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Interests: Choi Min-Shik, black & white photography, poetry, charles b. tyne, philosophy, Eastern Orthodoxy, expatriatism, Nicholai Shin, coffee, wine, vodka, Gauloises, East Asia, East Africa, good conversations, France, travel, grapefruit, Impressionism, Ethiopian cuisine, Marc Chagall, Hieronymus Bosch, Henri de Toulouse-Lautrec
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Member Since: 9/18/2002

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Sunday, February 08, 2004

Okay, so I've not posted in a while.  I wouldn't now, but I'm sick of being nagged to tell people about the boring things I do by the very people with whom I do the boring things.

So instead of saying anything about the weekend, I'll post the silly joke made up with some erstwhile companions:

A hermit walks into a bar and says to the barkeep: "I"m very thirsty, but I'm fasting, so just give me a glass of water."  A little while later a second hermit walks in and tells the barkeep: "I'm very thirsty, but I'm fasting, so just give me a thimbleful of water."  Not so long after that, a third hermit walks in.  The barkeep asks for his order, and the hermit replies: "Nothing.  I'm very thirsty."

That's all folks.  I certainly will be outta town well before the end of the night....


Saturday, April 19, 2003

Here's the letter I wrote to Toe, followed by buddha's:

Tavos,

I’ll post this on my xanga site too, so others can see what I’ve to say in response to your letter.

I appreciate the response to my email, and your continuing growth in Christ. I get the impression that many in our class have simply lost interest, and it is good to hear that “many” does not mean “all”.

 

To address some of your concerns about denominationalism, I have a response followed by a gigantic caveat.  I’ll also begin with one – I’m no priest, no learned man in the faith, just some kid with opinions.  Don’t take me too serious, and don’t take me as being the definitive spokesman for Orthodoxy.

 

Here’s the basic premise, as I understood it, behind your line of thought: (1) The Church consists of those who worship God.  To that you added two details: (2) The Church agrees on central doctrines of the faith; and (3)  Differences in denominations are differences to meet individual needs.  This might be a slight mischaracterization of your view, but I think it is a common one held throughout contemporary evangelical America. 

 

So, a few problems: First, frankly, today’s denominations are not united.  It seems strange to call a bunch of individual churches “united” when they have little in common in terms of practice, governance, or history.  What is it that unites Presbyterians to Pentecostals to Bible churches?  I think your regular evangelical would say that they’re united in spirit.  But if they’re united in spirit, why aren’t they united in practice?  To make this more blatant, if I go from one Southern Baptist congregation to another, I can tell they’re united – they have similar structures, hymns, and church buildings, they all answer to the same authority, the Southern Baptist convention.  It is clear that they are one and united.  But it is not at all clear that there is anything between Baptists and Presbyterians. Today’s Protestant often replies that the notion is ideal, and that petty differences are simply that, petty historical disputes that no one cares about anymore.  Fine.  Why, then, isn’t there one, united Presbaptist church?  Likely, because actually, those disputes aren’t so petty.  In other words, evangelicals themselves do not fit the “central doctrines” premise needed by their own scheme. 

 

But maybe they’re right, maybe we should just give up on all these institutional differences, and just attribute discrepancies to personal taste. This is where (3) comes in.  It is the modernist view.  To keep it from going completely the relativist route, to keep out the Mormons and the Muslims and the Jews and the Catholics, we cite (2).  I’ll mention 2 difficulties with (3).  First, is that Protestant groups have never found a really good definition of “central doctrines of the faith.”  If they say the Apostles’ or the Nicene creeds, then they have to let in Catholics and Mormons.  If they say, the Westminster Confession, they leave out the Baptists.  There are only two good ways out of this conundrum: (a) give up the project of unification and simply claim that your group is right, leaving it at that; (b) become a Unitarian and water down the doctrine till everyone is in.  The second difficulty is more complex.  Usually when one says that practice is a matter of taste, we mean the manner of worship is a matter of taste.  But clearly we don’t think this – worship certainly has Biblical and doctrinal restrictions.  We don’t espouse snake dancing.  I remember Nigel Higgins sending Kinzer into a hissy fit by insisting that he could worship God “through” a tree.  Without a coherent doctrine of worship, anything goes.  Thus, (3) really collapses into (2) – which either leads to (a) or (b); (a) creates the situation seen in the above paragraph, and (b) is simply to deny (2). 

