i cried almost all day yesterday
my dog sugar died yesterday ='[ -- i know to some people a dog might be just an animal .. but that dog was parta my family. had her since i was like .. 4. that's a long ass time. &we knew she was sick. but the doctors said she had at least a few months. it was hella sudden too. she had a heart attack when no one was home .. so sad that she hadda die all by herself. &i feel bad cuz i went downstairs to go see my sister &sugar didn't come to the door like she usually does .. but i didn't really think anything of it; i just let it go. if i had even stopped to think about her .. maybe i coulda seen her one last time before she went. &i hadn't seen her since wednesday cuz i came home late on thursday &i spent the night at tracy's on friday ..
that dog meant a lot to me. she was like my furry brown daughter on 4 legs. the whole family cried on this one. every single person in my household was depressed as hell yesterday. lots of tears ... i miss her already. gosh, it feels so lonely without her now. when i used to be home by myself i'd always bring sugar upstairs to keep me company &she'd sit with me &follow me around. &i'd look for something to feed her. but now... i'm all by myself .. no doggy to pet. no dog to lick my hands. no furry little fat thing to hold &cry on when i'm feeling sad. it just sucks knowing that she's gone &she's never coming back.
earlier .. after i ate some chicken i had the bones &i walked over to my sink &was abouta put it in sugar's little plate .. &then i realized that no one's gonna be eating off that plate anymore ... &it just got me sooo sad. i cried like a fucking baby. it's pathetic though, to cry over something that's not gonna change. but hey, i'm sad wtf can i do?
yes .. this blog has been all about my dog. but i loved that dog with all my heart. she was the sweetest dog you could ever meet. she loved everybody. &she never bit anybody or growled at anyone. the only thing she ever wanted was love. &she got it. she'd run down to the door whenever she heard me coming home .. she'd scratch at my door &drop her ball in front of it when she wanted me to play with her .. &so much more. &that dog was SMART AS HELL too. her little plate used to be below my sink .. that dog could actually open the cabinet. &she knew how to use her little paws to open doors when they weren't closed all the way. &she could tell when i needed company. &she was there for me. &i could tell her stuff that i wouldn't be able to say to a person. &i can't say if she understood anything i said to her .. but at least she was there &she was listening. &she'd put her front paws on my knees so she could lick my hands ... &i sometimes it bothered a little .. but what i would give to have sugar lick my hands one last time. what i would give to hold her in my lap .. what i would give to be able to come home at night &hear her running down the stairs to me again.
RIP -- sugar maribel villatoro -- [yeah; we gave her a middle name; &she had the same initials as me] | 
