For me...it's all about getting YOU to get ME.
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I'm just a bit arrogant.
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Monday, July 07, 2008
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Insomnia makes me feel like like Gary Coleman...nothing short of shitty (pun intended).
Sometimes I try to psyche myself out and so I act like I'm going to be able to sleep at a normal time (around 11pm or so). I start faking yawns and saying shit like "Oh man...yea...Imma sleep like a baby tonight. Yeay boyyyy!" Then after tossing and turning for hours, I finally drag myself out and either study or look over the financial files I always bring home. I've tried a lot of things...working out, wine...even taking long drives at night...
Nothing works.
I think it has to do with my mind always being on overload and the fact that I never feel like I'm doing enough with my life. My sleeping pattern has been on the fritz for almost two years now...and after successfully weaning myself off of Ambien, I really see no choice but to continue trying to tire myself out...while working on trying not to be such an overthinker.
I really should hit my Appa up for some of his sticky icky. I bet a widdle kush would do M some good.
"I fly high...no lie...you know this."
Saturday, July 05, 2008
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I had a pretty big screaming match on the phone last night with someone who tried to pass himself off as my "big bro" but later, muuuuuuch later, decided to confess to me that he had really strong feelings for me and actually....
Loved me.
I seriously fucking hate that shit. It makes me feel as if you had ulterior plans all along. When we used to hang out and do stuff that "big bros/lil sisters" do, were you always thinking in the back of your mind how to get into my ajummah (don't judge me, you mean readers, you) panties?
For all the guys out there, I really suggest you man up and realize that if you try to pass yourself off as something you're really not.....
You seriously end up looking like a sleazeball.
Fuck the oppa/big bro shit. If you like a girl just say you like the girl. And be able to deal with it like a man instead of labeling yourself as something you're not, just to find a way to stay in her life and make plans to "creep" on her later.
Bitch.
Thursday, July 03, 2008
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You're Deep....I'm Shallow....
Say it with me, children....."There's nothing wrong with being shallow as long as you're insightful about it."
-- Dennis MillerIt annoys me when physically unattractive people whine and moan about people not seeing past their physical appearance and realizing that they have a great personality. Whenever I hear such things, I am always a bit taken aback by their naivete. I mean come on.....are you seriously confused about this issue?!
It's actually pretty damn simple when you sit down and face the facts. Our world is pretty much aesthetically driven. Wherever you go in the world, you'll find that although there are varying and different standards of beauty, there ARE always SOME sort of standard for beauty that exists. And yes, physically attractive people do get more benefits and get away with a lot more than physically unattractive people. Is it fair? No. But hey....
DEAL WITH IT.
Everyone wants to be with someone that they think is physically attractive. Everyone tries to get the best that they can get....and they definitely want to be with someone who they are sexually attracted to (duh and I guess mentally as well *sarcasm*). No one goes looking for someone who they think is physically unattractive unless they have a fetish for paperbagging it. I mean can you even imagine the conversation?
Guy: "I think you're hot."
Girl: "Thanks, you're hot too!"
Guy: "Yea but like I go for ugly chicks. Peace."
Girl:
It is important to realize that yes....there are varying standards as to what each of us fnd attractive. However, it's pretty streamlined for a lot of people (ie. Time Magazine's exploration of beauty edition/symetrical features). It still boggles my mind what some people find attractive at times. Like when did guys with greasy hair and tight ass jeans become sexy? And when did women who wear clown makeup become beautiful?
To each his/her [ugly] own, I suppose.....
Everyone has their own idea of what they find attractive, however I'm going to state for the record that I do think that the basest level of physical attractiveness is pretty widely accepted in the Xanga world.....meaning we all know who are the attractive Xangans and who are the ones who probably have really really REALLY good personalities....(and can write the shit out of any topic)
Because shit....if you're ugly and bitter......you're just a lost cause.....
Wednesday, July 02, 2008
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Marriage. I Used to Never Want to Say "I Do."
I remember growing up always hearing my parents argue. I don't think there was ever a time that I felt that my parents truly loved each other. Love seemed like a burden rather than something that was to be enjoyed. For the longest time I felt like it was my fault that my parents never seemed to enjoy love for love. Maybe if they hadn't had kids, maybe they could have separated and found someone who actually made them happy. Maybe they wouldn't always fight with one another in the dead of night while their children pretended not to hear. Maybe they would be able to show affection to one another in the presence of their impressionable kids. Maybe they would be able to make their children feel as if they were actually wanted and not just a burden....
Maybe.....
After being privy to the pathetic "thing" my parents called a marriage and witnessing several separations and near divorces, I began to see marriage as something that was to be avoided at all costs. I couldn't understand how anyone would want to put themself or another person through such a messed up situation.
Marriage, to me, was seemingly identical to a highly unprofitable business venture that was fraught with negatiivity and a high risk for loss. With specs like that, who in their right mind really wanted to invest?
I remember thinking all these things to myself as I watched my mother time and time again cry over my father's infidelity and various transgressions. Each time I tried to offer condolences....but as it began happening repeatedly and without fail, I would find myself just staring at my mother in mute silence....unable to offer anything but the comfort of my presence.....
Both of my parents came from families that suffered from the same problems that their own marriage was fraught with. It was like some kind of twisted cycle that they unconsciously chose to continue. They never thought to end the cycle because maybe they just didn't see themselves becoming their parents....