 

I hope this doesn’t sound too harsh or hypocritical.  It is meant as a description, with some speculation as to the cause.  In Orthodoxy we see the Church very differently. 

 

Orthodoxy’s understanding of the Church which comes from the Nicene Creed: “One holy, catholic, and apostolic church;”  Though this may not be complete, here’s three aspects to match the previous three, deriving from the Creed:  (1a) holy, that is, closed communion –  Orthodox only allow Orthodox to commune; (2a) catholic, that is, one in mind, practice, and doctrine, in the past and present, and for eternity; (3a) apostolic, that is, legitimate successors of the early Church of the Apostles and Christ Himself.

 

(1a) is really more of a consequence of (2a) and I believe buddha is addressing (3a).  So I’ll just discuss (2a) briefly.  Put simply, Orthodoxy embraces option (a) under (2) above.  We say that those who are in the Church are one by virtue of being in one mind and heart.  This is a very scriptural notion:

 

Acts 4:32: "The community of believers was of one heart and one mind ..."

1 Corinth 1:10: "I urge you, brothers, in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ, that all of you agree in what you say, and that there be no divisions among you, but that you be united in the same mind and in the same purpose."

Philippians 1:27: "...that you are standing firm in one Spirit, with one mind struggling together for the faith of the Gospel, not intimidated in any way by your opponents."

Philippians 2:2: "...complete my joy by being of the same mind, with the same love, united in heart, thinking of one thing."

1 Peter 3:8: "Finally, all of you, be of one mind ..."

 

In no small way, this is what is meant by Holy Tradition – to be participating in Holy Tradition is to be of one mind and spirit. 

 

Here, though, is the giant caveat.  I like to make a distinction between those who are Christian and those who are in the Church.  The Orthodox Church claims the fullness of the faith, but does not claim an utter monopoly on all faith.  What Christ revealed was revealed to all.  While the Church alone preserves that revelation whole and complete, others too have preserved some of it.  Thus we say that Protestants understand some knowledge of Christ, often a great deal.  So we do not deny that Protestants and Catholics may indeed by Christian; they have, as it were, not the full body of knowledge but a skeleton of it.  As Paul says at the beginning of Romans, God has revealed his moral law and even himself to all the world; Solomon says God has set eternity in the hearts of men.  Therefore, even the moral pagan is doing something right – he is doing the best he can with the knowledge he has.  Moreover, the Church does not claim that all those belonging to her are Christians.  Merely, they are the ones that have made a public confession and so are received.  God alone judges the heart.  (This is really quite important – it is the Church that is Orthodox, not the people in it.  If most of the people are like myself, then we have much to learn in our belief.  The Orthodox cry is ever the paradoxical, “Lord I believe, help me in my unbelief!”)  Let me not be misunderstood, however – the notion of an invisible church is utterly foreign to Orthodoxy.  It would be more accurate to say that all Christians are in the Church after some fashion.  The Lord is sovereign, and will join to his Body whom he will in the way he wills.  Nevertheless, the Church is his chosen, regular instrument and Christians who are not visibly part of the Church are in, at best, an irregular state of grace. 

 

So those are some of my thoughts.  Some likely aren’t quite right, so any questions you have would be most beneficial to help winnow out the chaff.

 

Take care,

Mattern

hey toews, sorry for the my procrastination in responding. customary

delinquency, that's what keeps me going.

Christ is risen! happy Easter! i dont celebrate it until next week, but

that means little.

my response to you has become a long email indeed; apologies.

i agree with most of what youve said in this email, about the silliness of

denominational differences, and the claims of each denomination to be the

'true church.' a lot of it is petty feuds over things that really are not

the essential aspects of the faith: to follow Christ, and grow closer to

God.

i do, however, feel, that there is a great distinction between orthodoxy and

any protestant denomination. in russia, people kept thinking that i was

catholic, and when i tried to explain that i was protestant, they never

could could quite grasp it-- they tended to understand the various

protestant denominations as catholic sects. while i was offended at the

time, i've actually come to agree with this, more or less.

