maysummer69's Xanga

Pretty Frustrated

Fri, 30 May 2008 01:29:27 GMT

Yea I know, I said I wasn't going to spill my guts on here, but I needed an outlet to get to and I needed it to be away from my mother and since myspace and facebook are out of the question I had to come here. I'm frustrated beyond all belief. I don't know what to do either. Shane and I finally got the apartment and have been here for a few months. And that's all well and dandy, but it seems like my entire family is turning their back on me because I moved two hours away. Which in my opinion, I needed to do. There was no way I could stay in Delaware. I'd have suffocated. While things in Delaware with my family seem rough, there are a few friends from back home that I am completely reconnecting with. I mean I started talking to my beloved Casey again and I definitely miss hanging out with her. Then there is Matt. Yes, my ex, but it's completely different. We've both grown from our mistakes and we know that we can be friends. As far as Sara, Matt's girlfriend, and I being friends, well I doubt that'll happen. But for right now she's ok with me and Matt talking and Shane's ok with me and Matt talking.

Wildfire's series finale was Monday and that ended pretty cool. If ABC Family was to pick it up, there is a way they could do it, but they also ended it so that it could just end. Pretty much Kris and Junior got married. Pablo and Jean are dating, and well Matt and Dani are fooling around but not exactly dating. Pablo and Jean ended up giving Wildfire to Kris as a wedding present. Mainly because she is now the girl who has everything, and a girl who can't cook. But Wildfire was Kris's best friend. So they gave him to her. Kris and Junior got married and it ended right after the vows.

Dancing with the Stars ended the week before that and I must say that I was the happiest person in the world that Tuesday. Ok for all of you who don't know, I absolutely love Mark Ballas. And I've been rooting for him since last season when he was with Sabrina Bryan. So when I found out he was with Kristi Yamaguchi, I was stoked. So they had been the front runners all season. They were NEVER in the bottom two (Which I think is a Dancing first) and they had the highest scores EVER. And they won. I was happy and exstatic. Which I can never get enough of Mark. Through DWTS, I fell in love with Mark's band Almost Amy. They are freaking incredible. If you get the chance definitely go onto myspace, look them up and listen. It's him and Derek Hough. And well they have become my favorite band next to Three Days Grace.

So I'm rediscovering my love of music and just how passionate I used to be about it. For the longest time I gave up on it because well I didn't think that it was what I wanted to do with my life. However, just looking back there are days when I think I made the right decision and there are other days when I think I was completely wrong. I mean the days I think I made the right decision seem to be more often than not, but I still get the thought that if I studied Music then I would have killed myself and would have become a prefectionist with it. However, the days I think I should have studied it are the days when I am really down about this whole college thing. But that is an entirely different story in and of itself.

A Total Revamp

Wed, 12 Mar 2008 17:22:10 GMT

Ok so I haven't been on here to say that I am back together with Shane so there... And we're engaged... yep it finally happened. We originally set the date as November 21, 2009 but we both agree and have decided to push it back all the way until June 26, 2010. Yep... that's a long way away. But I'm not gonna spill my guts about things on here anymore... for the most part it's just gonna be with quotes from tv shows and movies that I love. This one will be all Wildfire. I love the show... most of the quotes are Junior Davis quotes, but he's the king of one liners on that show so you gotta love him for that... so enjoy some of my favorite Junior quotes!

Junior to Kris: Yeah, well maybe you need more friends.

Junior to Kris while getting ready to have sex: It was a horse. Can you believe it?

Junior to a Horse after being asked to help by Kris: Primrose, I don't know about you, but I feel used.

Junior to waitress: What? I'm fine.

Junior to Matt: Tell her to join the club. Literally.

Junior to Matt at the race: Couldn't decide where to sit?

Junior to Matt after both horses place: 1st and 2nd, You're the king! You see this guy? He's the king!

Junior to Dani: I save all my best stuff for you

Junior to Dani: Thank you for not being a bitch

Junior to Kris in his Porsche: Kris, Hey remember that time when our lives were falling apart we talked about just getting in a car and driving away together? What? Kris you already told me how you feel!

