NOTHING.  thank god for fucking up again right?  wow..

two new things: graduated, going to CWU in the fall, moving out of bremerton in sept.


i still am single.  seems like everyone around me has been finding someone.  the people i used to be sad around with has found the person they were looking for.  and when i thought i found someone..what happened.  he did something that caused me to believe i can't trust him.  it wasn't even that big but damn.  then i started to get close again with a different old friend which i wasn't expecting to happen and then i got so vulnerable i think i pushed him away by getting too attached.  ugh just having the worst luck.  i told myself that nawww im not trying to get with anyone.  im transitioning into a new chapter in my life.  everyone around me is either getting married or going to or already had a child.  myself im just trying to get through college.  i just want someone.  i wish i had his number to tell him HEY! i know you fucked up just a lil bit and you already said im sorry and you feel bad about it.  but im ready to be like hey you know what i've forgiven you and no more talking i just want to make what there is between you and i real now.  he's an awesome guy i can't deny that.  he gets my weirdness unlike others and doesn't push me to be someone im not.  UGH! i just want someone to like again and know that it just might work for awhile.  im not looking for love because i know it'll just come if the time is right.  what's wrong with me...i seem to be always lonely.  in need of company.  the right company.  i have friends yea but most of them are taken.  and the ones that aren't are ones that don't really understand me like the ones that are taken.  im just tired of getting pity from others.  i want you.  i want jayson.  hopefully what he's after is the same thing that i am after.  i really dont want to be used again or toyed with.  =( want him to see me as somewhat of a priority.  not the first but im still looked highly upon.  am i done with my vent you ask?  cause im sure you're pretty far deep into the blog to be thinking damn she's goes on real long.  i think im done for now...but i shall add on.  lots of things on my mind and i just wanna talk to someone right now.  wish it was jayson but it's not so oh well.  he has his life. =/  i suppose i got mine.  I WANT YOU! t/c bye.