so i have to get this out somewhere and so i'm doing it here

i have a very think bubble and i choose selectively who i let in and who i keep out(i think i'v really only let 4 people in... ever)

but... once i let someone in i will do anything for that person- anything!- exspecially if i think they want it

i find myself in situations doing thinks i'm not sure i want or should be doing.

i am a people pleaser

when i realiezed this finally... i did not stop- How can anyone just stop something?

but one thing did happen- i realized one person i let in.... that left... was one person i had never wanted to lose

now i've lost the one person i never wanted to lose and will never get back

and there is nothing i can do

so what do i do

what have i been doing?

why pleasing people of course

searching for someone who loves me like i thought that one person did... or said they did

... because... all i know is -no one really loves me who i've ever returned my love for like i ever thought love should be

now that i know what love is and have lost what is was to me, now i just seek that love

since i'v lost the love

 and the only love i have

 is for the one i lost....

its out... and now i realize i just have a few questions for that one person... that i'll never get to ask

I cry a low soft song...

no one hears... not even the ones close to me...

are they just giving  me space?  am I just pushing them away..

I cry a song of wanting to leave... a song of sadness...

this song is not of defeat but being beat...

this is a lost song which no one can or will hear

like the wave which crashes on a empty beach or a leaf that fell in a forest were no one goes

but this is not an empty beach and there are people in this forest

why does no one notice.. or why do they allow themselves to be pushed away?

my song is sad... my tears are slow but steady...