Junior to Kris at Flame's first race: Look it's our baby.

    Junior: That's what I thought I had with Laura, but that's the reason I broke it off because I've been missin that too. And once you've had a connection like that, you know in your heart when you just aren't feeling it because it's not right.
    Kris:    We're not right either.
    Junior: I don't believe it and I know you don't either
    Kris:   Everyone including Congressman Nichols knows the real reason you called off your wedding is because of me. And I know you didn't mean to hurt anyone, but you did. I mean we both did and there are paybacks for those kinds of mistakes. Just ask Laura's dad. With one phone call to the racing board and he made sure of that.
    Junior: Laura's father called... I'm so sorry. All I wanted was to tell the truth. You knew even before I could admit to myself. I'm still in love with you.

Junior to Dani after seeing Kris and Matt at the Bar: Maybe I've been wrong about this all along. Maybe those two are meant to be together.

Junior to Ken after Ken reminds him of stuff to do at the track: I heard you the 4th, 5th, and 6th times dad.

Junior to Matt at the track: So go figure the Hatfield and McCoys at it again.

Junior to Matt after Matt says Junior throws like a girl: Coming from you that's a compliment

Junior to Matt after Matt mentions his wedding: You mean the wedding that wasn't

Junior to Matt after Matt asks to drive the Porsche: Don't Push it

Junior to Kris: That's funny. Looks exactly what I think

Junior to no one after being frustrated by Kris: Eat that I throw like a girl!

Junior to Pablo: Okay. How come every time I talk to you about Kris I feel like I'm asking a dad to go out with his daughter?

    Pablo: You love her?
    Junior: More than you could imagine.
    Pablo: Then do something about it.

Junior to Kris after he realizes he was a jerk: I just came to apologize for yesterday. On a scale of 1 to 10 my idiot quota was a 15.

Junior to Kris when he finally gets her to listen to him: We've been through a lot. Together and apart. But before my... THE wedding, you told me we had a connection. And not just a connection, but THE connection. The one people spend their whole life trying to find. And yeah I know I ignored it and told you we couldn't be friends after I got married but if you recall I also kissed you. And not just kissed you, but KISSED you. Big. So big that I carried it with me all the way to the alter. I've screwed up a million times with us. So I just have to ask you. I just need to know if we have a future together?

    Junior: Got a minute?
    Dani: Uh, is this about dad?
    Junior: Dad? No.
    Dani: Oh well okay then. What?
    Junior: It's Kris. I think we're finally getting back together for real this time.
    Dani: Okay. Well I knew you guys would end up together. Even when I was totally against it.
    Junior: So do we get the Dani Davis seal of approval?
    Dani: Does it matter what I think? Go ahead. Be happy for a change.
    Junior: I can't believe with everything we've gone through, this is actually gonna happen.
    Dani: Oh don't kid yourself. There is still plenty to go through. There's Dad and Matt.
    Junior. Yeah. Pretty much everyone. But I don't care. I feel like I've been waiting for this my entire life. All I want to do is just be with Kris.
    Dani: You don't even realize it do you? You never know when it can all just disappear. I had it with RJ and it was taken away from me in an instant.
    Junior: Well what about Noah?
    Dani: It's different. I mean RJ was the one. Don't be an idiot and let her slip through your fingertips this time. Life's too short.
    Junior: Okay. I won't.

Junior to Kris: How could you live at Raintree if you're with me? Well what if you didn't live at Raintree? What if
you lived with me? Marry me. We talked about getting in my car and driving away. What if we actually did? I know it's crazy and scary, but I wanna be with you now. Forever. Marry me Kris.

Junior to Ken after him and Kris decide to run away at 6: Dad I would love to take a trip down nostalgia road but I got plans

Junior to Dani after Ken tells him his plans can wait: Finally. Tell Dad I officially saw you.

Junior to Ken after Dani says she doesn't want to be Junior's rival: You coulda fooled us.

Junior to Kris after he arrives late to run away together: I'm sorry. I got here as soon as I could.

