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lovesacguy
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read my profile
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Name: Wayne
Country: United States
State: Texas
Metro: Arlington
Birthday: 2/17/1988
Gender: Male
Interests: Goodwill, vintage and retro, provided its cheap, , geeky stuff like books and vid games, music (i sing and play guitar in a "punk" band (i have to put the ""s because ppl get all pissy)), poetry, fun stuff the usual....goofing off messing things up, fixing them back....you know stuff, but im open to pretty much anything....chicks, most all this other stuff is bullshit, its mostly just chicks
Expertise: Oversized Sacs....ive been born with a knack what can i say?
Occupation: Sales
Industry: Retail
Message: message me
Website: visit my website
AIM:  ChloroformCandy
MSN: yandellwayne@hotmail.com
Member Since:
9/1/2005
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| my heart beats so fast everday up until i can see you...then you smile, i suppose you will again...i hope that it's a smile i'll receive...part of me is afraid that when i reach your door and i stand there holding something for you, you'll answer...you won't recognize me, or you will and you say, "What are you doing?"....the most ideal part of me, in every good dream i have, you answer the door and you place your hand on my face...."Welcome home, kid," you remove the package from my hands and place them shaking on your back and squeeze me until it's gone...it...everything...anything not us...sure it may sound trite...but maybe i'm trite...i'll be whatever i have to be for things to work....it's sometime so hard just to call...when i call, there's just this seemingly estranged voice on the other line...not you, corporeal and just real...someone to hold, not just walk through in a dream...or is any of it real?...does my mind create you often, so comforting and wonderful just like i need...i dont deserve that "welcome home," that smile, i'm trying, i hope one day you'll see...i'm growing stronger, trying to learn and be deserving...of you...and maybe one day, God will allow it, grant my fate such...in those seconds, when i see you, i'm so sure...i want to be sure...its not as easy to fight as it most oftentimes is...i can't stop adoring you, i don't know that i ever could...i don't know that you'll read this, that you'll know its about you, that you'll smile that smile and not worry anymore...the world isn't so big, but any distance seems so far....things seem easier in some ways, knowing that you are where you are, just existing being you, and so much harder on my heart sometimes when i fall asleep hearing your voice, seeing that smirk, and waking up just me...you away, in time...i know that in time...if it should, it will...if it doesn't, i still won't forget... | | |
| just a notion...but if youve never wondered..i have
It is often said that a person's eyes are the window to his or her soul...I ask why we need a window...why are our souls so guarded, what can touch them, what are they afraid of?...I think that our soul is as the plant that grows only in the shade behind something much larger and less graced...My soul, which hides behind my face wells up to the surface when it feels the hope and future call to it..that is the sun, when the wind doesn't torment, and the storms permit, the soul grows stronger and more healthy and alive when it can peer around the larger object that it hides behind...This is an explanation, or it could be that the soul is trapped behind these eyes and skin which protrude into the world....perhaps that is why in death, one's soul leaves the body, because finally it can...after years of being confined only to see,smell, hear, touch,taste and know what this body was allowed to, it is freed, to observe all existence...what could be a greater achievement...beyond these explanations is the one of importance to us living...what moments are those that summon our soul to nearly spill out of our senses...so drawn to something that our soul leaps, as it were a malnourished dog for a small morsel....these are the thoughts which occupy my mind, those moments, what meaning lies there?...why does my soul surge forward, and what does this mean to the rest of me?...could this be the intuition that leads us to our greatest potential life...this, i believe, is your soul remember something in the plan it made for this life...to follow it, and see what your potential holds, ive found is truly up to you...but i do find that you get more than one chance...or twenty...and i hope that stands true...though, i think my soul has been pouring out, scratching at the door of the world to see and know what I apparently do not... | | |
| another day...spent at the mall...i spend more time there than i do at
home...that's probably a good thing...the less time away from the sacs
the better...the store just isnt alive when im not there...not too much
happened, saw a couple people, did a highly entertaining taped
interview about shoplifiting in the mall where i made a wynnona ryder
reference...always good...it felt great today though, which made my
walk to work(due to the fact that i left my keys at brandons)
almost enjoyable...every chance and break i got, i ran outside to enjoy
the coolness, because im pretty sure it wont last here...either way, i
could breathe today, and that's always neat...i really do love my job,
i get to talk to everyone...about all kinds of things...its great being
that in the loop, plus i get to study people...as creepy as that
sounds, thats what i do...and the more i learn, the more i sell...gotta
love that ratio...oh well, im gonna go read, call some peeps...and
maybe catch a couple z's...they gotta come my way sometime...so should
you all...keep it gangster
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too cool
a cracked out little jingle i came up with the other day...