my conviction that the orthodox church is the unswerving "holy, catholic and

apostolic Church" which has held to the essentials of the faith, neither

adding nor subtracting, is based largely on history, so bear with me. until

the council of chalcedon (i forget the year), it could truly be said that

the body of believers and the physical, earthly Church were the same thing.

all Christians were of the same confession, all communed freely with one

another. there had been the occasional (and sometimes prominent) bishop who

professed a belief that was eventually denounced by the church council as

heresy, but in general the followers of errant beliefs accepted the

decisions of the Church, and came back in line with correct doctrine. as

the word "orthodox" means "correct doctrine," i'll call this early church

the Orthodox church. of course, as the word "catholic" means "universal,"

it was also the Catholic church. but not the Roman Catholic church-- the

bishop of Rome had yet to claim doctrinal supremacy over the other bishops.

then came some nasty politics. the roman/byzantine empire of the north

mediterranean was trying to regain political control over the south

mediterranean (especially egypt); and the empire was influential enough that

it got some prominent bishops to denounce the bishop of alexandria as a

heretic. there had been an earlier heresy, nestorianism, which denied the

unity of Christ's humanity and divinity; in essence saying that God

inhabited a human body, but was fully separate from that human. there are

actually still nestorian Christians around today, mostly in Iraq, but

they've always been small enough in number that this earliest of schism was

more the excommunication of a small number of heretics than a formidable

split in the body of those who called themselves Christians. anyhow, the

bishop of alexandria, in reaction to nestorianism, used language emphasizing

that Christ's divine and human nature are inseparable. under influence from

northern politics, many roman/byzantine bishops denounced this as a denial

of Christ's humanity, calling it "monophysitism"-- the claim that Christ has

one, not two, natures. the northern church, the "diphysites," emphasized

the two natures of Christ, divine and human, inseparable but fully

distinguishable. the southern church, to my understanding, believed

precisely the same thing, but used slightly different language, and

political clout was able to aggravate this grammatical quibble into a

full-fledged schism, at the council of chalcedon. this allowed the

roman/byzantine empire to persecute the africans (especially egypt but also

all of north africa in addition to ethiopia) and others who had not been

present at the council-- notably indian and armenian Christians. this

basically separated european and arabian Christians from the rest of the

Church.

anyhow, that was the first major schism in the body of believers (and in my

view the most tragic, exacerbated more by politics than by genuine doctrinal

concerns), the first real evidence of denominationalism within the Church.

nonetheless, much of the laity seemed to understand the petty nature of the

quibble, and chalcedonians and non-chalcedonians frequently treated one

another (and still do) as if they believed the same thing and were in full

communion.

then (i forget the precise year) came the Great Schism, in 1054. the church

had traditionally recognized the importance of certain cities to the

Christian faith-- alexandria, jerusalem, antioch, constantinople, and rome.

thus the bishops of these cities held special prominence, and were called

(in jerusalem, antioch, and constantinople) patriarchs and (in rome and

alexandria) popes. they had a special place at Church councils (though each

had one vote, same as the bishop of the lowliest and most distant diocese),

and when the entire Church was at council, the pope of rome presided-- rome

being the first capitol of the roman empire.

rome, however, was the only ancient Christian metropolis in western europe,

and over the years had gained more and more control over the dioceses of

western europe, and Christians of western europe came to regard the pope of

rome, rather than the Church in council, as the sole arbiter of doctrinal

matters. this was basically completed in 1066, when william the conqueror

invaded britain and brought the believers in the british isles fully under

the roman sphere of influence.

a local council in toledo, spain, many centuries earlier (500s i think), had

made a notorious change to the nicene creed-- the confession of faith,

drafted by the council of nicea, which united all Christians-- the creed

states the essential doctrines of all Christianity, and the idea is that

anybody who confesses this creed is in full communion with the Church. the

first half of it was drafted at the council of nicea; some centuries later

the need was seen to further explicate the role of the Church and the Holy

Spirit, and so the creed was expanded at the council of constantinople. i'm

sure you know the creed, you'll remember that one article (as you've been

taught it) reads: "I believe in the Holy Spirit, Lord and Giver of life,

who proceeds from the Father and the Son, who with the Father and the Son

together is worshiped and glorified, who spoke by the prophets."