Junior to Kris on the set of her commercial: Oh my god! It's Kris Furillo! Will you sign my chest please!

Junior to Kris after she kisses the actor: I felt like kicking his ass.

Junior to Kris after their kiss at the commercial shoot: I miss you. Come over my house for dinner. Yes you can. Okay I'll see you at 7.

Junior to Kris after she calls him to help her move the hay into the barn: Yeah. Like a kidney or two.

Junior to Dani after she describes the perfect scary movie scene: Hey look! An axe!

Junior to Dani after Ken leaves Junior 51% of Davis farms and Dani 49%: Because he's a manipulative ass!

Junior to Dani after he find out Ken paid his mother $500,000 to leave: We're better off without them Dani.

Junior to Dani after they see Gillian kissing Matt in the elevator: Dani? Ok you got two options. Say the word and I'll go tacle the bitch, rip up the papers, and we're back to mucking stalls. No harm, lots of foul. Or you can forget how you feel about Matt and focus on having a winning stable and go ahead with the deal.

No more

Sat, 07 Jul 2007 08:45:22 GMT

Ok so Shane and I aren't dating... I guess that's all I need to say... what happened between the two of us is too long of a story for right now, IM me if you wanna know what it was.

I hate this

Thu, 28 Jun 2007 23:59:11 GMT

FYI for those of you who don't know... I was wrong... Benoit killed his family... so I give up... and then I hate being in Delaware... thought you should know that... Bye

RIP Chris Benoit

Tue, 26 Jun 2007 00:11:36 GMT

Ok so any fan of WWE now knows that Chris Benoit, his wife Nancy, and their son Daniel were found dead in their Atlanta home this afternoon. First of all I send my condolences to the Benoit family. As soon as I found out I went over to the house and told my sister that I knew how he died. It was a double murder suicide. The worst part was, that it wasn't a gut feeling. It was a CJ thing. As a Criminal Justice major you are taught to look at every little detail. Something that stuck out in my mind was that last night Chris Benoit was supposed to wrestle at Vengance, but got called home because of a family emergency. Then this afternoon he is found dead. That was my one and only tip off that I needed. Immediately my sister said no that can't happen. Do you honestly think that Chris Benoit would kill his family. I looked at her and said no I don't think he killed them. I think she killed them. She said it wasn't possible. I said yes it is... Look at all the stress that a wife of a WWE wrestler goes through... it's just like the stress of a celebrity marriage. I mean look at all of the celebrity murder/suicides, especially if the husband is the celebrity and the wife isn't. Things happen and the wives go crazy. So they kill their husbands and any family members... So yea, with my CJ knowledge I came to the conclusion that Chris Benoits death was a double murder suicide... so I looked on WWE.com just to see if they had anything up regarding the untimely death and their number one headline is DOUBLE MURDER SUICIDE... tell me how crazy it was for me to know that... And please don't tell me that my CJ skills are coming to use, it's an entire me picking up on vibes... Thanks a lot Hautned PA... I dunno... They haven't announced if he was murdered or if he committed suicide. But my guess is that he was murdered. Give it time and I'll update you to let you know if I was right or wrong.

Eastern State

Sun, 17 Jun 2007 00:06:05 GMT

Oh yea, ok so for about two weeks ago we went to Eastern State Penitentiary in Philadelphia for my Hunted PA class. The cool part about it was that I was the reason we went. The entire class seemed interested in going, but it was thought that we wouldn't be able to go. Then I pointed out that they do private tours. So we got to go. It was an AMAZING experience. I've been dying to go for a few years now and as soon as we walked up to the prison I was in love. I knew that the reason I had fallen in love with the prison was because it was haunted. But I loved it. I mean it was this huge place that you could just walk around in and get the weirdest feeling. It was cool because Shane was there. We went down cellblock 7 and that was the weirdest experience ever. The first time we went down, I only got about half way down before I felt this really weird feeling. My chest and feet got so heavy. I just turned around and went back to the rotunda. Natalie and I decided to go see Al Capone's cell. That was awesome. Then I decided to try again and go back down cell block 7. But they also let us climb the stairs to the second floor. However, we couldn't go down the hall. But I still went up. And that was a freaky experience. Then I went back down the cellblock and just started taking pictures. Then Shane started telling me to take pictures. Well a bunch of orbs were showing up. It was cool. But that was Eastern State... I gotta run but it was an amazing experience.

