Last Entry (223): So Long, Friend

222: Reflection

Today I spent the first Father's Day with my dad in eleven years. We went out to eat and it was a lot of fun. He told me he finally feels he's adapted to the world after returning to ti in August, which is great. It was a great day and I'm glad I had it to bond with him. We've really gotten to know each other for the past year and it stinks I'll once again have to leave him for college. He's become like my second best friend and he reminds me so much of myself and I love him dearly. He's very important to me and thank God for blessing me with a father like him even though he took a wonderful woman who was my mother away from me.

And so I am sad to announce tomorrow will be my last entry. It is time to end before I head off to college and can't keep up. I'd continue through the summer, but I'm not sure if I will have much to say. There are no problems I have. Everything has been wrapped up and things are really ending now. And so with all the goodbyes in the air I figure it's best to say goodbye to this blog, but I will miss you guys.

But you all have witness this amazing journey I've been on. You all saw me as that shy afraid little boy back last January. But you saw me come out of my shell with Tanya and learn to trust people. But you saw me hurt when her and Chris betrayed me. You saw me deal with Chris and eventually defeat Exocron. I became courageous and full of knowledge. You saw me triumph when my dad returned, but then mourn when I lost my mother. Still, all these bad times have helped me learn and become a better person. This school year has been great fun: I ran for Homecoming, dealt with that bitch Liz, learned that working isn't that bad, found "The Dark Side", met some great people like Katie and Zack and met some horrible people like Derrick. I dealt with E2 again and finally rid them of my life. I became closer to my dad and also had my friendship with Chris seriously tested. I also lost my virginity and learned so much about relationships with Katie.

Then again I've learned so much about relationships from so many people. Tanya taught me people aren't always as great as they seem; Derrick taught me everyone has the capability to be bad; my mother taught me to enjoy the little things in life; Chin taught me anyone can overcome anything; Nikko taught me that everyone is important; Julia taught me to always be courageous; "Helper" taught me to be strong; Lt. Jack taught me not to be judgemental; all of Exocron and E2 taught me there will always be anatagonists in your life; my father taught me there will always be great people in your life and that everyone makes mistakes; Katie taught me to look at life differently; Zack taught me to appreciate what's great about your life and to think about how your words and actions affect others even if they wouldn't affect you and most importantly Chris taught me to value friendships, have faith in it and try even if things get bad. He taught me not to be so judgemental and to just "live a little". I now am excited to go to college to actually meet people an dhave them change me to. And I actually think I will party. All this time I was afraid to get to know people because I thought they'd hurt me, but now I see people aren't always there to hurt you, they're there to teach you as well and everyone in my life has taught me that.

So thank you for all these lessons.

I know I once gave you a Soundtrack to my Life and Chris helped me the other day to make a Volume Two to reflect what has been going on lately in my life:
1. "How Far We've Come"- Matchbox Twenty
2. "In the Dark"- Tiesto
3. "Sleep It Off"- Less Than Jake
4. "I Wish We Were Older"- Metro Station
5. "Can You Feel the Love Tonight?"- The Lion King
6. "The Pretender"- Foo Fighters
7. "Closing Time"- Semisonic
8. "Miss Murder"- AFI
9. "Believe Me, I'm Lying"- Forever the Sickest Kids
10. "All Over You"- The Spill Canvas
11. "The Art of Losing"- American Hi-Fi
12. "Everything's Magic"- Angels and Airwaves
13. "Tranquilize"- The Killers

After this I'm going over to Chris's for one last sleepover like old times. Next week he goes on vacation for two weeks and when he gets back I'm going to visit RISD and then when I get back I go on vacation. So we've realized this summer w emay not have all the time we want with each other. So we're just going to have one last fun time together.

Thank you for being with me on this amazing journey. Although it was tough it was also fun and I've learned so much and changed forever. I hope you enjoy one final entry.

