lovely_et_beau's Xanga

Saturday, March 29, 2008

Sat, 29 Mar 2008 21:08:21 GMT

I cant believe that its been a lil under 2 years since I've last written in here. It's kinda strange. I've gotten away from a lot of things that I love because they remind me of people I use to love and sometimes thos memories hurt and that's the best way to explain it. i'm dating an older guy and it's a good relationship, but when one of my boy's came down from MI to visit me here in AZ I realized that something was significantly missing. The easy going comraderly, me being so conmfortable with myself and the guy to tell him any and everything and never feel embrassed about my felings. It was like immediate with this guy and then everything came to a immediate halt due to the fact that we both made some assumptions and seriously hurt the other. Right before I moved outhere I actually saw him again and we started hanging out, but I had already brought me ticket and was on my way out here to AZ. We hadn't really spoken since I left and he was coming out here to get a car that he purchased and we just cjhilled. It was so relaxing, we have our disargreemendt, but then we laugh and that's that. Everything is so relaxed and just ... It's just is. I dont feel pressure to be something that I'm not. I know that I can never lie to him, no matter what I can't lie to him. I've tried and for the most part it ain't happening. I miss him and didn't realize how much until I saw him and.... well my heart didn' pittr patter but my whole inside smiled and I just ran to him and hugged him. He asked no questions, just hugged me until I stopped hugging him. It's overwhelming sometimes to the point of unbelievabilty. The ting is taht I've been dating a guy here and I dont feel that I can tell him something andI feel like he just sideswipes some of my concerns and when I tell him that they're serious to me and he doesnt think so, I fell ... well like it's whatever fom him. I just am just up in the air. The thing is that the guy from MI was an ex- bf and it was like that from day one, the ease and relaxation and ability to be near him. I dunno what to do,, but I'm oing out with my guy that I'm dating out here tonight and we;'ll just take it from there. Any advice anyone wants to impart would be greatly appreciated too. Oh and the weather out here is like mid-80s and I went swimming it was so hot today, lol. Enjoying the weather like it's no one else's business.

Saturday, March 29, 2008

Sat, 29 Mar 2008 20:45:48 GMT

I'm bringing Xanga back - drop a comment if you're with me!

just catching up

Mon, 09 Oct 2006 09:17:05 GMT

Life has been nust , per usual. I got my blog transferred to my page on facebook. Good luck to anyone who reads it at all. lol. But seriously xanga is my sanctuary from all the craziness in life, so one day I might stop the direct feed and all that jazz. Welll I'm still workin on the Master's thesis, being a bit lazy about it and awaiting feedback frpom my advisor for the last 2 weeks./ I'm a bout to say "Fuck it!" and just do the paper the way I see fit and argue it out with the advisor later, since he hasn't made my paper a priority at all. Well guy problems per usual, butthat's life and guys can be real assholes sometimes, jus like girls can be real bitces sometimes. Ah, that's life too. Working diligently at the job I have and applying diligently for a new job that's actually somewhere in my career field. This job is for the bilss and stuff. Not for the love or career that I wanna go into. Been sleepin through the day, working on the thesis in the after noon and evenings and working late nights. Talke dto Garry some, mostly when he's on chat and I'm on chat. Cool ass cat. Been spending ton of time looking up images and stuff for my paper and it's been crazy with the powerpoint that I'm creating as a apart of the thesis. It's gonna be the visual /artistic aspect of the project. Guys and girls seem to be dealing with life okay enough on a day- to- day basis. Well that's about it for me of lates. I realized what I really need is a really crazy party night with awesome friends that'll chase some of my blues away. Oh and I have my Halloween Costume, it's so awesome and I just have to go buy the "extras" for teh outfit to make it as authentic as possible. I can't wait for Halloween. I''m gonna be cold as crap in my costume, but I figure after a lil bit of time in the house and sippin' on some drinks I'll be all warmed up, lol. I hope some of my peeps has theirs for the parties on Halloween. Note to self, *find some way awesome Halloween party.*

Saturday, July 08, 2006

Sat, 08 Jul 2006 18:30:24 GMT

Well things have been getting interesting of late. Hung out with an old friend..... well some things went down btwn us and hopefully we've situated them so that we can become cool peeps again. I definitely like him and he's not ready for anything permanent. His loss.. definitely. It sucks, but maybe I'm meant for someone else. I dunno quite know what fate, destiny, & my guardian angels have up their sleeve for me in the romance department, so I guess I'll just wait and see what happens. I'm confused and flumuxed alot lately. I've started packing up my room and stuff for the move in early August. It's crazy ridiculous. I might have a definite line on a job and I am not getting too over anxious, just keep praying and keeping my fingers crossed for great things..... ya know. Class is pretty cool. The fact that I've taken it before and passed the class is probably what makes it a lil bit stilted for me. I enjoy the class, but sometimes I dont wanna go and it's just me being nonchalant about things. It's what happens.

