mamoyo's Xanga

Saturday, October 28, 2006

Sat, 28 Oct 2006 08:06:18 GMT

Quote of the Day - "If trust is what you fought about again and again, why is there a relationship?" (Mamoyo, 2006)

This was my very first post on this xanga space of mine, minus the capital letters, the paragraphing and proper structuring of sentences.
I was excited at the prospect of writing on cyberspace, amused that strangers would be reading my thoughts and encouraged by the idea of critique - a space for me to learn.
Then I was slightly chirpy, my tone a lil' English and my writing incoherently whiny.
I realised I was already loud-minded here when I wrote that abstinence before marriage is weird for me.

June 29, 2004

"hello people. what they say about first impression is so right. which explains why i took a bloody 10 minutes thinking of what to write in my first post in my first blog. i am thinking that i am becoming much of an attention seeker. now, that's quite a morbid thought, isn't it? why on earth will a person with too much loving friends and so little time on her hands still sign up to write in a blog? enlighten please on my own dilemma. =D. can i stop writing now? i feel like i'm forced to do a presentation where i am required to talk and talk and talk. however, since i'll be talking about my favourite subject - ME, i'm beginning to have an alright feeling about this whole revealing my inner feelings to the world who probably doesn't even care if i fail a test or break a nail - not that i have a nail to break since i have the world's most annoying habit which is to bite my nails. i have all sorts of beliefs. i believe that God must be a man because some women have tits for brains and men are such natural dickweeds. i think believing that God doesn't want us to have sex before marriage is just too plain weird. what confuses me even more is that people who claim they are in a religion and yet commits 'sins' against the teachings of their religions. care to explain why bother? i'm missing tequila, calvin and dian right now. mmm muahs"

I started becoming more playful and more provocative in my writings.
Quite understandable as I am so in real life. Quite often when you're cynical, you're likely to be sarcastic as well. And my penchant for sarcasm is incorporated in most of my writings.
If you miss it, you need to get a sense of humour.
If you spot it and find it offensive, I suggest you loosen up a little.
You know what they say?

Make fun of the taboo
and you're less likely to have a small penis!

October 7, 2004

Me but minus the popularity

I browsed through several blogrings today. I discovered to my delight that there are actually quite a number of sex xangas. They write about their sexual experiences and make up elaborate stories about rush hour sex in the elevator and a quickie between bookshelves in the library.

I am impressed by their boldness. I am even more so impressed when I see the hits they are getting everyday.

Therefore I have concluded that my xanga is a sex xanga from now on. I'll start with today's entry.

I discovered I have a vagina today. It is pink colour. It is down there along with my legs. I think it looks like any other vagina.

?

I give up. I'm so not in the sex xanga scene. I think I will stick to being a very interesting xangarian who talks about nothing but herself.

Here, my frankness about my sexual life came out in the open.
I saw no harm, only honesty.
So I brought my sex life out of the bedroom and onto xanga, believing no shame in writing what you all may or may not have experienced.
I saw only being myself on this web journal.

February 1, 2005

Phone Sex

Distance makes the heart fonder. In my case, it made both me and Eric terribly horny.

So we tried phone sex.

We were warming to the idea that he's gonna go down on me.

Mamoyo: Mmm... how about you reach up with both your hands to hold my breasts while licking me?
Eric: Huh. I'm gonna look like superman doing that!
M: Oh.
E: How about I hold your breast with just one hand, honey?
M: You're gonna look like Ultraman!!!

...

And who can forget the fake orgasm video that propelled me to celebrity blogger status?
Literacy in sarcasm is a must before watching the video.
Simply put, it is a parody of When Harry Met Sally... you know, when Sally faked an orgasm in the restaurant.
I am not moaning for you, I am showing you how easy it is to fake an orgasm.
Your girlfriend can be faking it right this moment because you were too stupid to spot the off pitched groans in my video.

Here's a tip - her clit is most likely to be very swollen when she's nearing orgasm and after the orgasm, the clit should be as flat as a roti canai.
This can be true or not true, depending on individual.
I know, I might have as well said nothing.