the nicene-constantinoplean creed, as agreed upon by the bishops of the

Church in council and adopted universally by the laity, reads: "I believe

in the Holy Spirit, Lord and Giver of Life, who proceeds from the Father,

who with the Father and the Son together is worshiped and glorified, who

spoke by the prophets." it was the council of toledo that had added "and

the Son" (latin "filioque") to the creed.

this addition was used more and more commonly in western europe, was adopted

by charlemagne, was rejected several times by the pope of rome, but

eventually rome adopted it, and later the eastern church began to be accused

of heresy for "omitting" the filioque!

its a petty detail, and silly. some orthodox argue that the filioque

amounts to a change in the doctrine of the Trinity, creates a hierarchy of

Father--> Son--> Holy Spirit that subverts the equality of the three Persons

of the Trinity. others simply say that it doesnt make a bit of doctrinal

difference, but because it was not adopted by the Church at council it is

not canonical, so to accuse those who do not confess it of heresy is

wrongheaded-- in fact, heretical.

at any rate, in 1054 an emissary from rome came to the great cathedral of

the holy wisdom (hagia sophia) in constantinople, and officially

excommunicated the patriarch of constantinople. this was uncanonical and

heretical for two reasons-- one, the previously discussed filioque, and two,

it was a claim that the pope of rome, rather than the Church at council,

held the authority to excommunicate anybody, it gave rome an authoritarian

role over the rest of the Church, rather than the pope of rome simply being

the "first among equals" at Church councils.

by now you've seen what, to my mind, is the most distinguishable tenet of

orthodoxy-- the supreme canonicity of the Church. roman catholics say the

pope of rome alone is infallible, protestants claim that infallibility rests

only in Holy Scriptures. orthodox believe that the Bible is infallible and

canonical because it was created by the Church in council-- that is to say,

the Church in council sorted through all the epistles, gospels, and

spiritual writings that were being circulated among Christians, and selected

the ones which agreed in every aspect with the essential beliefs of

Christianity-- through God's divine guidance, the council was able to

distinguish those texts which had been inspired by God Himself, from those

which were either incorrect or simply lesser. thus the infallibility of

Holy Scripture is fully grounded in the infallibility of the Church.

of course, the Church is not merely the bishops in council-- it is the body

of all believers. in the 1400s, the byzantine empire desparately needed

support from the west for protection against muslim invasion. the emperor

of constantinople coerced the bishops of the eastern Church to meet with the

bishops of the western church, for the council of florence. at that

council, the bishops of the east adopted the filioque, and accepted the pope

as the sole arbiter of doctrine.

but the Christians of the east rejected this flat-out. they recognized it

as political concessions rather than canonical agreement, deposed their

bishops, refused to adopt the filioque and refused to submit to rome. so,

although the council of florence was ratified by the bishops of the Church,

the laity (and parish priests) of the Church recognized it as heresy and

rejected it. thus affirming that infallibility rests only in the entire

Church-- laity and bishops.

and of course we recognize that any claim of infallibility or canonicity

comes exclusively by the grace of God, the All-knowing.

anyhow, we're nearly to the reformation by now. you're familiar with the

mass corruption in the medieval roman catholic church, the selling of

indulgences, the use of latin to make knowledge of the Bible and of the

faith inaccessible to laity, et cetera, et cetera. for the most part, these

problems were exclusively western problems. orthodoxy clung much more

stubbornly to the essentials of the faith, and has been much more reluctant

than the roman catholics to espouse dogma on a variety of issues.

essentially, orthodoxy's only dogma is the nicene creed-- all other

teachings are doctrine, which one cannot be excommunicated for disagreeing

with-- unless one asserts that an opposing viewpoint is in fact dogma. this

was not always carried out, and there has been a good deal of problems with

the goverment attempting to seize control over the Church hierarchy (in

russia, peter the great abolished the patriarchate and appointed a

bureaucrat to rule the council of bishops; this was not reversed until

1917), but it had negligable effect on ordinary believers.

