So I have just spent the last 30 minutes on my trampoline in the middle of the biggest thunderstorm  Georgia has had all summer.  It was both the best thing and the stupidest thing I have ever done, but I would do it again in a second.

My family left last night for Myrtle Beach without me because I have to stay home and go to practice and stuff.  So I was at home with no plans and nothing to watch on TV when it started raining.  At first it made me want to cry because I felt so lonely and all I wanted was to be held but when I walked to the window, the kid inside of me told me over and over again to go dance in the rain...so I did.  I walked out to my trampoline and started to jump with the thunder bellowing in my ears and the rain coming down like bullets on my head.  And I jumped and for a second I felt stupid and hoped no one was watching out thier windows but then I realized that I had never felt so free or like me as I did in that moment.  Then I hoped they did look out the window then listened when the kid within them called them out.  The more I jumped the bigger the smile on my face got.  I took my hair down and held my arms out wide and started laughing out loud at myself and how funny I must look jumping as high as I can in the middle of the pouring down rain.  And I realized that in that moment I was more ALIVE than I had ever been in my life.  Then I got tired and layed flat on my back and let the raindrops lick my face and sting my eyes.  I let the wetness of my t-shirt keep me right where I belonged.  I let myself drink of the pure water falling on my lips.  I let the rain wash away all the pain and fear and lonlieness and anger.  I let it strip me down to who I was inside.  Then a voice whispered loudly in my ear "be still and rest in my holiness..." words I never fully understood until that moment.  And I listened.  I listened to the stillness of the world around me...listened to the sound of the water slapping the trees...listened to steady sound of my contented breath in my lungs...listened to the sound of my own heartbeat...and the words my heart was whispering.  A few minutes later the rain slowed to a gentle mist and I felt the sun warming my face.  When I opened my eyes I saw a few pine branches opening to reveal one of the bluest skies I have ever seen.  And I sat up and climed down off of the trampoline with a feeling of satisfaction overwhelming my soul.  I felt full and complete.  All of my fear was gone and I whispered a soft "thank you Jesus"

to

the

maker

of

 the

rain

because he had shown me how to embrace the storms of life, both literal and otherwise, until the sun decides to show its face

just

in

PERFECT

time.

Now I am going to go for a run with my camera to all of the places where I feel whole...the places my soul feels content and in th midst of beauty...and I am going to capture the pictures that are painted on my soul that oftentimes my mind forgets to see.

I AM FINALLY ME...for now.

And this just must be added...strait from the xanga of Ms. Carmen Turner who I love with a burning passion...

"There is not a single square inch in the whole domain of our human existence over which Christ, who is Sovereign over all, does not cry, "MINE!"

i thought it was pretty much amazing.  He could point to anything and say, "that's mine... mine too... and that..."

Artist/Band: Heartland
Lyrics for Song: I Loved Her First
Lyrics for Album: Heartland Lyrics

Look at the two of you dancing that way
Lost in the moment and each others face
So much in love your alone in this place
Like there's nobody else in the world
I was enough for her not long ago
I was her number one
She told me so
And she still means the world to me
Just so you know
So be careful when you hold my girl
Time changes everything
Life must go on
And I'm not gonna stand in your way

But I loved her first and I held her first
And a place in my heart will always be hers
From the first breath she breathed
When she first smiled at me
I knew the love of a father runs deep
And I prayed that she'd find you someday
But it still hard to give her away
I loved her first

How could that beautiful women with you
Be the same blue-eyed kid that I knew
The one that I read all those fairy tales to
And tucked into bed all those nights
And I knew the first time I saw you with her
It was only a matter of time

But I loved her first and I held her first
And a place in my heart will always be hers
From the first breath she breathed
When she first smiled at me
I knew the love of a father runs deep
And I prayed that she'd find you someday
But its still hard to give her away
I loved her first

From the first breath she breathed
When she first smiled at me
I knew the love of a father runs deep
Someday you might know what I'm going through
When a miracle smiles up at you
I loved her first

I'm gonna tell my guy that this is the reason my Daddy cried the first time he saw love in his eyes reflecting off mine...when he saw it wasn't just puppy love...when he saw he might be the one I could love forever.   My Daddy loves him and thinks he is the perfect guy for me and that is why he cried that night...he knew someday he would have to let me be another guy's "BABYGIRL".  Someday at my wedding me and my Daddy will dance to this song.  Because "HE LOVED ME FIRST."  My Daddy has and always will hold my world...because he is my world whether he knows it or not.