In this blog alone, I've cried foul at cheating partners and survived physical abuse.
I've found my dad after six years of separation.
Few months later, I wrote that I moved out from an ex's house after nearly two years of reliance, of whom his parents I have grown very fond of.
I've complained incessantly about Curtin, the university in which I am still schooled at.
I've rhapsodized superficially about my body insecurities albeit very real and very scary.

Many personal insights about relationships followed post after post.
I counted a few relationships and breakups in this blog alone.
As I read back, I sounded almost pathetically heartbroken but even if given the opportunity to turn back time, I wouldn't phrase my emotions any differently.
As cynical as I may be, when heartbroken, I hurt just as much as the next girl.
Somehow quite reassuringly it now is to me, for the moments that I was pathetic, I know now that I did treasure my relationships, despite the ways they were broken and the resentment that came afterwards.

I posted pictures of my life and of myself.
Many of them are to share with my friends and you, the happy moments in my life, some sad.
Here's a part of me still framed in a 640x480.
Some of the pictures are for narcissistic reasons, for a quick self-esteem boost or sometimes, to remind myself just how fortunate I am - emotionally, physically and materialistically.

I wrote about my friends, about how I had close to none in secondary school and now I am blessed with best friends.
Whom not only understand me, accept me and love me but also be there for me.
In the two years I've blogged, I've lost friends and gained precious ones, all pensively inscribed here with minimal efforts of keyboard tapping but each word with immense feelings.

Oh and sex... how can I forget the one thing that most of you come to this blog for?

I have very little to say about this subject, only this; I do not need to be white or black, Asian or American, man or woman, married or divorced, highly educated or illiterate, your gynaecologist or your parents, adult or menopaused to have/write about/talk about sex.

I just need to be myself.

And lastly,
That would be my last quote.
For this blog.
I'm closing this down.

To the faithful readers, I really want to thank you for being so supportive of me.
Thank you so much.

But I realised after two years of blogging under Mamoyo, I'm finally tired.

Blogging here has become too frustrating for me.
What used to be my source of outlet has now become a reason for more aggravations.
Not so much the personal attacks and criticisms of my blatant honesty.

I used to write as a means of liberation and yet with every entry I get judged as a character, not as a writer.
I wonder who did you all fell in love with - mamoyo or me?

I'll be moving to a new domain.
And it won't be mamoyo.

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

Wed, 25 Oct 2006 09:28:49 GMT

My brother was in a car accident.
Burnt his Honda City and another car into useless metal scraps.
At the Pujut bridge.

I've never felt so much fear when I saw the scene.

Fire trucks and police cars.
People. So many people. Too many people.
But I didn't see my brother.

I was going where's my brother? where's my brother?
Until someone stepped up and said he's been brought to the hospital.

I've never felt so much fear.

He's been released from the hospital this morning with minor scratches.
And confirmation of no internal injuries as initially suspected.
I'm thankful he's safe.
I'm thankful he's alive.

But the family he rammed into wasn't so happy.
One whole fucking mob of them at the hospital last night.
Angry and unsatisfied at my brother.
Threats have been made. Money has been exchanged.

In extreme financial crisis.

I'm hoping for a miracle.
For a time machine.
For this to be over.
For him to learn his lesson.

Friday, October 20, 2006

Fri, 20 Oct 2006 21:54:54 GMT

Quote of the Day - "Urgh! Penises are so not photogenic!" (Mamoyo, 2006)

My Dog Needs To Get Laid Part II

... cause' I have nothing else to blog about.

If I write about sex, I have no shame. Are you all sexual anorexics or what?
Nothing to write about also. I haven't been getting any action.
If I write about myself, I am so full of myself. A lil' self-confidence will kill you, is it?

Fine. I'll blog about my superdog.

I swear I'm his fucking slave.

So my neighbour's dog and Darlink have been talking...

Now that damn dog barks at everything!

I've always been careful about him not watching violent movies.
Like Courage The Cowardly Dog or Family Guy.
Just in case Darlink picks up smoking or blonde chicks.

But blur old me forgot the biggest influence of all... peer pressure!

Now he lihai... feels like he has to prove his friend something!
See newspaper man bark! See my friends bark! See small kid cycling past bark! See other dogs bark! See my neighbour bark! See my neighbour's dog bark!