anyhow, the outcome of the reformation was the formation of essentially

national churches. lutherans in germany/scandinavia, later on anglicans in

england, and even later presbyterians in scotland. because the unity and

canonicity of the Church had been rejected, churches were split by doctrinal

squabbles, up to the point we have today of basic pluralism-- whatever you

decide Christianity is, that's what it is for you and you don't have to obey

anything but your own conscience, so find a congregation that's "right for

you," and if you can't find any, then start your own. you recognize that

i'm exaggerating. evangelicals at least recognize the canonicity of Holy

Scripture, so the supreme arbiter of doctrine becomes not individual taste

but individual interpretation of the Bible. but still, the essence is "do

what's right for you," which is why every church you'll go to sings their

own praise choruses or hymns and has a different rock band, chamber

orchestra, or baptist choir leading the worship.

that's not to say that most protestants and catholics arent Christians; i

certainly believe they are. and evangelicalism in particular has kept the

faith from becoming superficial, based solely on tradition and physical

action. protestantism, i feel, has tended to hyper-spiritualize the faith,

all but rejecting that the body as well as the soul must worship God-- but

the good aspect of that is that it keeps us from forgetting the importance

of the spiritual aspects of worship.

so i do feel that protestant denominations are incorrect because they reject

the canonicity of the Church; reject that the Church can be a physical, not

merely invisible, presence on earth, in unbreached succession from the very

first believers at the Pentecost. i find it ironic that many attempts to

get back to the fundamentals of the early Church are based on the Bible,

which wasn't collected and distributed until several centuries after the

Church began-- and before and after that, most Christians were illiterate,

their faith founded on the teachings of the Fathers and their daily

spiritual practice, rather than by text.

but God saves those whom He will save. i believe that the Orthodox Church

is the physical manifestation of the One Holy Catholic and Apostolic Church,

on the basis of a direct, unswerving connection, through apostolic

succession, with the very first believers, that it is in fact not merely

_like_ the early Church but it _is_ the early Church.

but nobody can tell who is invisibly a part of the Church. "believe on the

Lord Jesus Christ, and you will be saved." those who truly believe in

Christ (though some of their doctrine/practice may be errant) may be visibly

separated from the canonical Church, but are invisibly part of the Church.

and likewise, there are plenty of orthodox "christians" who follow the rules

but not the Lord, are visibly part of the Church but invisibly separated.

so i dont believe in ecumenical pluralism. i dont think that mennonites,

pentecostals, catholics and orthodox all follow equally valid expressions of

Christianity. catholics have rejected correct doctrine and the authority of

the universal Church; protestants have rejected some of the catholic

heresies but have remained disunited. if nothing else, i think that the

continued unity of the orthodox Church and the fact that it has had no major

schism since the roman catholics broke from the faith a thousand years ago,

is evidence that orthodoxy has something that all other sects lack. it is

primarily this historical argument which convinces me. the nonchalcedonian

and chalcedonian orthodox are on the verge of reunion (i'm certain it will

happen within the next century; after 1500 years of separation that's a

blink of the eye), because while there's bad blood between them there's no

disagreement in dogma. the catholics are drifting farther and farther away,

and protestants are shooting in all directions, united by nothing but

abstractions-- these days, not even united by a belief that Jesus Christ was

an actual person, much less that He is the Son of God born of the Virgin

Mary who was crucified for our sins and conquered death by rising from the

grave.

but, all that said, i know many genuine and committed Christians who are

protestant and catholic, and i have no desire to encourage them to change

confession and join the orthodox Church. once i became convinced of

orthodoxy's canonicity, i had no choice but to join. but a person can fully

be a Christian, fully work for the Lord, accept Christ's redemptive work,

and strive to become the perfect image of God, without ever making a step

towards joining the visible orthodox Church.

which is why, in a way, i feel bad about sending this email to you. you're

a committed believer, and you're following Christ. i encourage you to go to

the midnight Paskha service at the seoul cathedral not because i want to

pressure you towards orthodoxy, but because i think it will be a fascinating

cultural experience, that you'll see a dramatically different version of the

same worship that all Christians practice. but i hope that this email is in

no way proselytizing. as long as Christ is in our midst (and He has

promised to be with us always), His work will be done by those who follow

Him, regardless of their sect or denomination.

whew, that was a nice break from paper-writing. all the best to ye,

james


Monday, April 14, 2003

Since I know some of you are going to ask, I thought I’d write it up in one place some of the details of my chrismation.  This description is really giving the whole deal a short shrift, but I don’t suppose that can be helped.  I've been told 'tis dry, and likely is.  I'm not much one for personal detail.  It's a mystery, after all, and frankly to know what it feels like you'll just have to do it.  All I can give you is the mechanics.

