WE ALL GET HEAVIER AS WE GET OLDER BECAUSE THERE'S A LOT MORE INFORMATION IN OUR HEADS.

SO I AM NOT FAT

IM JUST REALLY INTELLIGENT AND MY HEAD COULDN'T HOLD ANYMORE SO IT STARTED FILLING UP THE REST OF ME

THAT'S MY STORY AND IM STICKING TO IT

XD

It was the 26^th of August when I experienced one of a kind disaster. It is not of course due to environmental predicaments or what have you. It is something internal and infamous. Who would have thought at that very day with less than twenty people in a small room witnessed how challenging and demoralizing college life can be. With all five chapters ranging from the characters of war up to the so philosophical alternative approaches, a normal student would be able to come up with a logical, convincing and powerful arguments in just three minutes, that sounds kind of unusual and demanding.

The day before that oral exam, I feel scared and pressured because it is not the only subject that I suppose to pay exceptional attention. I have to do a part in our very much dramatic and friend-sensitive term paper and also the position of the Islamic Republic of Iran regarding the external debt crisis phenomena which is the hardest of all topics that a CONLEAD would insisted. What I do is to finish first the CONLEAD and INTLORG requirements and after that, the subject that I will remember for life.

So then, at around eleven in the evening, I started reading alternative approaches to mainstream international relations theories. It was really hard to grasp whatever it is there because I don’t like philosophy much and maybe that is the reason why I feel like I am going to fail. Then I ended up reading nuclear proliferation at around three in the morning with isotopes and ballistic missiles in my precious grey matter hoping that at ten thirty, life would be great like eating a gallon of ice cream alone. I went to school at around nine with under time sleep, met two classmates and reviewed for the oral exams.

That ten thirty came and I do believe that I am not that well equipped for the questions that I might get. So subsequently, I was the fifth one to experience the much awaited innovative style of having your finals. When I entered the room, I was nervous big times. I don’t know why but maybe because of the past experiences with the level of difficulty in that subject with the loved and famous professor. I rolled the dice and I got alternative approaches and nuclear proliferation. I was praying for international ethics or changing character of wars but then again, fate leads me to answer the two topics that to some extent I hated much.

And the rest is history. I really can’t explain what I am feeling right now. I did not perform well in that exam and it bothers me a lot. It then leads me to question my self again because of what happened. Am I doing better this time since the controversial grade of two or am I just feeling that what I am presenting about what I can do will never be enough to satisfy every single entity that observe how I strive hard for every gorgeous subjects?. Sigh, I smell another round of teary nights and depression because of grade issues. I know it is something shallow for many of you but can just understand the distress I am experiencing for like consecutive terms when you are subjected to a definite orientation of learning. I am becoming inferior you know and because of that it might lead to somewhat peculiar approach to life.

In that three minutes of shall I say disaster,  I am like this now so what more will I am going to experience or expect when our last academic term enter into the scene because of the most-talked subject in the past months. How I wish I could turn back time and change some parts of the story since that first gorgeous subject I have encountered. I want to change how people perceive me since that very day and I want to clean my mind because of the rumors about the lovely ways of teaching.

Way to go for me, but you know what, maybe this time, I can easily accept what will going to happen unlike the first encounter way back April, what drives me to continue learning is the fact that even though some things are pushing me down, I still have my faith in God, my love for my family and trust for my friends that they will never let me down in times like this. J

To our dear and kind professor, whatever grade you will give me, I will consider that the highest grade I will ever receive in my college life because I know that I am doing all my best and extracting all means just to pass your subjects. I know it’s hypocritical. L

Oh September first, have mercy on us. XD

The world stopped indeed but it will move again, hopefully

J