See me bark!

...

No yet eat rotan this fellow!

So I brought him out for a walk.
Translation: I went running after him as he went on a rampage of pissing competition.

I know he's territorial... I mean, I can understand that what with him being a man and all.
But goddamnit, there's a time and place for everything!

He pissed on everyfuckingthing.

The bunga tahi ayam at my neighbour's place.
One AhBeng's Kenari (serves him right!).
Squatted a while at a patch of grass and wanted to shit but halfway the shit coming out of his ass, he changed his mind and ran to another patch (all the while, the shit still halfway out of his rectum and me being jerked around by a dog on a leash).
And worst of all...

... on a motorbike with a guy on it!

Omfg!

I've never been so embarrassed in my entire life.
The guy just looked on half-horrified, half-amused while Darlink did his business.
All the while I was putting my hand to my forehead in salutes of apologies... again and again.

Cibai dog.
I cut off your penis then you know... then you will never pee again!

Speaking of circumcision albeit a lil' too extreme, Irene asked me to castrate my dog.

o_0

So cruel suggest I get Darlink's balls snipped.
How he hold his head up like this?!
No balls not a man, you know.

Already kan peer pressure... now no balls...
What if he's laughed out of the clique and become social outcast?

I want generations of dogs from this superdog okay.
Continue my family's name.
The Yong Family.

But yes, after reading up on some dog breeding articles, I've decided to get him castrated.
Say byebye to your balls, Darlink!

What matters is the inside, you know...
*cheat small kids wan this consolation*

Monday, October 16, 2006

Mon, 16 Oct 2006 20:02:49 GMT

Quote of the Day - "It's only when the man starts being a bastard, then the woman realises he can be more than just a friend" (Mamoyo, 2006)

Okay

I miss blogging. So I shall, without the damn Sony T30.

So...

My dog needs to get laid.

Quick.

His special bolster is getting weary.

He would have lost his virginity last night if my friend, who shall remain anonymous would just let her dog have some fun.

My dog wanted it. Her dog wanted it. It would have been consensual sex.

I was all for it! Afterall this could possibly be the only chance I would get to be a parent!

I can understand a bit since her dog is still underage. But there's a lot of underage sex going on!
Yes right under your noses, you blissfully unaware parents!
Doesn't mean it's right but damn... they're dogs! Let them have a go at it!

But my friend is very protective of her dog!
She wants her to be a virgin forever.

For-everrr.

!!!

Oh my god. The cruelty.

Scary wei...
Later your dog grow up to hate you.
Rebel against you.
Then go fuck behind your back.
Run away from home.
Then come back with 5 puppies.

Since cannot fuck... they played with each other.
But Darlink still main paksa.
Tried to go up on her dog but at the wrong end!
Holyshit!
That was an attempted rape went wrong.

Became blowjob.

See! Even the dogs got it right...
foreplay first.

But alas, both dogs were pulled away before third base.

Cannot force right... I tried to matchmake Darlink but failed.
This is my only chance of becoming a parent but failed.
Tiew...
I can really see it now...
Me an old maid with a 40 year old virgin dog!

Sob.

P.s. name protected to ensure her dog a good marital reputation

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Tue, 10 Oct 2006 13:54:14 GMT

... wei wei wei ...

I am uh angry.

... how can... no boobs... no penis to show also... why the hell...

... Beh song

I.am.in.fourth.place.now.in.the.camwhore.competition.

Losing to guys!

4 guys somemore.

Yes I am erm angry.

No quotes. No entries. No pictures.

... until I win.

Sunday, October 08, 2006

Sun, 08 Oct 2006 10:53:39 GMT

Quote of the Day - "Goddamnit, the height is no excuse for the length!" (Mamoyo, 2006)

A few realisations I came to this week:

- Spending an hour a day cleaning the house is very therapeutic. For that one hour, I drive my problems out of my mind and concentrate on getting that fucking stain off my sofa.

- I saw a couple of my ex boyfriends over the weekend. Realised that exes became exes for a reason. Or many reasons. Let it stay that way. And you, don't even for a fucking second think that just because you are my past, you might have a shot at my future.