 

Formally, the Antiochians require a minimum six month catechist.  This, of course, is negotiable, but the basic idea is to attend a catechism course and attend enough services to soak up Orthodoxy in a basic way.  I attended for 7 or 8 months and only went to about 3 of the classes.  The full “conversion” process is an act in three scenes.

 

First comes confession.  Confession for Orthodox is fairly simple and quite personal.  Formally, the penitent stands before the icon of Christ Pancrator, the priest at his side.  The priest is there as a witness, at times a “coach” or more aptly an advisor.  The confession is made directly to God, not to the priest, though the priest can interject questions to clarify the confession.  The mystery is one of the simplest in Orthodoxy, beginning with a simple one-sentence prayer of the penitent, followed by the recounting of sins, and a “catch-all” prayer to bring in unremembered or unnoticed sins.  He then kneels, and the priest places his stole (a garment sort of like a floor length bib symbolizing the cross of Christ carried by the priest) over his head and recites several prayers, including that of absolution.  For all its power and importance, confession is a simple, humble mystery.  It is the fulfillment of the epistolary command to confess ones sins to one another; the priest as leader of the parish witnesses the act on behalf of the congregation.  The heart, however, is ever before God, and indeed, pastorally speaking, the confession is deeper when the nervousness of repenting before a crowd is set aside.  Moreover, the priest as spiritual father can use the time as a chance to counsel.  The trappings and the prayers are there to focus our concentration upon the confession itself – we don’t have to think of what to say in prayer, or what to do afterwards.  As with all mysteries, however, it is not the form of ritual that empowers the deed, but rather there the content of the hearts of the participants.

 

Next is the chrismation itself.  It is a separate service, but mine took place before Vespers and almost immediately followed my confession.  For reasons I won’t go into here, I was received into Orthodoxy by chrismation under SCOBA’s extreme economia (don’t know about that? – don’t worry, am adding it for the benefit of people who’ve done too much research like me).  In the front center of the nave a table is placed, with a wooded cross, a gospel book, and some other things on it I didn’t notice.  It stood between Fr. Nicholas (the priest) and the front of the church (the iconostasis, where all the icons are).  He called me forward, along with my sponsors, who stood on either side of me.  Their role is to vouch for me and to support me – to literally hold me up if I were to need it.  (Now our relationship is like that to my parents: our children cannot marry, we pray for one another, I go to them for advice and help.)  First, the Trisagion prayers are said.  Next, Father asked me to confirm my desire to be received into the Church.  Upon my affirmation, we then read/recited the Nicene Creed.  Ff. Nicholas sang some prayers for me, calling up imagery of Old Testament anointings of kings and prophets.  Then the actual chrismation began.  The chrismation oil, called chrism, is made with olive oil and spices by the Patriarch of Antioch on Holy Thursday.  It symbolizes the Holy Spirit, passed down from one generation of Christians to the next.  (Don’t worry too much about that.)  Using a thin metal rod, he drew small crosses of oil: thrice on the forehead (in the center, above each eye); below each eye; upon each nostril; upon the upper lip; on each earlobe; the nape of the neck; the upper chest (the dent of the collar bone); each side of each hand; the top of each foot.  At each application he said, “The sign and the seal of the Holy Spirit,” (or something close thereto) and the people responded with a hearty “Seal!”  Thereafter, he “washed” me, by daubing each place marked with oil using a damp sponge.  A few more prayers were said (if I remember right), and then came the tonsuring.  The tonsuring is the first offering an Orthodox Christian makes to God; the hair is chosen because of its ancient association with life and vitality.  As such, it is symbolic of giving one’s life to the Lord.  A few snippets of a few strands were cut, that’s all.  Concluding prayers were said, and the service ended.  I was given a candle in there somewhere, but I don’t remember when.