When my mother had me she wondered what she did
I came into this world with Costello stuck in my head
I wear a jacket and a hoodie in the hot Texas heat
I drink black coffee with pink sandals on my feet
The cat's pajamas were just too small
And the bees knees just didnt fit at all
Being cool was never cool enough
Ive always had a little more, than just the right stuff
I wear my shades in the dark dark night
Id rather stumble around, than turn on the light
I smoke cigarretes when i have a cold
Ill roll two dice for 13 before ill fold
i know...its ridiculous...but you laughed i know you did
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under the hill....over the top
i
love how much sense the subject of my blog makes...i know you do
too..."you," it probaly should be plural, and you know ive noticed that
oddly enough, my most adamant readers, are those that dont think very
highly of me....its that kind of irony that makes me shake my head and
keep typing, i think....i am withall without, i know no other way to
put it....i have been reading shakespeare and ive found that it isnt
the history, the impact, the story, even the flourish that i find
appealing....its the feeling like he stayed up nights wondering,
pondering, racking, writing not just for the sake of art....see that's
where your mind goes, that he was this amazing artist, and i will not
argue against that, but what i mean to admire is the way he writes for
and with purpose....i wonder what went through his mind as he inked the
hideous conspiracy fated in macbeth, the poet he mocked as he discussed
his almost downtrodden love in a sonnet i cannot recall right now, did
he know the pain of loss and distrust from "much ado about nothing..."
i wonder if he sat much as i do, within our generational gap and
wondered who his work might influence....which king might find favor,
which lass might turn her heart, which enemy might break beneath the
weighty words of a sharpened tongue....but i am no shakespeare, i am no
marlowe, no petrarch....i am the one who writes not to gain favor with
kings, for what king takes notice now...i languish in my own
self-indulgence, such is an inspiration so crude if it were oil of
thousands of kilos, but a single ounce could be refined into anything
useful....its the nature of the beast i suppose....with that apple from
the tree of knowledge did not come any kind of application, just
consequence....not any new skill, just restitution....after the taste
of such an apple, though beasts of the heart and suffering of all kinds
may have come upon the world, still i attempted to smuggle more...from
the garden of innocence and hope, i wished to accrue the very thing
that brought down my reckless damnation....knowledge in hopes that with
the next bite would be something, anything to open my eyes, to find a
way....to beat it all back, to be naked again and ignore my shame...i
have come to find myself over the generations, the unrelenting tongue
of Adam, the proud and resentful heart of Cain....i believe perhaps
that i too wander this world...banished from my own path of potential
goodness...but do any of us wonder what exactly Cain is looking
for...that's why i believe we may be alike...because i feel that we
both wake up often and hope....no hope is too far, we wish to hope that
there's something to cover up what we've done and the monsters we've
become....perhaps the warmth of the love of another, something kind and
good that ignores, forgives, because or in spite of who i was
before... i wonder if the
pattern of energy that has trailed me for so long will actually leave
me just long enough, though the current romantic status could be an
issue...not that it has before, but i read a sense of loyalty, and
love...a word that makes my blood run in reverse, not because of fear,
but because it seems to imply a certainty, and an unchangeability...it
is a blanketing word that seems to allow no room for the anything
else...for me...you know me, i run faceforward into walls, knowing
theyre there and knowing it might not feel to great...maybe its the run
i enjoy...or the idea that maybe when i get there i wont have noticed,
but the wall was really just an interestingly painted door.....i dont
know that it matters who reads these, im so damn cryptic and
my blogs so riddled, that the sphinx itself would probably call around
to ask what the hell im talking about...if you actually read all this
and dont feel like also running facefirst into a wall...i dont even
know what to say | | |
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