Pet Peeve

i just realize i have another pet peeve. i always thought my biggest pet peeve was two-faced people, and don't get me wrong that is still my biggest pet peeve, but i think i found another pet peeve that is equal to that.

new pet peeve: being stood up. or cancelling last minute. i mean i dont mind the real emergencies, but when the reason is BS or seems shady, it makes you think no? or you just keep hearing excuses after excuses. i hate that shit. it really really really IRKS the F outta me. it's to a point i ask myself why do i keep re-arranging my plans to fit the particular person's needs knowing that i'll be stood up. maybe i just deserve it since i put myself in that situation.

on another note:

i'm done confronting. it has lost its purpose. i'm done questioning my sincerity/care because like a friend of mine says... "如果痛苦大於快樂就失去它原本的意義" which translates to when the pain is more than the happiness, then it loses its original meaning. maybe sometimes i just care too much, too much to a degree that i start to doubt myself, and like jo says, why should i doubt who i am, when i can spend my energy else where or on someone that will actually appreciate it and deserves it. im a sucker at friendship huh. had to clarify in case people thinks im writing about a boy, coz it has nothing to do with a boy. it's just friendship in general. i think it just hit me why i put so much energy on my friendship. it's b/c in the past 10plus years of my life, i was away from my family and i have to depend on the friends around me to be my family, but its true, i actually have REAL FAMILY around me right now, and that they won't hurt me in this sense. and i have to start taking the advice from friends that really are my family. time to move on... but the only way i know how to stop what i do is end up hurting that person... does that make me a bad person???

:update:

reading this past entry makes me feel like i have so much anger? i dont.. its just a general thought.