 

Finally, communion.  I won’t give a full description of the Divine Liturgy, but simply the taking of communion itself.  The priest stand in the Holy Doors (in the very front center of the church), raises the Chalice, covered with a simple red cloth and a spoon jutting from it, and intones, “With the fear of God, with faith and love, draw near.”  He steps forward (and in my church’s case, down), two acolytes take the cloth and draw it beneath the Chalice.  They and then the altar boys commune.  Each person places his mouth near the Chalice, over the cloth, and the priest places a morsel of the Body & Blood (mixed together in the cup) in the parishioners mouth with the spoon.  Because I was the most recent Orthodox there, I was to commune first, right after the altar boys.  Thus, I stood at the very front, and could see things close up.  Frankly, and perhaps appropriately, the morsel, a hunk of wine sodden bread, looked like a quivering piece of chewed raw flesh.  Following communion and the priest’s immediate personal blessing, one heads to the side to take some prosphora bread (some find this bread to be the best thing about Orthodoxy…) and then back to ones place for the remainder of the liturgy.  I myself was somewhat disoriented – the liturgy had hardly seemed to take any time at all, and I stood there for a moment thickly holding my chrismation candle before gaining some sense of direction, handing the candle to my sponsors, and stepping up to the Chalice.  The sensation is hard to describe, and perhaps shouldn’t be.  The host itself had a sudden warm tingle, a kind of shock, but too slow to be electric.  My inner cynic, of course, says that’s the effect of alcohol upon the dry tongue.  I’ll leave it to you to decide what it was.

 

 

And that was it.  If there’s any questions, do let me know.


Sunday, April 13, 2003

Rethinking Regret

Let's thank our mistakes, let's bless them
for their humanity, their terribly weak chins.
We should offer them our gratitude and admiration
for giving us our clefts and scarring us with
embarrassment, the hot flash of confession.
Thank you, transgressions! for making us so right
in our imperfections. Less flawed, we might have
turned away, feeling too fit, our desires looking
for better directions. Without them, we might have
passed the place where one of us stood, watching
someone else walk away, and followed them,
while our perfect mistake walked straight towards us,
walked right into our cluttered, ordered lives
that could have been closed but were not,
that could have been asleep, but instead
stayed up, all night, forgetting the pill,
the good book, the necessary eight hours,
and lay there—in the middle of the bed—
keeping the heart awake—open and stunned,
stunning. How unhappy perfection must be
over there on the shelf without a crack, without
this critical break—this falling—this sudden, thrilling draft.


Elaine Sexton


The Lenten Prayer of St Ephraim the Syrian

O Lord and Master of my life, cast from me the spirit of sloth, despondency, lust for power and idle talk.
(Prostration)

But grant unto me, Thy servant, a spirit of chastity, humility, patience and love.
(Prostration)

Yea, O Lord and King, grant me to see my own faults and not to judge my brothers and sisters. For Thou art blessed unto ages of ages. Amen.
(Prostration)

O God, cleanse Thou me a sinner.


"No sin is so great it can conquer the munificence of the the Master. Even if one is a fornicator, or an adulterer...the power of the gift and the love of the Master are great enough to make all these sins disappear and to make the sinner shine more brightly than the rays of the sun....And Christ Himself, addressing the whole of hte human race, said, "Come to me, all you who labor and are burdened, and I will give you rest...And see whom He calls! Those who have spent their strength in breaking the law, those who are burdened with their sins, those who can no longer lift up their heads, those who are filled with shame, those who can no longer speak out. And why does he call them? Not to demand an account, not to hold court. But why? To relieve them of their pain, to take away their heavy burden. For what could ever be a heavier burden than sin? I shall refresh you who are weighted down by sin, He says, and you who are bent down as if under a burden; I shall grant you remission of your sins. Only come to Me!" - St. John Chrysostom on Repentance

Yes, I do have confession today. I covet your prayers.

God be gracious to me a sinner.


Thursday, April 10, 2003

And here, at last, is the Toe himself:

Hi guys, thanks a lot for your replies. ALthough i usually try to stray
from emails addressed to more than one person, i felt that my response
would be pretty similar to both of you, so i hope you don't mind.