Monday, June 04, 2007

Mon, 04 Jun 2007 03:31:30 GMT

Ok so answer me this question: why the hell do I torture myself? I've been with Shane for well over a year... and I knew that when we got together there was this other girl in the picture whom he loved. And I know he loved her. He was very up front about it. He just got tired of her playing games with him and decided he wanted someone in PA not Missouri. But I was ok with this. I knew the situation when I got into the relationship. All of you should know this... it's already up here. Well I've been suffering from what I think is insomnia for the past 6 or 7 months so I haven't been getting to bed any earlier than 230 if I'm lucky. Well right now that's the situation. I can't sleep and I figured I'd pop over here for a visit since I'm never on. I never update. But I decided to go check out Shane's page. And well... yea. I have no idea why, but all of a sudden I'm jealous of Suzy (Missouri). Yes I said it. I'm jealous of her again. And it's not because of anything new. There are just a few posts that I read from back in 2005 that hit me and I don't like them. I already have to ask him to pull one of my favorite songs off of his Ipod... He put it up on a blog and dedicated it to her. I can never enjoy that song ever again. But there were just posts that he would make that would say to the one I love, you know who you are. Or something like that. And he has only done it for me because we fight. The one time he did it he posted Afterglow. But that was because I posted something that spelled out my insecurities. And I guess now they are all coming back. The thing with Shane and Suzy is that they never had a physical relationship. They fell in love with each other on pure personality. Shane and I will never have what they have. And as much as I hate to admit it, I'm scared to death that one day he's gonna get pissed off because I will not let up on this engagement thing (no it hasn't happened yet), and walk away. That I'm not as scared about, I'm deathly afraid that he's gonna run back to her and realize that she's the one for him. I dunno... I think I have a lot of thinking to do tonight when I go to bed... *sigh*

Time After Time~ Sugar Ray or Cyndi Lauper... take your pick
Lying in my bed I hear the clock tick and think of you
Caught up in circles
Confusion is nothing new
Flashback, warm nights
Almost left behind
Suitcase of memories
Time after
Sometimes you picture me
I'm walking too far ahead
You're calling to me, I can't hear
What you've said
Then you say, "go slow"
I fall behind
The second hand unwinds
If you're lost you can look and you will find me
Time after time
If you fall I will catch you I'll be waiting
Time after time
If you're lost you can look and you will find me
Time after time
If you fall I will catch you I will be waiting
Time after time
After my picture fades and darkness has
Turned to gray
Watching through windows
you're wondering if I'm OK
Secrets stolen from deep inside
The drum beats out of time
If you're lost you can look and you will find me
Time after time
If you fall I will catch you I'll be waiting
Time after time
You say "go slow"
I fall behind
The second hand unwinds
If you're lost you can look and you will find me
Time after time
If you fall I will catch you I'll be waiting
Time after time
If you're lost you can look and you will find me
Time after time
If you fall I will catch you I will be waiting
Time after time
Time after time
Time after time
Time after time
Time after time
Time after time
Time after time
Time after
Time after

More Than Words~ Extreme or Westlife... again take your pick
Sayin' I love you
Is not the words I want to hear from you
It's not that I want you
Not to say it, but if you only knew
How easy it would be to show me how you feel
More than words is all you have to do to make it real
Then you wouldn't have to say that you love me
Cause I'd already know

What would you do if my heart was torn in two?
More than words to show you feel
That your love for me is real
What would you say if I took those words away?
Then you couldn't make things new
Just by saying I love you

(la di da, blah di da da dada)
More than words
(lad di da da di da)

Now that I've tried to talk to you and make you understand
All you have to do is close your eyes
And just reach out your hands and touch me
Hold me close don't ever let me go
More than words is all I ever needed you to show
Then you wouldn't have to say that you love me
Cause I'd already know

What would you do if my heart was torn in two?
More than words to show you feel
That your love for me is real
What would you say if I took those words away?
Then you couldn't make things new
Just by saying I love you

(la di da da di da di da da da)
More than words
(la di da da di da di da da da)
More than words
(la di da da di da di da da da)
More than words
(la di da da di da di da da da)

la di da da da da

More than words
Ooooohhhhhhh ooooohhhhhhh

More than.... Words

Why does the world do this to me?