I grew up with the idea of marriage leaving a bad taste in my mouth. Marriage wasn't for me, I decided. Marriage was for idealistic yuppies who needed someone to depend on for their livelihood. Surely I could pave my own way through life....I didn't need some guy to do it for me. I could survive using my own two hands and my own two feet.
I didn't need anyone.
And so I struggled and paved my own path. I worked long hours and did what I had to do to build my life from the bottom up. I would spend long nights planning what I wanted to do and I would spend early mornings preparing for what laid ahead. I thought I could be perfectly happy on my own....subsist on my own.....I could be everything.....
It's only just now at the age of 25 that I have realized that I do want a marriage someday. That I can and will have a marriage that will not mirror my parents' marriage. I do have the ability to trust someone....the ability to lean on someone for support....I have the ability to realize that all these things won't make me a weaker person....In fact, it might make me a stronger and more understanding individual......
Perhaps it's just the natural growing up phase that made me come to this epiphany....or maybe it's the fact that I have been able to witness a few relationships/marriages in the past few years that were genuinely happy and full of love....I guess I just saw that it was possible....and not just some kind of mirage....
I just realized that I didn't have to become what I came from.....
And that I was going to make sure the cycle ended here....with me.
Tuesday, July 01, 2008
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What Would Happen If I Ever Planned A Xanga Baseball Game
One sunny happy Sunday, m_tastic decided she wanted to start up a baseball team. She called up all the homies and this is what happened.....
m_tastic: "So guys, I made this chart and I think this the best way to coordinate the game is to........"
chinkzilla: "Too many charts! All day, it's charts, charts, CHARTS! Why don't you do something better? Like DANCE?! Dancing is LIFE!" *crip walks off*
MaximMan: "I thought you guys said we were going to drink at the noraebang? This ain't no damn noraebang!! MaximMan don't party in no baseball field, son!"
Meunonomo: *hands MaximMan a shot of soju* "Here...quiet down, sweetie. It's ok...we'll sing 'Unchained Melody' later, I promise."
Yosho: "Don't be nice to MaximMan. That fool should have just stayed in retirement. Now since he came back, I'm losing my female subscribers and THAT CANNOT HAPPEN! The world needs to see Yosho!!" *looks at penis lovingly*
Chinkzilla: *crip walks back* "I want to make a movie out of this."
NDM: "Does anyone have Chapstick? My [ginormous fucking] lips are chapped."
PetiteTokyo: "You're going to need the Jumbo-Sized Chapstick, jagiyah. I told you....I'll get it for you the next time I go to Costco. Now go and flex your muscles in your quiet corner like a good boy."
*NDM trots off*
Reality_vs_Ideality: "Let's go drink and make some gif drawings!!!"
m_tastic: "So guys, like I was saying....this chart really clearly shows.....
myawkwardlife: "Where's my gun? I want to shoot some beetches." *makes shooting sounds* "Pow Pow!"
Meunonomo: M, this fucking sucks. I just got my red stilettos dirty. What kind of game are you making us play?!
sungball: "This is the most inefficient baseball game that I have ever encountered in my entire existence. Now to rectify this disaster of a baseball game, we must first figure out the circumference of the earth because with that I will be able to surmise......
slutburger_with_cheese: "I want to have sex. I fucking hate all of you nerds. Go CANADA!"
NDM: *trots back* "Let's go to happy hour and get fuuuuucked up! And then we can hit the gym!" *kisses bicep lovingly*
PetiteTokyo: "Honey....what did I say about talking? Just sit there and look pretty, k?"
NDM: "I'm not pretty. I'm manly! Why you trying to fuck up my game, woman?!"
Reality_vs_Ideality: "Are there any white males suffering from Yellow Fever around here? Because if there are, I ain't playing shiet."
MaximMan: "Fuck this....let's go back to my place and keg it."
*Everyone follows MaximMan off the field leaving m_tastic still holding her chart*
m_tastic: "But the chart....the chart.....
"Needless to say the game never got off the ground.
m_tastic
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- Name: m deezy fo sheezy
- Country: United States
- State: California
- Metro: Orange County
- Gender: Female
- Member Since: 12/30/2005
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Pulse
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This insomnia thing is getting ridiculous. Add a phone screaming match into the mix and this makes for a very grumpy M.
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Brilliant-->"I also find it crazy how someone who's a complete stranger to you...could very well be your future everything." -Meunonomo
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I have a problem w/ subbing to unattractive people. Something stops me. Perhaps it's my shallow mind. *books first class ticket to hell*
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Damn you Sungball. U lied to me. I thought u were a V and that u were saving ur bubblelicious ass 4 me. I feel so deceived. U ASS! :'(
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I hate those damn Truth featured questions. Yes, I fucking am aware that smoking is bad for me.
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If anyone wants me to write their description for yosho's page, lemme know. Maybe it'll help you to not get 4 whore stars like me -_-
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It would be so cute to look at the person you like in the face while Ingrid Michaelson's "The Way I Am" is playing....
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Are there ANY attractive Asian women reppin' for us on that Miss XangaAmerican pageant?! Then again....it is a fake pageant....nevas minds
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If you had to marry one person on Xanga, who would it be?
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I wonder if we are all actually the way we portray ourselves on Xanga. I know I am bc I really am this boring and nerdy in real life. :)
Memories
Even in moments of turmoil, you still manage to find a moment of surreal serenity.