- Several confessions were made over the weekend. We could have if I let myself, I realised that when I couldn't stop thinking about it after you confessed. But I also know that our friendship is at stake. What we have now is so beautiful and knowing me, once I take it to the next level, I'll fuck you up so bad. Not literally but you get what I mean.

And I can't do it... not to myself, because I'm scared of losing you and I'm already peer-pressuring myself so as not to lose the closeness we have now. I rather have a beautiful friendship than a mindblowing relationship that can only last, knowing me... not very long.

- Playing the If game is tiring but necessary in some cases

- "He's always been like that" just doesn't cut it as an excuse for him to cheat

- That no matter how special he is to me now, I will eventually stop thinking about him. But whenever that I do, he will still be as special as he was on the day I fell for him.

- Sexual relationships, one way or another, cultivate feelings. It doesn't matter how shallow your initial motives may be or how cynical you are, feelings will develop. It is now just a matter of who's the better actor - at hiding it.

- Darlink is the best man for me. He sulks when I don't pay him any attention (reaction I find ego-inflating with a guy I like). He clings to me when I am lonely (a guy who can take a hint). He is not fond of other females (well, his girlfriend just passed away but I know I will always be his girl, because I feed him).

- Do not believe all my quotes. They can fuck up your relationships and turn you into me.

Thursday, October 05, 2006

Thu, 05 Oct 2006 10:17:33 GMT

Quote of the Day - "When a man says you're different from the other girls, it's probably just your name" (Mamoyo, 2006)

I realised the cynic comes back dua kali ganda everytime I am screwed over.
I am already like cynic 100 kali ganda compared to some ignorant females that I know.
So now I am like 200 kali ganda cynic.

You're probably going wtf now.
I don't blame you.
Even as I'm writing this now, I'm going wtf myself.

Wtf.

Before I continue, please click here.

I'm losing to... two guys now.

... pretty damn sure both don't have boobs ...

%#!%!#
I won't even bother to blog another sentence about it.
Okay just one more sentence then...
Vote for me damnit!

So I was reading back my chat logs this morning and I realised one of the best person I could possibly talk dirty about is with Irene.

Some of the more interesting excerpts...

Irene: wei I din ask u
Irene: how you doing anyway?
Mamoyo: ask me what?
Mamoyo: me doing *insert ex boyfriend's name here*
Mamoyo: hahahahahahahaha
Irene: cipiet
Irene: go do la!
Mamoyo: hahahahahahahahaha
Irene: cibai la u. From now on I ban anyone to talk about their happy sex lives in front of me!
Mamoyo: hahahahahahhahahaha

Yeah... I've a pretty uncontrollable laughter...
Oh and laughing at her about her celibacy while her boyfriend was away, came back to bite me on the ass after my breakup.

Because her boyfriend came to town.

Irene: btw did i mention that my 'hole's healing up' theory was proven right?
Irene: making love was painful
Mamoyo: ... you sound almost serious
Irene: moral of the story
Irene: abstinence is a bad badddddd idea
Irene: dont do it
Irene: your hole will heal up
Mamoyo: o_0
Mamoyo: I do my kegels like the way extremists pray
Irene: hahahaha
Irene: 5 times a day?
Mamoyo: yeah
Irene: how many gals do you know bother to do it?
Mamoyo: I dont know
Mamoyo: I dont fuck that many girls

...

Irene: so I was limping to the toilet...
Mamoyo: details woman! too many details!
Mamoyo: I am deprived! and still feeling it!
Mamoyo: the only sexual relationship I have right now is with my water hose!
Mamoyo: and he's not pretty!
Mamoyo: he's a fucking prostitute as far as I'm concerned
Mamoyo: I pay the bills DAMNIT!
Irene: Wahahahahaha...
Irene: I'm so not hearing this...

...

