I remember climbing into the truck, fully ready for a nap. Laying across the backseat so my head could rest in your lap, seeing your lovely face smiling down on me. I closed my eyes and smiled, content, while your hand found my throat. We couldn't help ourselves back then - this touch was all we knew. The truck moving down the highway was dark, the music low. Everything about what we were doing seemed so wrong, but somehow so perfectly right. I could always do anything with you, and this was the farthest to the extreme so far. As I lay there, feigning sleep, I touched you and thought that's all I ever wanted to do. Touch you, and feel that hand squeezing my throat. Your eyes telling me to keep quite so we don't get caught. Your lips finding mine for quick, stolen kisses. And in that last moment your hand let go of my throat and moved to gently caress my cheek, your eyes softening and smiling down at me. In that moment I knew what we were; just two people seeking heat and touch and pleasure, and that's all I'd ever know again. And I thought, 'maybe this is love, but probably not...'

Am I Single or Am I Taken?

Hmm. That's a good question these days.
I suppose I'm single. Though, I'm not really available. There are a few guys I'm interested in, definitely, but who knows where anything is going these days.

I finally talked to boy.
It was hard getting him to open up, but eventually it happened.

He said he doesn't regret what happened, because he wanted to do it, and he does like me, but things are complicated and hard right now. He was being an ass because he felt bad for cheating. He apologized for taking it out on me, and said that he actually took it out on everyone. He didn't really talk much for a few days because he was very guilty and unhappy. (that made me sad)

I still don't know what's going to happen, but things seem to be looking up. I don't doubt that him moving out of his girlfriend's house (today!) will be a big boost. I really think it's time for them to break up. But, if they don't, I'm not going to be so unhappy anymore.

I feel really lucky. 
For him finally opening up, and the things he said.
For you all who read this and care.
And for a myriad of additional things.

My life is still kind of in the shitter, but at least you guys are here to let me vent and help me out. 

I keep trying to blog, then running out of time and abandoning it.

So. This past week has been fairly interesting.
Besides working all the time, I've managed to convince my friend that he needs to cheat on his girlfriend (also my friend) with me, read two books, procured a PS2 and about 50 new movies. Yep. I'd say this week's been a doozy.

About the cheating.
I've had a crush on this guy for...well, since I met him, really. (so a couple years?) Our mutual friends have always told me he thought I was cute and liked me, but it never really mattered because he was dating my friend, and I was too involved with Michael to care. Then, Michael and I were over and suddenly it's all picked up again. This boy and I, we've been talking. Oh, my, yes we've been talking. About anything, everything, and especially about a few certain things. Apparently, he is unhappy in the relationship he's in. She's controlling, manipulative, and actually kind of a bitch. Which doesn't mean I don't enjoy her company on occasion, because she can be fun, but I certainly wouldn't want to be in a relationship with her. Anyways. I went to Prescott to see this boy. We spent the good majority of my visit there together, and everything seemed happy. He's such a nice guy, which is why nothing has happened between us thus far. He keeps talking about it, but he always feels guilty. Which I suppose is a really good thing. I just...well, shit, I want him to break up with his girlfriend and get with me. I'm not sure if this makes me a bad person. When a friend is unhappy, you want the best for them, right? And at this point in time, I feel like the best would be to get out of this relationship, even if it's not necessarily because of me.
But then there's the girlfriend. She's my friend, too, and I know that him breaking up with her would hurt her a lot.
This whole situation is really confusing. I want this kid, bad. I just don't know what the best thing to do is.

  ....help?

No one reads these.