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| Life... I wish I had something profound to say about it but I don't. It was Brad's birthday on the 30th of January. Who would of thought it would be so hard? I was in some sort of funk (is that an old person word? ) all day, never felt quite right and found myself in tears on and off most of the day. There are so many times I wish I had a best friend to go to, to talk with when I am feeling that way or just to give me a hug but... my best friend is in Heaven. If God so chooses I will have another best friend here, in this place, at a different time, but if not, I will get to hug my best friend again one day and at that point life will be complete. There are times now when life just isn't complete, when it just doesn't seem quite right... and it isn't.
Happy Birthday Bear Bradley!!!
Everyday, in everyway, I love you more and more.... | | |
| So...I just read my beautiful daughters xanga entry for January19th and I am as always amazed, amazed at her words, her gift, her wisdom and how it so reminds me of her daddys gifts for he too had the gift of words, of putting his heart out there in a way that made it possible for others to understand his heart. I am so glad that she was blessed with his gift. I on the other hand do not have that gift, that is why I know it came from her father. I have a tendency to hold things in, to be "strong" to not allow my heart to be exposed, only those that love me most have truly seen my heart, I do know however that kelsey knows my heart because she speaks my feelings so often in her words. I am so guilty of letting myself get caught up in the busyness of life, to protect myself, so that my tears do not fall,for once they start I am not always able to control them. Nathan James, thank you for letting my tears fall the other night, I love you for letting them and listening to my sadness like you have so many times in the past year. Life does go on, it is definatly not easy at times, then there are times when you think just maybe you will experience joy again, love again,because yu have had moments .....then somehow they slip away and no matter what you do, because of the circumstances,you can't quite get them back and they seem to slip further away. I have to believe though that those moments will come again because that is what keeps me going, that is how I get through.
Kelsey, Bam and Stuart, thanks for the last year, your daddy would of been so proud of all of you, I know I am. Love you Forever.... Mom xoxo | | |
| Well where to begin.... I am still alive for those of you who once in awhile check my site and were wondering. I have had some pretty major changes in my life and you would of thought that I might of written about them but, I also have not had a computer for about 5 months so hopfully I will have better luck with this computer and just maybe I will update a little more often, no promises. I have been living just outside of Nashville Indiana since the end of July, Kelsey, Amber, Stuart and I packed up the house with alot of much appreciated help from our dearest friends in Madison, packed ourselves into the cars after each of us said our goodbyes in our own private ways to a home we have shared so many wonderful years together in and headed down to our new home leaving pieces, no, chunks of our hearts behind. I know it was the right thing to do but it was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do in my life, I will never forget the tears slipping down Stuarts cheek as he watched his best friend Danny who he had been friends with since he was three walk away from our house for the very last time as we drove away, it is moments like that, when it is so easy to question if I am doing the right thing or even on a bigger scale question why Brad had to be taken Home so early so that I even have to be in a position where I have to make some of the decisoins I am having to make.
Well, life in Fruitdale Indiana goes on, some days are better then others and I have friends who often ask me "are you Happy" hmm... well I am not sure happy is the best word but I usually tell them that I can live anywhere and be content as long as my kids are doing ok and if not happy (I think Happy might be too much to ask for just yet in our lives) at least content. I think the girls are getting closer, Stu I am not so sure about yet... he has a tendancy to still tell me he wants to go home and he doesn't mean here and it still makes my heart sad but overall and all things considered he is doing ok.
The girls will both be home in a couple of weeks and actually get to stay for a couple of weeks before they both head off to New York I am excited for them and I love that they love ministry so much, their Dad would of been so pleased and so proud infact he would be so proud of all 3 kids as they have gone through the last year it has been tough but they have all become stronger and I know the Lord will bless them.
Please Pray as we head into this wonderfully joyus season celebrating Christ birth, as much as I want to celebrate my heart is having a hard time. I love you all and I miss you.
Brad I miss you most.
Spring xoxo | | |
| Hi everyone, so sorry I haven't updated since forever I guess it is about time I tell everyone what has been happening in my life. Well lets see, the most exciting and wonderful thing that has happened lately is that I was blessed to have Kelsey and Amber home with all their wonderful friends from the All Access tour for a whole week!! I always love getting to see my girls but also getting to know who they have been spending the last 5 months with, and seeing the show which was awesome by the way!! Stu and I will be heading for New York in a little over a week to see Bam graduate from the DTS she has been in since January and to see where Kelsey calls home at this point in her life. I have never been to New York so I am excited and a little scared, I really don't consider myself much of a big city person. Stu and I went to Indy last weekend to spend time with my family and also to do a little looking at houses as we are trying to decide if we should stay here or go to Indy and be closer to family. We did find a cute little log cabin that I keep getting more and more excited about but if we are to move into that cabin God would really have to do some taking charge because there is already a offer on it with a contingency to sell their home so if I put a offer on it I would have to do it without one and hope to sell my house really quickly. Well it is in Gods hands so please be praying for us for wisdom and that our home would sell quickly if we decide to put it on the market. Stu says he is ready to move and he loves the cabin and Stu being so ready makes me wonder if going truly is Gods direction for us at this time. I just seem to not be quite as ready as Stu, everytime I talk about it or actually even think about it I find myself having to fight back tears and they often win. I think it is mainly because of the fear of change but it is also really hard to think about saying good-bye to good friends and leaving alot of memories behind well , I know that you don't really leave memories behind you take them with you but you know what I mean. It is also hard to be the one that has to make all the decisions and think about everything that I would need to do to make all this happen. It is much nicer to have someone there helping you through it all . Well it will all work out, Thanks for praying I'm not very good at this being single thing especially when it comes to making tough decisions so it helps to know that people that care about our family are holding us up in prayer. Overall things are going pretty well, I must say I had the best massage I have ever had today so for now things are looking up. Well goodnight for now, I love you all xoxo | | |
| Hey Everyone!
I have thought many times about updating but never seem to know how
exactly to put into words what is going on in life without sounding
negative. Yes I will admit that there is alot of stuff (censored
as to not offend anyone) going on that I would love not to be having
going on and at times it is all I can do to even make myself get out of
bed but I think about all that is going on and I still have to praise
the Lord for He continues to be faithful even on the days that I can't
seem to get out of bed. Sometime it is a random phone call from
someone I do not even know or a plate of cookies dropped off by two
adorable little girls again, that I do not even know but their families
who have been praying for us. Sometimes it is when I am out
running and I hear Gods voice in my head say TRUST ME TRUST
ME over and over again or today as I was out running it was read
Job I thought read Job? Well I came home and finally read Job and
two things that really stood out to me are Chap 1: 20-22 Where it tells
of Jobs reaction to all that had happened to him and his ability
to still give praise to the Lord. Also in chapter 5: 11 where it says
that those who mourn are lifted to safety. So I guess
all that I am trying to say and probably not doing such a great job of
is no matter what I will confront in the coming days I know with
certainy that God is faithful and will continue to strengthen me and
grow me through whatever it is and I will continue to Praise Him.
Well I had better go for now. I love you all and Kels and Am and
a few other people ( you know who I am talking about) I love you
to DEATH and I miss you.
Love, Mamaspringtime xoxo
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