In what ways are you similar to your mother?

In far too many I'm sure.  Actually, me and my mother do have lots of the same traits.  I am more or less the same shape as her (in our family you're either a waif or chubby, me and her being the latter), we're both stubborn and determined.  We are both highly irrational when it matters the most, both anxious and afraid, we both play the blame game when anything goes wrong, I don't know, these are seeiming pretty general.  I am very much like my mother, although not to look at.  I am like how my mother is now though, rather than when she was my age.  Had I met my 17 year old mother I probably wouldn't get along with her at all.

I think the difference between us though, is with how selfish or selfless we are.  And even by selfish I don't mean anything too negative, I am teenagers are always going to be mroe selfish than their parents lots of the time.  When I say I am selfish, I don't necessarily mean it in a terribly negative way, I just mean that in life I'm in things for myself, I feel it's about me and what I do and how I feel rather than those around me or how I react to them.  My mother wouldn't be as happy being as much 'of an island' as I wish to be.  But maybe these things change with age.  I will not know for a fair few years I imagine.

Me and my mother are both not openly friendly.  We don't do hugs or kisses or anything unless it's to be polite, and even then its awkward.  Between us, I think we both understand it without saying, we know we love one another and since I was about 12, we have never said we love one another, or shared a hug or similar.  Its just kind of understood.  And I much prefer that.

We're both scared of emotions, I think my mother throws herself into them more though, she feels some kind of proper 'love' for people.  Maybe I will one day.  When something bad happens she may not put her arm around me and tell me she loves me anyway, she'll just say 'okay' and sometimes that annoys me, but I'm exactly the same.  We both just don't work like that.  We don't need to have serious or meaningful chats to know that we love each other in this family.  With lots of other people they need that confirmation, I don't think we're better because we don't, I just think it suits us both more.

My mother is however, so determined and driven and I'm so hopelessly driven in circles and driven mad by her ability to settle for less than she could get.  In most things, I really hope I never develop the ability to settle for half.  I hope that the only moment in my life where I feel completely fulfilled, is the moment I die.
   

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