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| what an enormous relief and a rush to be seeing friends and the sights
and sounds of baltimore/dc. it was gloomy outside. the cold was
welcomed. the warmth of friends' voices and smiles gave me such energy.
the coming 'home' to san diego was a bit of even emotion. not bad, not
wonderful, but good. coming back to a place of familiarity and comfort.
to walk into my place - walls finally decorated - it was almost
shocking.
and to think how drained I am at this point.
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| "the atlantic was born today, and I'll tell you how" - Death Cab for Cutie
well, there was going to be a time in my life that i'd question whether
or not i'll continue not eating meat. somehow in the back of my head I
saw myself eating my first meat substance back at the Trolly Stop in
Ellicott City - wings. Thats where I ate my last hamburger and my last
meat meal. And then the other thought was that eventual pregnancy
cravings might call for meat substances and I'd just think about caving
into those cravings at that point in time. But then again if it'll be
my first meat
it might as well be premium quality meat or maybe-sort-of-organic
- like free-range-something-or-other. It was posed to me that I could
have all the work completed on my condo for free if I sat down and ATE
a steak dinner with the handyman/constructionguy whatever you want to
call him. I almost didnt hesitate to say yes. It was a yes with an
enormous amount of conditions running through my head. I feel like it
would just be this one time and I find it funny that i'm valuing
economy over what i've chosen to not take part of anymore....but then
again why am I doing it...its just a taste thing at this point.
actually i see a little novelty in the whole experiment...i guess it'd
be like going to DisneyLand. Perhaps you'll only go to Disney once or
twice in your life, it'll be significant, it'll be memorable, but its
not like it'll happen again for a very long time. That type of novelty.
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ipod
instant messenger
fall sitcoms & dramas
hbo
these are all things i havent participated in yet and I'm not sure if i'm going to.
if i start IM, will i get sucked into being on the computer all the
time?...but arent i already checking craigslist each day to see if
there is any new furniture that might work with my place...or look i'm
writing on this blog that i remember i have every once in a while
too....
ipod. well, i had my other portable music devices stolen, so now i'm
not able to use that excuse and now as much i feel like i might be
missing out on the world i'm living in if i'm constantly covered by
headphones, i also feel like i'm missing out on my right brain a little
- being away from music...that mix of 70's, 80's and 90's isnt doing it
for me at work these days.
tv. since the dish network hasnt yet come to my house like they said
they would i havent been interested in flipping through snow-static
filled screens to see what might be visible. i was sucked into House
the other day, i just love to hate that main doctor...i guess i like
him more than i hate him...he's evil & deciptive like myself.
Although, look i'm already discussing the one show i've seen this fall
& I could be letting my brain work on more serious &
interesting tasks. aaah, but its fun none the less.
hbo. i'd like to have six channels of my choosing and forget all the
stuff in between. i can be charged just for the ones i want and i'll be
happy. i'll take the food network, hbo, comedy central, and a few
others that i cant think of right now.
i tried surfing today. i need to try again
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| Its been 231 days since I joined Xanga. Its seems like a lifetime ago.
I now own my own condo, I am a busy working professional and I appear
to be in fairly good shape working toward running a half-marathon.
Seems like life is on a path.
I feel like my blog should be about the consideration of what blogs are
to be about. It seems as though I want to discuss this every time I go
to write something. Should I be complaining? Should I be analyzing
something to death? Should I be responding to others or events? I guess
I have an opinion but want others to realize that I see many sides to
things. But who is reading this anyway? Beth Howard for one, but its
more like an update to her on my whereabout and
whatsgoingoninmylifeabouts than a blog. Should my topics stay the same
with each entry? Should I be varied in my entries? Do I need to be more
diligent in writing? This kinda reminds me of sophmore year in high
school english class. Our first assignment was to write a creative
writing story. We were given so much freedom on the assignment that it
was uncomfortable. Give me direction, give me structure....yet if I
have too much - maybe that is where I'll complain. I can conform into a
box if needed, but i'm always looking to do whatever it is on the edge
of the box...maybe not always, but maybe thats why friends call for me
to play devils advocate....I think my blog is going to be about
careers. If i write about future possible careers, it does not mean i
really want to take up that career but i have pondered it. i have
explored the idea...i also want to note that i am nervous writing the
career idea down because perhaps it is new and someone else will take
my idea and steal it. maybe i wont make it my blog topic, but maybe i
will.
Currently listening to: my neighbor play scales on their musical instrument, probably some sort of wind instrument.
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| I've always thought of myself as the outdoorsy type but perhaps i'm
just wanting to be that and not really that. but what am i then. i
received a wonderful description of myself from my friend darrell, who
is secretly in love with me, so of course i'll get a wonderful
description, but what he said described my personality better than i
ever could, that would make sense because he is observing it from the
outside. I know i am often trying to fix things, maybe people as well.
i dont really see it that way. i see it more as i am trying to enhance
a person, make them the best person they can be, i try to see their
good qualities and have them actually use them to their advantage. at
what point does that become fixing a person? at what point do i give up
on a person who i've been trying to help see the best of themselves? I
know that I am seeking to see another view, another way of looking at
things, a more streamlined way of doing things with almost everything i
encounter. i talk about what can be done to make that change, but some
of it is out of my control or maybe does not need to be enhanced. i
want to have my hand in the pot and i want to think my thoughts and
creative thinking are making a contribution. this is a general thought
process on many parts of my life including friends, work and myself. an
outsider might say, well why dont you look at yourself and make
yourself better. why not make yourself the best or at least better than
you are, eat better, exercise better, think better and when i say
better i mean learn more and advance the knowledge or physically do
things to help yourself. perhaps thats what this time of my life is for
- me. if i took less time looking at other people, i could reflect more
on the advancement of self. I have no ties or responsibilites
restricting me from this. sigh.
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