markuzzz's Xanga

I've moved!

Mon, 25 Feb 2008 00:12:26 GMT

Hi, I've decided not to blog here anymore. Needed a change.

www.liltots.wordpress.com

p.s. If you're eligible to vote, please do so! Visit www.malaysiavotes.com and www.ceku.org.uk for some perspective on the elections/voting.

p.p.s. I'm running for charity again! This time for Sportrelief. Visit www.mysportrelief.com/markusng to donate money to support me. I'll be running with a few friends from uni. Money from this run will go to Comicrelief. Follow the money trail here - http://www.comicrelief.com/all-about-us/who-we-are/accounts/. Look under "grants awarded" to see which charities benefit from the money raised.

I want to want to

Sun, 06 Jan 2008 02:24:40 GMT

update (7/1/2008) - uploaded the song here http://myspace.com/markusng

-

God I don know, I don know
I really want to, but it doesn show
My projections, my convictions
Muddled mess, so much confusion
I don know,
I don know.

What do I say when youe heard it all
Excuses, lies, remorse, more lies
Yet still I dare to mouth them words
I sorry for how much it hurts and disappoints

I not perfect, but I gonna try
seek the truth and apply
I want to honestly repent
Give you my 100%

I want to want to love You
as You love me too
I want to want to live life
as You want me to
I want to want to honour You
More than anything I want to want to

Iot there yet, but I trying
So help me God.

-
Mark 8:34
"... If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me."

So, so difficult..

prank calls

Wed, 17 Oct 2007 23:01:39 GMT

glad i haven't received any so far while on duty. check these two out -

think that's funny? this one's crazier.

50%

Sat, 06 Oct 2007 17:02:17 GMT

i'm (not?) here.

notes to self, hehe :) go read someone else's blog if you want proper posts.

here's a video of something i did this summer - projek kalsom, a summer camp run annually by msian uni students in the uk for form 4 students in less-developed parts of msia.

GERAMNYE..

Mon, 17 Sep 2007 07:23:14 GMT

ARGGHHHH THE LETHARGY!!!

Friday, September 07, 2007

Fri, 07 Sep 2007 17:11:59 GMT

To my Christian friends and readers, enjoy and be encouraged. Thanks Thomas for sharing this with me!

woohoo!

Sun, 29 Jul 2007 18:57:36 GMT

i'm now a qualified open water diver and a poorer man. i must admit, despite my hesitations, it was a nice experience. thank you, my enthusiastic dive buddies. i would never have done this on my own.

do let me know if you want to take lessons with the best trainer ever.

"the worst day diving is better than the best day working"

-

i realise more than anything, the little conversations make my day.

add oil

Wed, 18 Jul 2007 17:36:10 GMT

die larh. i only completed 2 out of the 12 things i supposed to do today.

so much for holidays. i will try to do less to do more.

gambate!

expression

Fri, 15 Jun 2007 03:09:36 GMT

Performed during a poetry night on sunday. It turned out to be much more interesting than I had expected it to be. Was reminded that there is so much more to expression than the words we use. Realised too that although I didn't understand some of which was said, I could still appreciate its beauty. Saul Andretti, an Italian poet/writer who recited a couple of poems in Italian put it well when he said "just listen to it like music". It certainly was.

It cropped up again during the past few days. Attended two courses by the careers centre and the residents support network. In both courses it was mentioned that something like 55% of communication happens through body language, 38% through our voice, and only 7% depends on the words we use/say. Different people have come up with different statistics but all share the same intuition.

Some friends have told me that I think about others too often. I mean I'm not totally insecure but I do find myself constantly wondering about what others are thinking/feeling and trying to emphatise with them. When I'm not dreaming , I find I do 'catch' other ppl's feelings/thoughts pretty naturally. I think it's due in part to the kind of family I come from. We aren't very expressive. So I learnt to pick up what they were thinking/feeling without them needing to say it. There were very few hugs and "I love you"s in the family, but there definitely was a lot of love in the family. We didn really need to make explicit a lot of our thoughts/feelings.

Reflecting on this a bit, I realise that not only does it affect the way I perceive, but it also affects the way I express myself. For example, those who know me probably know that I don't express myself so well in person. I know I've been misunderstood just so many times because of the unclear signals I send out verbally, vocally and physically. I also can't act or lie for nuts. It's only when I'm really passionate about something that I am able to express myself effectively. Maybe this even explains in part why my brothers and I embraced music and sport so readily. Were we looking for alternative avenues for expression?

And then I look at the movies. The actors and actresses often spell everything out so clearly. He flings his arms about and uses expletives to make sure his audience knows he's pissed off. Her smile is wide when happy and her eyes are red with tears when sad. Do they always have to make things so obvious? Well yeah, cos some viewers need it to be spelt out like that to be able to 'catch'/perceive the emotions/thoughts of the characters.

And then I wonder about the freedom of expression. It seems to be somewhat fashionable nowadays to champion the cause of greater freedom of expression, be it in the media, arts, etc. Wee also quick to encourage our young to be more vocal and to be not afraid of expressing their opinions. Some of this is indeed justified and good. But I have this nagging feeling that beneath the surface there is an undercurrent of basic human desire to be heard, to be part of a community, and to know that we are not alone.

In fighting for greater freedom to express ourselves, and in teaching our young to be confident in expressing themselves, we must not forget to listen. Bear in mind that expression might not be the end in itself. We want to be heard. If so, we must also teach our young to be perceptive and observant, so that where forms and platforms of/for expression is limited, even the softest of voices spoken is heard. When attuned to the spirit of the world, the subtleties of life scream at us.

Avoid the dumbing down. Observe. Think. Smile. See the writer dancing between the lines. It beautiful.

Finally received my accomodation offer. I'll be in Tawney 13 next (academic) year. I'm on the same corner of the tower again, in room 2. Hope I'll continue to get nice flatmates!

There's something about the season.. I've had some really good conversations with people over the past few days. Perhaps it's the nice weather or the fact that everyone's stress-free with exams out of the way. Got to know nori, arturo, and nik a little better; met so many nice ppl via the rsn and careers course like friedrike and stephen; mihail and the botswanians through random footballing... people are beautiful when they are genuine.

Ie caught myself by surprise a couple of times in the past few days making value judgements on others recently. Scary?need to shake off this cultural baggage.

Here the video of the performance I did in the lakeside theatre recently. I cannot believe how nervous I was?there still so much for me to improve on. I apologise unnecessarily, stammer, MUMBLE (even while singing), rush ahead of time, poor mic technique, run out of breath, fidget with my eyes.. Aih, need more practice

Have a nice summer!

...

Sun, 20 May 2007 20:32:53 GMT

busses are infrequent on sundays, so i got one and arrived 20 minutes before music practice was to start for service today. decided to take a stroll down castle park. i've never explored the park properly despite having been here for a year and a half. hrmph

ok so while at the park this young guy crosses my path 5 feet in front of me and mutters "watch where you're walking". surprised, i looked at him again to see if he was talking to me. the following dialogue ensued

"watcha looking at? ya got a problem?"

[looks blur]

"stop looking at me"

"er ok. have a nice day!"

"yeah i will if you stop looking at me"

[we then fought. scuffled like dogs. he took out a knife and swings but i dodged quickly, throwing a punch that smacks him squarely right under the chin. beat him up nicel... ]

lol dream on ler. i simply walked away. nothign that interesting ever happens to me.

it's the exam fever.. i'm gonna be so relieved when it's all over on the 31st.

blog has officially deteriorated into unintelligible speech. if you still read this go get a job