221: Vision of the Future

Man last night I had a crazy dream. It felt almost like a vision of the future:

So I was like twenty or so years older and I was working in this big office building. I got in and there was Chris who also looked skinnier and older as well. We worked together. At first I wasn't sure what we did together. He was talking about his wife. It was a woman with the first name of "J". I forget who it was now. I don't think it was a woman I've met. I soon then got to work painting pictures for a comic book. Turns out we both had created a comic book. I do the pictures and he writes the story- that's weird. The main character was named Zack too and he had a robo-dog sidekick named Rabbid. I wasn't exactly sure what the plot was, but it was very action-packed. Chris and I had very fun working together.

I then got home and Chin came over for dinner. I don't think I had seen him for a while because we both were very happy to see one another. He was the president of some big corporation which didn't surprise me. He also looked very refined. We sat down and then my wife came in and just before I could get a glimpse at the face I woke up from my dream. But in the blur of the face I did see I knew the face was of a girl I've met before.

The dream was so vivid and hey it may actually be an accurate prediction of what's to come. And I'm happy with it. I'd love to end up working with Chris for the rest of my life. I'm sure we argue, but deep down we love each other and I hope we never completely disconnect from each other in our lives. I guess College will test that. I would love to have my own comic book and I still don't know who it was that I married, but they looked familiar. I guess I will just have to wait and see who it is.

This dream makes me slightly happier about the future now that I know things just may turn out okay.

220: Carpe Deum- Chris'z Last Entree

Yo wazup peeps! Itz Chris and I am sad 2 announce dis will be my last entree ever. So I thought maybe I should rite it all gangsta-like for old time's sake, y'no. So yeah Graduation was uber-sad. It did suddenly hit me Luke and I's time 2gether was running out and would soon be over. All thsi time I sorta felt like we'd stay 2gether 4ever but then all the sudden it hit me that that wasn't so and it all came out in my tears. I'll miss my buddy....

I've basically been going to Grad parties saying goodbye to people, but feeling really sad which I don't normally get depressed over things like this but now I really am.

So I accepted the job at my dad's work as his assistant or whatever. I figure it pays good money even if I work with a man who has neglected me a good part of my life. Sadly though I won't be able to hang with Luke and all my other friends as much. I'm going to have to quit the theater. My dad also is taking me on a vacation to the Bahamas with the rest of my family starting next week, so dats even less time I can spend 2 enjoy da summer. But I guess maybe I can bond wit my dad and find out more bout him even tho I kinda dont want 2.

So I guess maybe I should say sumtin bout the last year-and-a-half since it iz my last entree eva. Well I've read ova alot of the beginning entrees and I rly was a douche. I was all about havin fun, but I realize now u can do dat without messin up ur life. Luke definitely taught me dat. But, I think down I was into all dat drinkin and partyin to mask how I felt bout my dad. He was into leading a carefree lifestyle at the expense of my family and I dealt with that by drinkin away my sorrows. But I see now I was doin just what he was doin: livin a lifestyle dat hurt my friends and the ones I loved. I still will always be obsessively into girls and next year I will party, but I'll be much more responsible now.

So my dad and I both changed and that's great. It rly took Mary and Luke both to change me. But Mary almost changed me back, which shows how much power she held over me. I said goodbye to hur at Graduation and wished hur the best of luck. She apologized again for everythin but it didn't mean anything. I am now goin 2 be even more careful when I get involved wit gurls. Bcuz of Mary it is goin to take me a whole lot longer to earn their trust.

I think I've decided to enroll in a real college midyear. I think I've decided 2 go 4 English (ironic right). I am kinda jealous Luke gets to go 2 a real one, but its nice. I've always been betta den him at skewl and now he'll havbe a bit of a head start in college. So good for him! I'm gonna make sure I'm not a lazy couch potato next year or even dis summa. I'm following dis new saying "Carpe deum". It means "Seize the day" in Latin and you all should abide by it too.

I hope u all enjoyed readin bout my life da past year or so. I had the best year of my life dis year and I hope you all enjoyed readin about it as I did livin it: from all the fights about my drinking to stopping Exocron to dealing wth Mary it has been wild!

And even tho I changed immensely dis year, this summer I'm going to enjoy the limited time I have left wit Luke and then when I start college next year I still am goin to make sure I live it up! One thing that will never change about me is my need to have fun and party it up! Peace beotches its been fun!