To give some more background as to my original question of why i wanted
to find out what led you to the orthodox church. Over the past 4 years,
since rift, i've continued to attend protestant churches, and many
different ones. I can say, by the grace of God, that i have stayed close to
the Lord through my college life, at Bible college. And yet I've i've
heard of so many people, from rift, or in Bible school with me, that go
through a time of either 'putting xtianity in the closet' or a blatant
leaving of the faith, just a struggle.
Therefore, when i here of people who are making a steps forward in the
xtian journey, I get excited. That is the first reason why i asked, i
think it is wonderful that believers can share their spiritual journeys,
as they help both people to reflect and analyze their lives and see
many different things. We have so much to learn from each other about God.
To see how God has brought people to essentially the same place, the
cross, but in infinitely different ways is truly a testimony to the power
of God and his infinite wisdom, love, and creativity. He works with us
all on an individual basis. So to sum it up simply, i enjoy hearing of
people's stories (especially when they are people i know on a good
level) and how God has worked in their lives.
The other reason for my asking, is that I've thought a lot in this last
year about the concept of denominations. We've all heard of the
churches that say, "We are the only true church." Churches, "bickering and
arguing over who killed who." (okay, i threw in a movie line. I'll give
the answer at the bottom of the email. It's a classic.) Back to my train
of though. They make the statements that they are the only true church.
A bunch of bog in my mind. Churches have gotten in the battle for
people's mind. They want their churches to be full, b/c if they are, that
means they are successful. Along with north american theory of success
and meaning of it. It's garbage, and bog. However, to try and get back
to my point (I wandered kidogo), I came to the conclusion last year and
am still pressing it into my mind, that God doesn't want just the
Orthodox church, or the Pentecostal church, or the Baptist church, or the
Mennonite Brethren church.
Bear with me, i'm not so tech with words, so this may be a conch nini
to follow:

What is the chief end of man? To bring glory to God. What is the chief
goal of God? To bring glory to God. How does He do that? Through his
creation. Through the people he created.
So how do we bring glory to God, is it not through our worship of/to
Him, and our allegiance to him? And the beauty of it all, is that he
created all of us unique. We're all different. That's where i believe the
greatness of denominations comes into play. God wants us to worship Him
the way our bodies have been made to, by him. From what i heard from
both of you jamaas emails, is that somethign about the Orthodox church,
although not apparant at first, was something your body (body, soul,
mind, spirit) yearned for. It was a way that God became real. You also
found a church that met your needs. God reaches us in different ways, and
different denominational churches have their unique way of bringing
people together to worship God. Whether you are Baptist, Orthodox,
Mennonite, etc., we all worship the same God. That's where i've come to, and
i can finally, listen to fellow believer's stories, of joining a
church, and be thankful for how God has led them.

They key part of the church, is that it is the body of CHrist. Not just
the ORthodox, Pentecostal, etc., but all of them, as long as they do
hold to the central teachings of Christ. I won't get into those things,
but i think you understand where i'm goign, and where i've gone in this
email. I find encouragement in the fact that you have found God in a
fresh and life changing way and making this step of commitment. And i am
can honestly say that although we attend a different church, you are my
brothers in Christ! It's phenomenal. It really is.

Well, i'm not the writers you are, so this is probably dot, just like
my writing back at rift, but i hope you hear what i'm saying. I affirm
you guys in what your doing and how God is leading you on in your
journey.
Another question I guess, how does the Orthodox church see different
denominations? How do you see different denominations? I think probably
the best way to approach this woudl be if instead of just writing to me,
to both people, so you guys don't have to double up on stuff. I hope
you guys don't mind getting into this kind of dialogue.
Well, if you have more questions for me, or anything, drop a line. I
really thank you guys for takign the time to write.

Teaching is hilarious. Different every day. So days it's utter bog, and
i get home saying, "i wish I was done" and other days, i'm like,
"saaaaa."
As for language learning, (buddha was asking) i went hard core to learn
at first, but it takes sooo much time. I then had to figure out what
thigns i woudl assist me most when my contract finishes. I feel that i
will only be here this year, and so that made me question learnign
korean. It's ruthless hard, and right now, i can read it, and even that is a
struggle at times. I've decided to dedicate my time to other things,
mainly, discipline in my prayer life, adn other practical thigns,
memorization of scripture, and even practice guitar. One of the minor things
i've picked up is juggling, so i can now juggle and ride a unicycle. Oh
wazi.
It's kinda bog that i'm not learnign the language, and i do feel bad,
but i think that it just isn't worth it, b/c i won't use it again,
unless i'd go teach at rift, where chinkies are overrunnign the place. Well,
i'd better get going. Take care chaps.

Tavos

The movie is Monty Python and the Holy Grail if it had slipped your
mind.



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