God must have put inside of us this need to participate in worship corporately.  Whenever i'm listening to my ipod and a David Crowder song comes on, i'm reminded of worship.  i'm immediately taken back to a place where i was singing that song worshipfully with my brothers and sisters in Christ.  i'm suddenly transported to worshipping @ Refuge at the Texas State BSM.  Or i'm standing between Sara and Mike at the YS Conference, singing along with David Crowder live, worshipping with hundreds of youth/college workers. 

i miss worship.  i hate to admit, but true worship with music is something that i rarely come across.  i honestly don't understand how singing the hymns that we sing in church, the way we sing them, is worship.  And i'm not trying to start up the argument "Praise Songs over Hymns!" and jumping on that band wagon.  i've seen many hymns taken by worship artists and turned into real worshipful songs.  So that can't be the issue.

But what is the issue?  Is it the way we sing hymns?  At church, most people seem to stand and sing b/c it's the place in the service where that happens.  i wonder how many are actually thinking about God, let alone worshipping Him.  i know that i'm guilty of thinking about what i'm going to do after church, or what some lady is wearing. 

Why is it so hard for me to worship truly when i'm in a regular church service, but i can worship with complete abandon at other worship services?

Is it my place here at Covenant?  It seems too easy to blame my lack of worshipful attitude on the church itself.  And i've kind of felt that i couldn't truly worship at the majority of churches that i've attended.  Is it the ritual, the common habit of going to the same service every week, seeing the same people, singing the same songs?  But that argument doesn't seem to make sense b/c i went to Refuge every week (for the most part), saw the same people, definitely sang the same songs, and yet still felt i had worshipped.  And i don't feel like it's the fact that i work at the church that i attend, either, b/c i worked at the BSM but still felt that i could stand in the back of the big room and worship (as long as i wasn't trying to get stuff ready for something that was going on).

Maybe it's based on what we expect, what i expect out of worship services.  Do i walk into a church service, where there are people of different generations and definite different worshipping styles, and a worship leader who has a different musical style than i would prefer, and then expect to come before the throne of God to worship?  Have i already judged that i won't truly worship here, so i don't even try?  Do i need to be with people my age, who worship like i like to, and have music that i consider best in order to worship? 

What does it mean to worship in spirit and in truth?

i wish i had the answers.  But part of me is kind of glad i don't, for i fear that it will only serve to prove my youthful arrogance and pride, and point out yet more flaws for me and God to deal with.  All i know is that i love true worship experiences, whether in a service or by myself in the middle of a coffee shop.  And i want to get to a place where i can worship God regardless of the music or what others around me are thinking or feeling.  B/c how sad would it be to finally reach heaven and have the privilege of worshipping God forever, and not really know how to do that?

Take my life and let it be
consecrated, Lord, to Thee.
Take my moments and my days,
let them flow in ceaseless praise.
Take my hands and let them move
at the impulse of Thy love.
Take my feet and let them be
swift and beautiful for Thee.

Take my voice and let me sing
always, only for my King.
Take my lips and let them be
filled with messages from Thee.
Take my silver and my gold
not a mite would I withhold.
Take my intellect and use
every power as You choose.

Here am I, all of me.
Take my life, it's all for Thee.

Take my will and make it Thine
it shall be no longer mine.
Take my heart it is Thine own
it shall be Thy royal throne.
Take my love, my Lord I pour
at Your feet its treasure store
Take myself and I will be
ever, only, all for Thee.
Take myself and I will be
ever, only, all for Thee.

Here am I, all of me.
Take my life, it's all for Thee.