Been reading my articles for the thesis. Found about 10 more in my room today when I was cleaning up. It's crazy. I am so ready to be finished, but first I hafta settle in and focus to get everything done. Me and Nic are cool we talk on the phone alot about the craziness of life. He's a pretty cool cat. He might be leaving in a bit, but he's an awesome person. My girl Katee can't hang out this weekend and it sucks. Hopefully I get to go out with a cool acquaintance of mine, Amber. She's an awesome person and I always laugh and have fun when we chill, despite life and shit that happens in the atmosphere. Been enjoying the weather of late. Missing people dearly. Getting ready for the wedding next weekend. I'm so excited and can't wait for everything to come together and happen. I feel like I'm on pins and needles everyday. So awesome. Took an awesome bath and relaxed and stuff. It was really soothing and chased tons of "extra" stuff outta my heart, soul, and mind. Definitely worth the time and the soothing/ healing powers were well utilized and appreciated.

Sometimes I can't believe how much u can care for someone and them not understand. So that's life and a very hurtful part at that. What do you do?? Nothing I would imagine. You can no more turn on someone feelings for you, than you can turn off your feelings for them and that's the crux of life, love and everything in between. Trying to take everything one day at a time. Yeh, I still make wishes and dream, but I also try to stay close to reality just in case things don't work out as awesome that I want and dream then I won't have that much of a fall back to earth and reality. Those long & heavy falls hurt more than you know. So just finishing up thesis, class, packing, and job hunting. I miss alot of people whom I consider friends and acquaintances, whether they miss me or consider me a friend or an acquaintance. That's LIFE!! MuaH

Fun times with Nic...........

Tue, 27 Jun 2006 16:03:19 GMT

Hey everyone, so yesterday me and Nic hung out. It was pretty cool. We started at about 5pm an lasted til 9:30am when he dropped me off at home. It was soooo cool b/c we basically talked the entire time and laughed tons of times. It was nice and he has an awesome place. His roomie and gf are cool peeps too. Had a few drinks, played darts (i kicked his butt at darts.....I'm sweet), met some of his friends, tried to teach him to dance and laughed soooo much. I genuinely like this guy. For right now he's a pretty awesome person. So we'll probably be hanging out some more. Got classes tonight at 6-9pm........Kinda sucks, but what can ya do. Been researchin and slacking with the thesis stuff and now gettin on the ball to do it. Pretty interesting stuff that I'm finding out about my topic that I sorta knew.... then stuff I never knew.. ah well. Still no word from the infamous Josh. I gotta get my stuff that I left at his place. I need to call Nic too. Oh, I also fell asleep this morning while making breaskfast and woke up to burn bacon and boiled eggs jumping outta the pot cuz there was no more water in it. They were all broken and burned shells. So the next time I put breakfast on I set an alarm on my phone to wake me up. I didnt even realize that I was that tired. lol. One of those crazy things I guess. Well that's about it. I might hang out with Liz too when she comes down tonight or tomorrow. Well off I go to class. Hopefully he'll let us go early. I'm so whatever right now. Ah well what can u do. Lata gata

yesterday..............

Sun, 25 Jun 2006 15:10:43 GMT

I need to start takin more pics. So yesterday was crazy per usuaul.......

mom and bro came up for a visit

kids got picked up by them to go home

my sis went back to Detroit

Was the date for one of my boys for a wedding

Missed the wedding b/c my boy got misinformed about the time

Went to eat at Olive Garden...... awesome food!!!

Got mistaken for a couple and was asked to notify someone when the wedding happened.. lol. That was funny as hell

Went to downtown GR

Watched 'Son-in-law' and 'the best Will ferrell '

Went bar hopping... Taps and Gardella's

Got burned by a cigarette on my arm

Ran into a guy I was seeing for a bit..... and his friends

Argued with my good friend Kattee

Went and hung out with the guy an his friends.........Nic's a pretty awesome guy and I got his digits. I'm pretty awesome

McDonald's...............Mmmmmmmm

Nic drove me to Kattee's

Asleep by 4:30am........... What a night!!!!!!!

Can't wait for it to happen again

Thursday, June 22, 2006

Thu, 22 Jun 2006 17:14:57 GMT

Well it's been a while, this I realize. Argh!! LIFE. Well my summer class begins on the 26th of this month, next Monday to be exact. I'e gotten to reconnect with someone that I thought I'd never hear from again. It's been alright thus far. Same M.O. in action tho. What can ya do. The thesis outline has been created and I'm being a lazy ass about getting things started with it all. So crazy now. I am not seeing anyone "officially" in the bf depeatment, but it's whatever. I have a wedding to attend on Saturday with a friend of mine, then I have one July 15th too for my Big Sister. I can't wait for her wedding. It's gonna be so awesome and it's about time she found a MAN who's gonna respect and love her more than the ever realized was possible. She's paid her dues through life and deserves this type of happiness.Well the job search is going okay for right now and I haven't gotten any interviews really, but at least I'm trying and sending out resumes like crazy. I figure by trying I can't fail, b/c eventually some job'll come along perfect for me, then BAM!! It'll definitely be worth my time and frustration. I think that I've also found myself a house to livce in downtown GR. It's gonna be cool and they guy that owns it, I know. It should be pretty cool.

