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| RIP to My Poor Titanium Powerbook... Almost 
I purchased my Titanium Powerbook back in June 2002. I've had it for almost 6 years now. I must say that many times, I am quite proud of the fact that I am using such an "old" machine and that it's been so good to me. Whenever people suggest that I buy a new machine, I make comments like, "Oh, nah, it'll last for a while longer." or "Why? It's so expensive to buy a laptop."
In these 6 years, I have never EVER replaced my battery, and so now, if I leave my laptop unplugged for more than say 10-15 minutes, it will surely die. This is fine in of itself, except that my power cord (right near where it plugs into the base of my laptop) has started fraying. Yes, fraying! But usually I can find a good "sweet spot" for the cord so that it's at least still charging my laptop. But this did begin my wariness of my little machine that was breaking. I started seeing the importance of backing up all my files, which I did. Again, more gentle coaxing from good friends that now is the time to buy a new computer.
Then last week, I tried closing my screen, and oops, half of the screen literally snaps off the base of the laptop. I stood in there amazement, looking at the screen basically half tangling there in mid-air. I think for a moment, and then decide, ok, yeah, I really need to buy a new laptop. So I went to apple.com and purchased the mid-range white Macbook. It takes about a week to get here, and I figure, I have plenty of time.
So in the last two days, things get progressively worse. Every time I open and shut my screen, more "stuff" starts falling out of my laptop... I'm talking chip-like looking things, sponge-like looking things (I guess parts of the insides of your laptop need cushioning or something), little pieces of metal are falling out or simply hanging there. The "sweet spot" in which I must rest my power cord in order to maintain a charge is slowly getting harder and harder and harder to find.
Yesterday, I twisted and turned and pulled and curled the power cord for at least 5 minutes, trying to find the place where my laptop would charge, fully aware that if I didn't find that spot within the next 10 minutes, my computer would die on me. I must say that I did fully back-up my entire hard drive a few days ago, with no major changes since then, so I should be ok. Today, I was writing a thank you email (which as of this moment still hasn't been sent out!), and again, every once in a while, I had to re-find that "sweet spot". While I was doing that, there were a few occasions where it actually started smoking, yes, SMOKING, and a nice sweet burning smell came with it! A couple of times, there were even a few sparks that came out of my power cord. Exciting! Like 4th of July!!
Finally, I decided this was it. I think I should stop looking for the sweet spot. I mean, my laptop might explode. Or catch on fire. Or electrocute me. Or something else bad might happen. I closed my screen and let my laptop go into its final, deep sleep. I shall wait for my Macbook that's on it's way to me even as I type this, I hope!
I will use Kathy's laptop for a few days. Please don't be upset if I don't respond to your email right away for a little while. I probably just can't check it!
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People
with blue Interests like job responsibilities and occupations that
involve creative, humanistic, thoughtful, and quiet types of
activities. Blue Interests include abstracting, theorizing, designing,
writing, reflecting, and originating, which often lead to work in
editing, teaching, composing, inventing, mediating, clergy, and
writing.
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People
with blue styles prefer to perform their job responsibilities in a
manner that is supportive and helpful to others with a minimum of
confrontation. They prefer to work where they have time to think things
through before acting. People with blue style tend to be insightful,
reflective, selectively sociable, creative, thoughtful, emotional,
imaginative, and sensitive. Usually they thrive in a cutting edge,
informally paced, future-oriented environment. You will want to choose
a work environment or career path in which your style is welcomed and
produces results. |
Hahahaaa.... this is Lucy? Is this what I am doing everyday?
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| It's been a strange few days. I don't know what it is. I've seen my family more. I've seen friends. I don't know what it is. I talked through a lot of this stuff with my roomie, Kathy, and I have hunch, but no easy answers. I don't know. No day exemplified it better than today. I will attempt to haphazardly explain my day.
I woke up to get ready for church. My family came to visit me at PCAC today, which was nice, and we went to eat lunch after that. Anyhow, Monica and Gary were back in town to visit for Thanksgiving, and it's always nice to see them. During Sunday School, I asked John (Woell) what he wanted to do after graduating from DTS. (This crazy guy plans to finish his ThM in 3 yrs total!) He told me that he had wrestled between missions, pastoring, and working with international students, and have narrowed it down more. Then he smiled and asked me what I'm going to do with my life. Now, if you know me well, you know that my facial expressions are UTTERLY transparent. I didn't say anything, but I know my facial expression gave it all away. John looked concerned and said, "Lucy, why are you frowning?"