219: Graduation

So today was the big day: Graduation. Chris and I hung out a little. I also called Katie to hang out but she said she was busy, which I wasn't sure if that was a lie or not.

I was dreading the moment all day, but before I knew it it was time to put on my cap and gown. I looked into the mirror and saw myself in my robes. It was scary because I suddenly realized I couldn't go back. My journey through High School was over and I couldn't ever change anything. I was done and it was a relief but it was also scary because I know what lies ahead. I looked so different and so mature in that mirror in my robes.

"Helper" and the others came over and all looked nice and dressed up. We took a ton of pictures. My dad told me he was proud of me as we snapped pictures. He then gave me my graduation present- a labptop! This is the first entry I've written on it since I'm writing on it now. My dad also framed a ton of pictures I've drawn/ painted which made me really feel appreciated.

Finally I arrived at school and our whole class was gathered inthe cafeteria. I quickly found Chris and we both said, "Well, well, well. This is it...." I just wanted the night to take forever to end and I wanted to savor every second. I talked with Chris and some of my other minor friends a little as we waited to be called out onto the football field. Finally, we were....

As I marched towards my seat with "Pomp and Circumstance" merrily playing I flashbacked to this whole year and how great (albiet a few things) it was. I also thought of the past twelve years and how much of a person I had become.

We took our seats and then the speeches all started. They all basically said the same things about change and how our high school journeys were ending, but new ones were taking shape. No matter how many sayings you make up or optimistic things you say it doesn't change that years of knowledge and fun are ending and memories and friends you've come to know and love you must say goodbye to as you take the next step into the world. Finally all the sweet and sentimental speeches ended and our names began getting called. Chris's name was called before mine and I thought There goes by best friend.... and then they called "Lucas Peter Barrel" and I walked up to the podium to get my diploma standing proud. I could hear my father and friends cheering.

After that a few more speeches were made and then we all were allowed to mvoe the tassle to the other side of our caps signifying the end of High School. We then gathered in a circle and at the count of three unleashed our caps into the air and caught them as they reached the Earth. I then began tearing up as I realized that things would never be the same, that no more could I go back to the simple days of High School. I had struggled through it so much but now none of those struggles to fit in or not be shy seemed ot not matter. All that mattered were the good times that were now gone.

Commencement ended and the families rushed onto the field. Our Graduation song began blaring. It was "How Far We've Come" by Matchbox Twenty and it definitetly described how I felt. I took more pictures with everyone and Chris even joined us. I took one individually with everyone and then one with my dad and Julia. They both seemed very happy and proud of me. I then noticed Tanya and Katie nearby and I had them both join Chris, Chin and I for a picture. All of them had greatly changed my life this past year. Chris and I took a couple pictures together and then my familg walked off to the car and I realized it was time to leave. Leave to go to a ton of grad parties and have fun but leave high school behind. I found Tanya and hugged her and told her that deep down I knew she was a great person. I then found Katie and grabbed her practically and told her how I wanted to be with so much, but she told me I really had to move on. We'd both be seperated when we went off to college anyway. I still couldn't stand her rejecting me.

People were starting to leave and I turned and saw Chris standing in front of me. There we were, under the sunlight on the football field (the same one I lost the Homecoming race on). We both smiled to each other and then I think it hit both of us at the same time that we would barely see each other next year meaning it was over. We would be torn apart next year. We only had two more months to enjoy together. he started crying and started as well. He had been there for me so much and was always there to rely on and now it was going to stop being like that. We still would stay friends, but no more calling and hanging out whenever we wanted. We both grabbed onto each other and wailed together. "I love you man!" Chris exclaimed. "You've been like a brother to me," I said. We both looked like the biggest wusses there, but I didn't care. We had only ever cared for one another and it finally hit us it was all over. My greatest fear now was that we'd leave each other for college and get in a fight or just grow apart and stop being friends. That would be the most horrible thing ever.

I had a small party back at my house and it was fun, but I couldn't stop feeling like I was stuck in quicksand, just starting to sink to the bottom. Sure, I had a few more months to enjoy, but things had already started to end and the feeling of finality was in the air.