I'm an Aggie fan (duh).  I'm a Dallas Cowboys fan.  I'm a Mavericks fan.  If I watch hockey, I'm a Stars fan.

Baseball confuses the heck out of me though.  My first real sports love was baseball.  It's the only sport I have played with any intensity, and I was good at it.  But when it comes to being a fan, I find myself really not rooting for any one team.  This is probably for a few reasons:

• I grew up loving the Phillies with my Dad.  Just part of living 60 miles from Philadelphia.  Thankfully the Eagles thing never stuck.
• We moved to Connecticut in August of 1986, where I picked up on the Mets (since my brother gravitated to the Red Sox, and we shared a like for opposites).  I was 9, and memorized their positions.  The Keith Hernandez 'stache is still the best in history - and he's still right about Willie Randoph (who was a Yankee anyhow).
• We moved to Dallas in November of 1989 (anyone remember 1-15?) where football is a religion, so I sort of left baseball behind.  I couldn't ever just get on the Rangers bandwagon. 

To further confuse things, I've been behind the Red Sox (yes...them) when they made their title run in '04.  I've been for the Cubbies since going to Wrigley two years ago (baseball Mecca).  And the Phils are still in my heart as a team I root for everytime I watch them.  And while I get excited to see guys like Josh Hamilton, Milton Bradley, and Ian Kinsler, I just can't bring myself to buy a hat and start drinking the Kool-aid.  I guess that makes me a bad Rangers fan.

Thing is, I don't really care.  I just don't care about the Rangers the way I care about the Cowboys or Aggies.  I suppose if I liked baseball a little more, I would.  I don't know. 

She's home...finally home.  Jacqueline left last Sunday for her Jr. High mission trip to Austin.  The kids were with me all week (except Monday and Friday when family watched them while I went to work).  She was home yesterday when I got home.  It was great.  A world without her is not a good place for me.  I love my kids, but I need to be with her.  My soul mate should be here with me.

I'm very proud of the work she did while she was down there.  She was smart enough to get hooked up with an organization who planned everything, so all they had to do was show up and work.  They had a great experience, and all of the kids and adult volunteers just thought this was the best trip they had been on in years (even beyond the former god-like-status youth director).  It makes me so happy to know that we are where we need to be.

Jacqueline leaves today for 5 days on Jr. High Mission trip.  They're going to Austin (see my post on the rings hell).  I wish them all the best, and I hope that she and the kids accomplish some of The Work that we are all called to.

This week could be interesting for me.  I have SIL (J's sister) coming to watch the kids tomorrow while I'm at work.  Tuesday thru Thursday I'm at home with them, and then Friday Dad is coming.  It's not my ideal situation, but when you're looking for all-day babysitting, you tend to work around family schedules.  I'm actually none too concerned with the kids.  They'll be fine.  I'm not concerned with Jen or Dad - they too will be fine.  It's me...I'm not ok.

I haven't been ok for probably three months.  I have successfully placed the weight of the world on my shoulders at work.  And I'm tired.  And I tend to not get it all done - or any of it done.  I go in waves of being organized and total chaos, where the wavelengths are way too short to make anything productive come of it.  J is not in a place where her dealing with my short temper, crankiness, and sleeplessness has taken a really negative toll on her.

So I got onto our insurance website to check on psychologists for me to go see - note I say psychologists.  Mood-altering medications scare me.  The last thing I need is another addiction.  Anyhow, there's about a gagillion of them on the plan both within minutes of work and minutes of home.  I sort of have to go by someone who has "after hours" time slots, so that's the starting place, but after that - how do you even choose a counselor?  I landed a great one at A&M through Student Counseling Services, but that was pure luck. 

Either way, I need help.  I can't keep going on the way I've been going.