Mamoyo: I am gonna go shower
Mamoyo: and have dinner with some old swimmer friends
Mamoyo: and talk about the days when I still havent lost my virginity
Irene: ok... swimmer friends?
Irene: AHAHAHAHA
Mamoyo: Yeah kids younger than me
Irene: jesus dont corrupt them young uns
Mamoyo: what
Mamoyo: I barely remember what I did before I lost my virginity
Mamoyo: was there life before then
Irene: a diff sorta existence, if you ask me
Irene: lotsa things changed after
Mamoyo: I know
Mamoyo: Kinda like a lost soul finding its grave
Mamoyo: and could finally settle down in peace
Irene: Hahahaha... was it really settling down?
Mamoyo: Going up and down, yes

Yeah... vagina talk, we call it.

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

Wed, 04 Oct 2006 09:49:18 GMT

Quote of the Day - "I've since given up hope trying to change a man... unless he goes for a sex change first. Even then, the sex change is probably the only change you will get" (Mamoyo, 2006)

Once upon a time, a girl wanted to live in a castle. With the king and the queen, she said, because then she would feel safe. She, fearful of the many lads in the country, wanted the knights to protect her. Hence, her wish to live in a castle.

Her friend gave her the best house he could give. A house with a king and a queen. A house with knights.

And many kelefehs.

The house of cards.

... pfftttt ... lame story, I know ...

Woot...

Thanks Tyler! You can be the king of my castle.

Sunday, October 01, 2006

Sun, 01 Oct 2006 21:51:17 GMT

Quote of the Day - "Oh my God. Where's the fucking hole? This feels like virginity all over again" (Mamoyo, 2006)

I woke up on the right side of bed this morning.
Of course, Darlink's ass was on my face but he just lost a girl so I decided to spare him the talk.

Speaking of the talk, don't.

I used to think if something bothers you, talk it out.
Now I just wanna shut the fuck up and cry into the pillow myself at night.
Then put on a happy face the moment he comes online.
And just be how I was the first time we met.
Happy, bitchy, sarcastic.

I cannot have insecurities, because my insecurities lack reason.
Therefore I am by myself.
I cannot have fears, because my fears have no validation.
Therefore I am by myself.

Even if my month had been awful, I must be the girl you first met for your sake.
Even if my heart is broken, I must smile for your sake.

Holy fucking shit.

The moment I realised this, which was a little too late sometime between the minutes I brushed my teeth and washed my face, I smiled genuinely for the first time this week.

Peel the layers off me, my silly boy.
I'm the whole package - happy, bitchy, sarcastic, whiny, crybaby, manja, paranoid, insecure and confident.

I may be a walking contradiction on my bad days.
And if you are tired of it, I am sorry for myself.
I am sorry for you.
I am sorry for us.

Because I would have been more than willing to take yours
... and not feel any less for you.

But you know... I'm going to pick myself back up again.
And it is today.

It feels good.

Saturday, September 30, 2006

Sat, 30 Sep 2006 06:01:30 GMT

It must be karma.

Darlink killed my neighbour's chicken in a fight yesterday.
And today, my brother reversed his car onto my new puppy, Honey.

Sob.

Spare me the name bitchings. I didn't name my dogs.

I've only just started bonding with her.
I just bathed her this morning.
And in the blink of an eye...

She didn't even finish her lunch...

She was supposed to be Darlink's wife.
Darlink was supposed to lose his virginity to her.

Darlink saw her die.
I went to hug him and Darlink just barked at me.

There's nobody here for me and now Darlink won't even come to me.
My heart is broken into a million pieces, my puppy died.
And the one that lives hates me.

Sob.

I didn't know what to do with her body.
I called my mum up. She said wrap it up and put it in the garbage can.
I refused to.

I contemplated burying her but I didn't have a cangkul.
I contemplated burning her but I couldn't bear to see her like that.
So I did what my mum told me to, with a new Melia Hotel towel.

Then I sat down and wrote this post.

After a while, I couldn't bear it. I went outside and carefully took Honey out.
Yes, I took her out.

Fucking eww if you want to.
See if I fucking give a shit about your opinion of me or my dog.

Then I went to the bushes opposite my house and slowly dug a hole using the rake you use on fallen leaves.
All the while crying like a mofo.

If you saw some girl with her hair plastered to her face from the tears, ramming the earth with a useless piece of rake, that was probably me.

Even after the last handful of earth fell on her, my heart is still not content.
I wish I could do it better for her.
I just didn't know how.

Rest in peace, Honey.