lonekoala's Xanga

back to the future

Thu, 15 May 2008 17:52:04 GMT

I haven't been stressed in a long, long time. Sitting in front of dual 22'' monitors, sipping on a large Robek's Polar Pinapple smoothie at half the retail price, and lifting the occasional finger to change the song on my playlist, I've become so accustomed to this job of mine that I'm starting to look past it. I feel like i've squeezed as much fun as I was going to have at the beloved Office, where the hours are light, the peoples are engineer-y, and the feeling of contributions-done-for-the-world are disputable. I'm not bored of it, but just.. wishing for something more. I'm struggling to figure out how I should begin my rigorous climb to what would hopefully to the top of the social food chain. Maybe starting with me spelling everything correctly and capitalizing where i should be. But impossible tasks aside, I needed to justify my working at the Office for two years with a statement. The kind of statement that undeniably says "hey I did not just sacrifice two years of my youth working for The Man, only to find out that I wanted something more".

So then i registered for the Patent Bar exam.

And now I’m breathing into a brown paper bag, clutching a stress ball and praying that i have poo resistant underpants. Cause I have no idea how I'm gonna pass this thing.

why am i always attracted to deadly things?

Thu, 01 May 2008 15:46:42 GMT

http://nymag.com/restaurants/features/46462/

long LOOOONG article about eating blow fish. I was drooling throughout.

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Tue, 29 Apr 2008 14:48:08 GMT

i'm actually kinda looking forward to this.

http://www.penny-arcade.com/comic/2008/4/25/

*disclaimer don't sue me i'm using this under "fair use", i think that works. i just like your comics damn it Penny Arcade.

sunk

Tue, 01 Apr 2008 15:14:37 GMT

pull me back to the shore please.

and don't mention the stuff that created the "lonekoala" ever again please.

thank you.

* whoelse is sick and tired of the cryptic messages that means nothing? i know i am.

Monday, March 17, 2008

Mon, 17 Mar 2008 12:03:59 GMT

"Waiting gives devil time" - Simon Bishop, As Good As It Gets.

circle jerk

Wed, 12 Mar 2008 14:20:20 GMT

"The world under heaven, after a long period of division, tends to unite; after a long period of union, tends to divide. This has been so since antiquity." - Sanguo Yanyi (Romance of the Three Kingdoms)

Under the current circumstances, these words rightly occupy my mind. I don't think the "world under heaven" applies only to the instance of on kingdom separating into three, as it is told by the book. I think it applies to humankind as a whole because of the dynamic nature of our actions. We come into the world alone, and are quickly united with family and friends. After a period of time, due to changes in our age, nature, or expectations of society, we're plucked from our comfort zone, and plunged into yet another world made up of individuals and cliques not yet partial to the idea of a new member within their organization. Surely enough, the world under heaven eventually unites us with what is to be our fateful partners, and the cycle continues till the end of time.

I can tell you straight up that I don't like this idea. It's not the "unity" part that I do not like. No, I've got no problems with unity at all, as I've been a part of some group all my life. Whether the group be made up of 4 people who uses their initials to come up with a group name, or made up of 12 people and a man that has a stunning resemblance to Jesus (this is by no means supposed to be offensive, but the guy looks like all of the illustrations of Jesus), or made up of 2 people where the only commonality is probably sleep deprivation, or even 5 people whose group is aptly and unintelligently named G5 (yes it is named after the damn summit). But what I do want to complain about is my inability to adapt quickly enough so that when the group separates, as it is inevitable as according to the statement above, that I won't be the one that gets stuck with the check. I don't want to be the last one to be still amored by the notion of brotherhood or companionship, but end up finding only the dust trails left by those gone to supposedly bigger than better things, or simply to get the heck away from me. (I had a circle jerk analogy that I wanted to use here, but my imposed mental censorship is stronger than the lures of the First Amendment)

Though I do complain about things like this, the separatist feeling, the "others are getting out of the group" feeling, I recognize that I am also to blame. The powers that be never gave me the clairvoyance that I've asked, so I am constantly blinded by the confusing scenery of the present. I know I trudge on the thin line of becoming a hypocritical bastard, but no hippos are ever going to stop me from complaining. I relish the feeling of being a part of a group and the bravado I get from knowing that I'm not alone, but I also hope that I could retain that false sense of confidence even when the people around me are gone. All in all I guess what I'm trying to do is to leave a reminder. To remind myself, that when it comes down to it, I still gotta be able to take care of myself, whatever the state of the world under heaven may be.

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Tue, 11 Mar 2008 20:04:31 GMT

i feel like shit.

rhythmic

Mon, 03 Mar 2008 09:32:09 GMT

I may appear to be free
But I'm just a prisoner of your love
I may seem alright and smile when you leave
But my smiles are just a front
I play it off but I'm dreamin of you
I'll keep my cool but I'm fiendin
I try to say goodbye and I choke
I try to walk away and I stumble
Though I try to hide it it's clear
My world crumbles when you are not near

- Macy Grey "I Try"

i never really listened to the lyrics, buh i always knew it was melodic and wonderful. now i got the last piece, and it's become my song of the moment =)

Monday, March 03, 2008

Mon, 03 Mar 2008 01:46:11 GMT

i'm becoming more sure of myself now-a-days. since i'm definitly not putting off work to write stuff in xanga. at all. i'd never do that. pshhh.

part 2

Fri, 29 Feb 2008 08:50:35 GMT

as an update on yesterday's situation, i'd like to reference a quote from the great movie "The Shawshank Redemption".

"I wish I could tell you that Andy fought the good fight, and the Sisters let him be. I wish I could tell you that - but prison is no fairy-tale world. He never said who did it, but we all knew."

i wish i could tell you that the old man fought the good fight as well, and i really could tell you that. but the result is still the same old heartache tale. The Man won. The little guy got screwed.