Lucy, why are you frowning? I don't know.
The rest of the day was a blur. I went to eat lunch with my mom and sister. I drove home, utterly tired and wanted to be alone. I stopped by B&N, picked up some cookies, ate them, went back to my apt and went to sleep. I know I can turn to sweet foods for comfort when I am sad or struggling with the demons inside me. So yes, that's what I did. I went to sleep at 4 pm, with the intention of going to volleyball at PCAC at 7 pm, but not really knowing if I was really going to do that. I woke up several times throughout the next few hours, but didn't really let myself get up until 9 pm. You ever just sleep and sleep and sleep? You know you've reached the point where you don't need it anymore, but out of denial, you just keep sleeping? Yeah, that was me. Shortly afterwards, Kathy came home, and she was kind enough to listen to me talk. Afterwards, Alex, being my good friend who is always caring and concerned about me, asked me how I was doing on aim and offered to pray for me, as I know he did. Charlie asked me how I was doing too, and offered to pray. I kept thinking to myself and even now am thinking, what in the world is wrong with you, Lucy? Why are you being so downcast??
I still don't know, but here are a few honest thoughts...
I feel like I am being utterly disobedient to God. I feel like He's made it very clear to me what He wants me to do with my life, and out of fear (with excuse after excuse on my mouth), I keep Him at bay and push Him off. What do I fear? I fear failure. I fear loneliness. I fear inadequacy. I fear that maybe it's not really that clear, and that I can do other things. Yet the burden is strong and has been in my heart for years now. I know myself. I know my weaknesses and the deep struggles I have to deal with on an on-going basis. In my "safe haven" of Dallas, TX among good friends and family, it's much easier to deal with these struggles. But elsewhere? In unfamiliar territory, where difficulties are potentially compounded at a rate that I can't even imagine, I fear I would be crushed, wallowing in my own weakness and sin.
Yes, I am lonely. I am lonely for God. I often wish that I could go to heaven today and be with the Lord today. Now to the best of my knowledge, I will never know when that day will actually come... be it tomorrow or in 60 years... who knows. I think about life and how many things are meaningless. Now, please don't get me wrong. I love all the people in my life. I have many blessings, so many blessings, too many to count! And I do appreciate the small simple things. But many times, I really honestly just feel like many things are pointless, and we should just all go to heaven now. I think in some ways, that is a healthy perspective - to keep my eyes focused on God. But in other ways, it makes it difficult. But maybe I am exactly where my Lord God wants me to be.
Oh, I love the Psalms. They speak what I feel in my heart.  Thanks for reading.
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| Considering your lifestyle habits (i.e. living space, energy-use, transportation, eating habits, recycling habits, etc.), if everyone on the earth lived as you did, how many earths would it take to sustain your lifestyle? Find out by clicking the link below. This is really good stuff. Go through it and see what you get!
http://sustainability.publicradio.org/consumerconsequences
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| Random
I ran 6+ miles on Friday with Alex out of sheer will and determination. We ran from Parker up to Legacy and back. It was a crisp, beautiful night and a beautiful and very pleasant run also.... right Alex? 
I think I'll try to make Thursday nights family nights with my dad and sister. Times with them have been sweet. Pray for intentionality and consistency. My dad makes an AWESOME fish that I'm going to try to make too. Yeah, we'll see how that goes...
I feel like I haven't seen certain people as much and others, I've seen more. I think that's ok, but it's a bit odd too at times too. As I go about my days, random people's names pop up in my mind, and I smile, pray for them, or wish them well in my mind. If you are dear to me, you should know you are, even if I don't spend as much time with you all the time. Please remember that. I want to be intentional with my time, or view my time as God's time, always. Time is a precious gift that is from God too.
Ok, so Luke (Part 5) of Matt Chandler's sermons came out this week. I listened to it Friday night and loved it so much that I listened to it THREE times. Then Saturday morning, I listened to it AGAIN. That's FOUR times within a 24 hr period. I think I need help. Help.
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