  Big things and little things.  It's hard though.  There are times when I think that I would just like to start fresh.  Just start living my life a whole new way.  Then reality hits me, and it's like I am running into a brick wall.  I don't like running into brick walls.  It's frusterating.  I want to treat people how they deserve to be treated, I want to say the things that should be said, I want to be someone that people turn to for help, and I want to be enthusiastic about my life every day.

P.L.H.