So last night...I had an in-your-face, close-as-skin, strong-and-gentle, moving-and-humbling, reassuring-and-convincing meeting with my savior.  I will never be the same. 

No other name would lay down his life for my tainted and offensive life.  He is my everything...and the reason behind my joy...the giver of all things good including the things that don't appear that way. 

All things work together for the good of those who love him.

I love it when "that boy" sings whispered songs in my ear and tell them they were written just for me.

"She's Everything"

She's a yellow pair of running shoes
A holey pair of jeans
She looks great in cheap sunglasses
She looks great in anything
She's I want a piece of chocolate
Take me to a movie
She's I can't find a thing to wear
Now and then she's moody

She's a Saturn with a sunroof
With her brown hair a-blowing
She's a soft place to land
And a good feeling knowing
She's a warm conversation
That I wouldn't miss for nothing
She's a fighter when she's mad
And she's a lover when she's loving

[Chorus]
And she's everything I ever wanted
And everything I need
I talk about her, I go on and on and on
'Cause she's everything to me

She's a Saturday out on the town
And a church girl on Sunday
She's a cross around her neck
And a cuss word 'cause its Monday
She's a bubble bath and candles
Baby come and kiss me
She's a one glass of wine
And she's feeling kinda tipsy

She's the giver I wish I could be
And the stealer of the covers
She's a picture in my wallet
Of my unborn children's mother
She's the hand that I'm holding
When I'm on my knees and praying
She's the answer to my prayer
And she's the song that I'm playing

[Repeat chorus]

She's the voice I love to hear
Someday when I'm ninety
She's that wooden rocking chair
I want rocking right beside me
Everyday that passes
I only love her more
Yeah, she's the one
That I'd lay down my own life for

And she's everything I ever wanted
And everything I need
She's everything to me
Yeah she's everything to me

Everything I ever wanted
And everything I need
She's everything to me

You can't go wrong with Brad Paisley.

"When I Get Where I'm Going"
(feat. Dolly Parton)

When I get where I'm going
On the far side of the sky
The first thing that I'm gonna do
Is spread my wings and fly

I'm gonna land beside a lion
And run my fingers through his mane
Or I might find out what it's like
To ride a drop of rain

[Chorus]
Yeah when I get where I'm going
There'll be only happy tears
I will shed the sins and struggles
I have carried all these years
And I'll leave my heart wide open
I will love and have no fear
Yeah when I get where I'm going
Don't cry for me down here

I'm gonna walk with my grand daddy
And he'll match me step for step
And I'll tell him how I missed him
Every minute since he left
Then I'll hug his neck

[Repeat chorus]

So much pain and so much darkness
In this world we stumble through
All these questions I can't answer
So much work to do

But when I get where I'm going
And I see my maker's face
I'll stand forever in the light
Of his amazing grace
Yeah when I get where I'm going
There'll be only happy tears
Hallelujah
I will love and have no fear
When I get where I'm going
Yeah when I get where I'm going

Currently Listening Lifesong By Casting Crowns see related

Every tear I've cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

She is running 
A hundred miles an hour in the wrong direction 
She is trying 
But the canyon's ever widening 
In the depths of her cold heart 
So she sets out on another misadventure just to find 
She's another two years older 
And she's three more steps behind 

Does anybody hear her? 
Can anybody see? 
Or does anybody even know she's going down today 
Under the shadow of our steeple 
With all the lost and lonely people 
Searching for the hope that's tucked away in you and me 
Does anybody hear her? 
Can anybody see? 

She is yearning 
For shelter and affection 
That she never found at home 
She is searching 
For a hero to ride in 
To ride in and save the day 
And in walks her prince charming 
And he knows just what to say 
Momentary lapse of reason 
And she gives herself away 

Does anybody hear her? 
Can anybody see? 
Or does anybody even know she's going down today 
Under the shadow of our steeple 
With all the lost and lonely people 
Searching for the hope that's tucked away in you and me 
Does anybody hear her? 
Can anybody see? 

