marykatewannabe's Xanga

Monday, October 02, 2006

Mon, 02 Oct 2006 23:03:09 GMT

ok so now im starting to think the laxies have really messed up my stomach. no matter what i eat it goes through me. hhhmmmmmmmm..........guess i cant complain though

Friday, September 29, 2006

Fri, 29 Sep 2006 10:24:11 GMT

im horrible at keeping this updated. so much has been going on.... me and my boyfriend of five years are moving apart in a month, i feel slightly sick to my stomach 24/7, and i have no appetite. which is good. ive lost more weight. ive been having about one english muffin a day no counting liquids. i cant keep anything in me either. food just goes right through me. i think it may the laxie abuse for years that ive been doing. hhhmmmm..... dont know and i really dont want to go see anyone. i kinda like that food just goes right threw me. strange i know but its comforting somehow.

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

Wed, 20 Sep 2006 21:04:21 GMT

over ate yesterday so i took 8 laxies. small bowl of cereal and one english muffin today. thats it

Monday, September 18, 2006

Mon, 18 Sep 2006 22:10:46 GMT

i want to lose as much weight as possible. i have fucking love handles. i cant even begin to describe what hatred that builds inside me. i jogged for an hour today and had a small bowl of lettuce, half a tomatoe, black beans and tuna. im going to bed now. ill update tomorrow night. oh and current weight 114

Friday, September 08, 2006

Fri, 08 Sep 2006 15:25:21 GMT

i got into a car accident yesterday morning while making visits for my job (i work for hospice). my back is hurting and my right arm has been feeling numb so i have to go back to the doctors tomorrow.

and yes thats my front bumper sitting on top of what used to be my hood.

Friday, September 01, 2006

Fri, 01 Sep 2006 21:59:56 GMT

its been so long since i last posted. im still fat and i still hate myself. ive noticed that im more concerned with my thighs than any other part of my body. i dont want them to touch and i dont want any curve what so ever on the inner thigh. the outer is ok to have alittle. oh and when i sit i cant stand to see my thighs spread....it makes me wanna vomit. and because im a fat cow i also have love handles when i try and fit into jeans that used to be too big. how did i let that happen? how can i go from too big to too tight? does anyone else focus on one or two parts of their body? or do you just hate your body as a whole?

Friday, August 18, 2006

Fri, 18 Aug 2006 21:36:38 GMT

ok so i ended up staying in miami almost 4 weeks instead of the planned two. but i have an interesting horrifying story that happened to me while i was there. i was at publix buying my trusty laxies when my the checkout machine refused to read my debit card. now i had been having this problem more and more but it slipped my mind at this time. since i had people in line behind and they all could see what i was buying i told the cashier she needed to manually punch in my card number. instead she called a manager handed him the box of laxies and he then walks me and the laxies over to cs where he hands the box to another cashier for her to ring me and my faulty card up. will if case you havent noticed the publix grocery stores have installed these big screens where it list every purchase and price, total, etc... well guess what mine said? fleet laxatives in big ass letters across the screen. why it had to be spelled out i dont know. and by the time the cashier finally got me checked out the line behind me not to mention 10 other people could see what i bought.

Sunday, August 06, 2006

Sun, 06 Aug 2006 23:56:22 GMT

thanks for the comments everyone. they always mean so much. im still in miami and i have on and off days. mainly ive been good eating only one meal a day or a few bites here and other days ive eaten way to much. ive gone to the beach a few times and im actually disguisted with myself. my thighs are huge. i can only take it one day at a time. i have periods of wanting to be nothing but normal and others i long to be stick thin. i see girls all around me and they have this perfect stick thin body. i always look to see if theyre my height and when they are i become ashamed. ashamed that im fat and overweight. i dont know why everyone made such a big deal about my weight when i was 107 when i look around me and see girls my height who weigh less than that. they look so perfect. what i wouldnt give to have that.

Saturday, July 29, 2006

Sat, 29 Jul 2006 12:01:28 GMT

im in a rush so i just wanted to let you know im fasting today. ill update tonight

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

Tue, 25 Jul 2006 01:53:15 GMT

in miami. took some laxies tonight because my stomach was bloated all day for no reason. i had half a venti frap and some cucumber salad. thats it. ill update later.

update

woke up this morning and my stomach was killing me. i didnt have cramps but sharp pains in my lower stomach. usually these laxies dont bother me at all. i think i may be taking them too much.