My thesis... it's been tough cuz I went in ready to get things done. NOW!! , I keep dragging my feet and don't know why. I'm gonna definitely finish it and get done what needs to be done. Along with the one class and job that I'm gonna find, my plate will be pretty full and just the way that I like it. Well on the MAN, bf, guy front... no one in particular b/c ... well it's a bit muddled and I dunno what to do with anything, so that's that. C'est la vie, which pretty much sucks, but it'll corretc itself in time. Oh, and trying to exercise and get back in shape. Trying to find the drive to do that daily too. I really do dislike living out here in Allentucy b/c I'm away from all of the activities and stuff. It's pretty okay for a while, now I'm sick and tired of living out here. Next semester will change things definitely.

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

Wed, 17 May 2006 18:09:36 GMT

Brought me a new digital camera today. My mom might be able to get my broket computeer fixed and updated at her job. I hope so. I brought some dvds yesterday. they were, Something New, Aeon Flux, and Bride & Prejudice. They were all cut and great. I loved Something New b/c it actually showed some of the reality of love, especially interracial love. I was loving it all and my heart was breating and feelin for the girl and the guy the entire movie. The thing about the guy that moved me and fall in love with him as a main character is that it was cute but as you got to know him and his personality more he bacame gorgeous b/c if his awesome personality. It was totally worth the mony. I've watched it once all the way through then 1-3 times from my favorite part when they were kissing under the tree, and he had her against and on the hall table kissing her. It was great. Now a great movie that I would recommend. I invited Will over, but his car and all that jazz is actin up. DiVinci Code movie on Friday We've decided that that's the movie that we wanna go and soo. I also brought Ashley P[arker Angel's new CD. So awesome. I love his lyrics and his musical beats. I still have my heart and it doesn't ache at all, so that's how I know it still belongs to me. That's a good thing for me, well kinda it's good. Whatever, life has a way of just getting u where ur suppose to be no matter how much you fight it and rail against it all. I'm actually happy with where I am right now. I have cool peeps and meeting and chilling with others. Maybe one of these days I can get Will out to "shake his groove thang" with me at one of these clubs out here. Dancing is athe ultimate freedom, intoxicant, not to metion foreplay. lol. Well I love it cuz it's like a great work out and I have extremely large amounts of fun doin it. I'm trying to get to Margaritagrille tonight tho. I might just wear my new tinin mini skirt. It's black and has white pinstripes. It's gonna be awesome if I get to go."Shake my groove thang, shake my groove thang, hey hey." LOL. I'm so silly. Well outta here b/c I need to go home, eat and figure out an outfit for tonight if I decide to go out and do my hair. Oy vay!! Whatever. lol. Laters evreyone

Grey's Finale...........................

Tue, 16 May 2006 13:06:23 GMT

Grey's Anatomy Seaon finale was AWESOME last night. I cried and laughed and then cried some more. I can't wait til the second season comes out on dvd. Ciao!!!

Heureuse?????.......................................................... Je ne sais pas!!!!

Mon, 15 May 2006 13:17:53 GMT

Hey everyone... well the weekend was uneventful, in the party scene. Mostly I spent my time reading, watching my niece, cleaning, talkin to my boys, computer, and sleepin. Etting happened occasionally. lol. I had so much fun with my niece. She's learninghow to walk and it's cute and frustrating because she loves goin up and down the stairs with or without someone there with her. You have to keep a constant eye on her and it's ridiculous too. I love here though, despite us having out quarrels. She's barely one but she can hold her own ground when she wants something and is stubborn to boot. She reminds me of my sisters, close cousins and nyself when we were children. We were stubborn and often verbal to the point of getting in trouble by our parents and adult family members. We compromised on somethings, but some we're non-negoitable in ant degree. lol. Well bee on and off teh comp with my boy Will. He's a cool cat. Might be hittin the movies with him this Friday with some friends and stuff. It should be pretty cool hangin out. Well I have no transportation out here except my bike to get on and off campus, so it sucks that my lil sis took my bike and went on campus. I dont wanna walk on campus at all, so I haven't and I'm using a neighbors computer. Still job hunting and all that. It's crazy. I hope to have my car up and going in the next few weeks, hopefully along with a job too. Wish me luck. Should be heading out to Chicago in a fe weeks to after I check with my boy and see what would be the greatest times to come downa nd see hom. Thinking about hittin up Las Vegas, Nevada and Phoenix, Arizona this summer on the weekends if I get my job. I wanna go visit friends and all that jazz. Well gotta invite to my Big sister's (BBBS program) that's happening in June or July. I have the invite in my apt and she deserves a great man in her life, so I'm happy for her. Nothing extreme today except I realized that someone who was into me wasn't for me so I had to tell him that and it sucked cuz he looked geuinely surprised by that notion. He was a cool guy but I wasn't feelin him like he was feelin me so we're either gonna be cool peeps or go our seperate ways. Chea, it's whatever right now. Imma give it afew days for everything to cool down, then if he still wants to be cool, so be it. Well that's about it for me. Nothing huge that'll send me screamin for the wood works happening here. Ciao everyone.