If judgment looms under every steeple 
If lofty glances from lofty people 
Can't see past her scarlet letter 
And we've never even met her 
If judgment looms under every steeple 
If lofty glances from lofty people 
Can't see past her scarlet letter 
And we've never even met her 
We've never even met her 

Does anybody hear her? 
Does anybody see? 
Or does anybody even know she's going down today 
Under the shadow of our steeple 
With all the lost and lonely people 
Searching for the hope that's tucked away in you and me 
Does anybody hear her? 
Can anybody see? 
Or does anybody even know she's going down today 
Under the shadow of our steeple 
With all the lost and lonely people 
Searching for the hope that's tucked away in you and me 
Does anybody hear her? 
Can anybody see? 

He is running 
A hundred miles an hour in the wrong direction

The love of her life is drifting away 
They're losing the fight for another day 
The life that she's known is falling apart 
A fatherless home, a child's broken heart 

You're holding her hand, you're straining for words 
You're trying to make sense of it all 
She's desperate for hope, darkness clouding her view 
She's looking to you 

Just love her like Jesus, carry her to Him 
His yoke is easy, His burden is light 
You don't need the answers to all of life's questions 
Just know that He loves her and stay by her side 
And love her like Jesus 
Love her like Jesus 

The gifts lie in wait, in a room painted blue 
A little blessing from Heaven would be there soon 
Hope fades in the night, blue skies turn to gray 
As the little one slips away 

You're holding their hand, you're straining for words 
You're trying to make sense of it all 
They're desperate for hope, darkness clouding their view 
They're looking to you 

Just love them like Jesus, carry them to Him 
His yoke is easy, His burden is light 
You don't need the answers to all of life's questions 
Just know that He loves them and stay by their side 
And love them like Jesus 

The Lord of all creation holds our lives in His hands 
The God of all the nations holds our lives in His hands 
The Rock of our salvation holds our lives in His hands 
He cares for them just as He cares for you 

So love them like Jesus, love them like Jesus 
You don't need the answers to all of life's questions 
Just know that He loves them and stay by their side 
And love them like Jesus 
Love them like Jesus 
Love them like Jesus 
 
Morning breaks another day 
Finds me crying in the rain 
All alone with my demons I am 
Who is this man that comes my way? 
The dark ones shriek 
They scream His name 
Is this the One they say will set the captive free? 
Jesus, rescue me 

If you ask me to leap out of my boat on the crashing waves 
If you ask me to go preach to a lost world that Jesus saves 

I'll go but I cannot go alone 
Cause I know I'm nothing on my own 
But the power of Christ in me makes me strong 
Makes me strong 

Cause when I'm weak, You make me strong 
When I'm blind, You shine Your light on me 
Cause I'll never get by living on my own ability 
How refreshing to know You don't need me 
How amazing to find that You want me 
So I'll stand on Your truth, and I'll fight with Your strength 
Until you being the victory, by the power of Christ in me 

If you ask me to run 
And carry Your light into foreign land 
If you ask me to fight 
Deliver Your people from satan's hand 

To reach out with Your hands 
To learn through Your eyes 
To love with the love of a savior 
To feel with your Your heart 
And to think with Your mind 
I'd give my last breath for Your glory  
 
Living on my own, thinking for myself 
Castles in the sand, temporary wealth 
Walls are falling down, storms are closing in 
Tears have filled my eyes, here I am again 

And I've held out as long as I can 
Now I'm letting go and holding out my hand 

Daddy, here I am again, will You take me back tonight 
I went and made the world my friend and it left me high and dry 
I drag Your name back through the mud 
That you first found me in 
Not worthy to be called Your son 
Is this to be my end 
Daddy, here I am 
Here I am again 

Curse this morning sun, drags me into one more day 
Of reaping what I sown, of living with my shame 
Welcome to my world, and the life that I have made 
Where one day you're a prince, the next day you're a slave
 
 
The anchor holds
Though the ship is battered
The anchor holds
Though the sails are torn
I have fallen on my knees
As I faced the raging seas
The anchor holds
In spite of the storm
 
THE ANCHOR HOLDS...HE ALONE is my one true constant...and HE is all I need!!!  No Matter What May Come My Way My Life is in HIS Hands.