and so i ask myself, why are we so judgemental? why are we judged by the way we presennt ourselves? why are we judged for being an individual? why are we judged by the paths we chose?

so why cant people acept the way we are? why cant we be acepted by whom we chose to be or believe in?

and once again im sorry for being blind. im sorry for being a fool.

Apology #2

And so i'm back to questioning my existence, in lonely times comes desperate thoughts. After many stress and confusement, i had visalised a ghost in my mind, while laying on my bed and falling asleep. i was suddenly brought to a realm, chained up against the wall of a darkned room, and what laid infront of me was unknown... mysterious and unexpected.

My adrenaline pumping, i found strenght to fight the unexpected but this dream was way outa my league, i couldn't control my fate, i could hear enchanting and as he enchanted, i unwillingly began to lose my breathe, feeling weak, afraid, but determined to resist, and i told myself, im afraid, i need a reason to fight. i was terrified, time passed, i became weak and fragile, did i lack faith in myself?

and in a room full of darkness, i felt loneliness and solitude, a face fadingly appears... a black, greyish camaflaged figure ennchanting. i questioned myself, who is he? whats going on? im trembling and shaking in horrification, I WANT OUT!

and in my last breathe, i am suffocatiing and seeking help from someone, anyone, and suddenly i called for my so called angel, in which helped me in other desperate times of crisis, but something was wrong, i lacked faith, i didnt believe in my angel, and so....

i gave a simple preyer to someone whom i have never met, or seen, but only heard of in books and through people. and so i preached "Jesus, are you there? can you help me? im scared, can you guide me, protect me and save me? im sorry. Amen" and as my faith came back strong and whole, the current realm began to change, and i could hear something, 

"Hosanna, Hosanna, Hosanna in the highest" im back to reality, and as usual i sleep with my phone playing music, but what are the odds of my phone playing the "Hosanna song" in which i woked up from a nightmare in which i nearly failed to escape.  

and you know what? im not afraid anymore, i lacked reason and faith due to fear, but im not afraid anymore, if anything try do it again, i'l take you on with no hesitation and fear, i am determined to uncover why i was targeted. and yeh! bring it on! i'l invite you to challenge my existence.

and so we keep telling ourselves we're stronger... so why do we feel weak at times of chrisis? how do we pick ourselves up and relinquish our desires? why are there so many possibilities in opportunities? and so how do we determine whom we become? can we chose?

somethings ar better left alone, somethings ar beter kept then left behind, so why do we merely realise the things we have, when they're gone?

why are we such a selfish and emotional species? what drives us to not recongnise our shame and humiliation? we've all sinned and blasphemousd, so why arnt we stopping? or why cant we stop?

chosing a path whether it is right or wrong, is there a path that does not meet in the end? so why do we hesitate to chose? we're only participating in an event that is held once in a life time, whether it is right or wrong, wouldnt our paths connect in the end? do we lack faith in whom will guide and protect us?

and so things change, and we cant cope with it, but eventualy we'l change with it, so why do i feel afraid when im safe and loved? why do i carry this fear? can i control it? is there a cure for this lonliness feeling? can someone else feel my fear? why am i scared?