Currently Reading Jesus I Never Knew, The By Philip Yancey see related

fist full of lillies

do you ever feel like you should be thankful you're even living at this moment? like you really shouldn't even be here anymore? i am blessed beyond belief. if you know me well enough to know what i spent my childhood dreaming about then you understand.  i know now. sometimes you want something so bad that you don't realize what will happen if you ever actually get it. anyway. i still dream of this perfection. this fairytale isn't ever going to leave me. i was built for such a desire. dreams just come easier in the rain. and when there's thirst, and no water, i begin to doubt my promises. i think i'm supposed to be a nomad or something. at least that's what you're acting like  i am. alone.
last post of 2006.
vague as ever.

people don't belong to people

i'm trying with everything i got to put off this paper a little longer. hey i think something good could be on tv in 20 minutes! yes! i LOVE writing. i really do. but this paper is so.....b o rrrrr i n g. and i don't like to update anymore. because being on the internet just reminds me of another ex. ex something or other. i'm not really in a good spot to be reminded of those slovenly beasts. i tried on some wedding or weeding dresses today. not that i'm getting married anytime soon. i think something is seriously wrong with one of my cats. he should of stopped *ahem* sucking *cough* on his mother...a LONG time ago. like two months, really. and now he's mistaking his dad for his mom. i dunno. i heard dad say he might just shoot him. ah the effects of genetic disbreeding. i'm trying to balance a lot of things right now. including my sanity. it's really best for me not to consider my own feelings 90% of the time. it's what gets me through the day. at least, without being arrested. i'm sick of hearing the same songs on the radio, reminding me of the other 10% yet at the same time i can't get enough of it. i drive to school with my radio on, and home with it off, trying not to think in between. the days are too long except for today, my paper due tomorrow, too short. i guess that's the way things play.

by the way, i update myspace a little more often.

maybe i'll update tomorrow. nobody reads this anyway!

alan!

Like blue in the sky
The gaze of your willing eyes
Touched something deep inside
The truth be known

That I love you like all little children love pennies
And I love you ‘cause I know that I can’t do anything wrong
You’re where I belong
Like red on a rose

And I love you like all little children love pennies
And I love you like good times of which I’ve known many
And I love you ‘cause I know you give me a heart of my own
You make my blood flow
Like red on a rose

love is kind. it                                does not envy,          it does not boast, it                     is not proud. it is not        rude, it is not self-seekinq,       it is not easily angered, it      keeps  no records of wrong.   love does not deliqht  in evil      but rejoices with the truth. it always protects  and   trusts,      always hopes, always perseveres. love never fails. when i        was a child , i talked like a child, i thought like a child, i          reasoned like a child. when i became a woman, i put               childish  ways behind  me . now we see but  a                 poor reflection, as in a mirror; then we shall                   see face to face.  now i  know in  part;                     then i shall know fully, even as i am                        fully known . and now  these                            three remain; faith, hope                                and love . but  the                                     greatest   of                                         these  is                                           love.

Currently Listening Goodbye My Lover, Pt. 1 see related

i needed you

::edit::

 i just dont really want to grow up. i don't want summer to end. i'm finally in a relationship i don't want to end. (that's a first). i don't want this ball to keep rolling, i want to have this feeling forever. it's like when you're swinging, and you reach that highest point right before you come back down. that weightless, exhilarating feeling. i know wishing like this is stupid. if i stayed here forever i'd never experience anything better. it's just hard to believe there is something better. at least, in this world.

i decided i was going to read this book by sunday. problem is there's 343 pages and i'm on 53. ambicious likes to pass.