Thu, 05 Apr 2007 11:43:02 GMT

Does the world hate me or something? Did I do something to deserve this hell that I am going through? Shane and I have been going back and forth about this whole engagement thing. He wants to marry me, but he doesn't want to go out and do the act of getting engaged. Well it's been reaching a boiling point and I think today it may have hit the biggest point of them all. I asked him why he wasn't ready and this is the response I got:

Baby Bear: im not ready for the reason that i want you to the point where you aren't begging me to do it. for once i want someone to trust me. I know you trust me, but with this issue, it seems like you dont. I have to go now, so ill call you when i get outta work. i love you, see ya then, bye pidge

Well I have one thing to say to that and that's a nice little rebuttal. Why don't you trust me enough to want to do this? Why do you make me beg and plead for something that we both want? It's not fair to me for you to say I want to be with you but I'm not ready and the reason I'm not ready is because you keep begging and pleading. Well maybe if you trusted me and trusted my love for you then maybe we would be together. But that's rediculous. Because obviously it's all me who is making you not ready. You're not to blame for any of this. Fuck it. I'm not ready for this and I hate you right now.

Chevelle The Red

They say freak
When your singled out
The red...
It filters through

So lay down
The threat is real
When his sight
Goes red again

Seeing red again

This change
He won't contain
Slip away
To clear your mind
When asked
What made it show?
The truth
He can't send to most

So lay down
The threat is real
When his sight
Goes red again

So lay down
The threat is real
When his sight
Goes red again

Seeing red again
Seeing red again
Seeing red again
Seeing red again
Seeing red again
Seeing red again
Seeing red again
Seeing red

They say freak
When your singled out
The red....
It filters through

Lucifer's Angel

Fri, 02 Mar 2007 21:03:29 GMT

Not really in the mood to update with new info on the life. Granted it's still Shane and I fighting... We've been fighting since Valentine's day... yes I know this pretty much has been one month of fighting... but hey we have had a few major breakthroughs... we both have stuff we need to work on and we know that. Right now that's our goals. We're working on ourselves. He has committment issues and I just have issues. My issues are not important to anyone else other than me and Shane. Granted I did find out that his dad feels uncomfortable around me. Which made me start crying in Shane's arms. I don't want his dad to feel weird around me. Especially after everything I went through to make things ok with his mom. But that's a story for another time. Here's an AWESOME song that I am addicted to... Shane can attest to it.

RASMUS
Lucifer's Angel

Behind those eyes lies the truth and grief
Behind those beautiful smiles I've seen tragedy
The fallen skin hides the secrets within
The silent forces that secretly ignite your sins

Fly away, fly away
From the darkened blade
They haunt you
Lucifer's Angels
You never lived, you never died
Your life has been denied
They call you
Lucifer's Angel

Beyond these clouds you can hide all your tear
Beyond this world you'll be safe from their wicked fears
And in their hearts they fear your demand
You know their minds won't accept you, they'll never understand

Fly away, fly away
From the darkened blade
They haunt you
Lucifer's Angels
You never lived, you never died
Your life has been denied
They call you
Lucifer's Angel

On your own I know you can make it
You'll go far? I know you can shake it
Survive alone I know you can take it

Fly away, fly away
From the darkened blade
They haunt you
Lucifer's Angels
You never lived, you never died
Your life has been denied
They call you
Lucifer's Angel

Fly away, fly away
Run away, run away
Hide away, hide away
Lucifer's Angel
(x3)

I don't get it

Thu, 15 Feb 2007 10:38:06 GMT

Ok so my best friend is getting engaged. My roommate is engaged as of last night. Another roommate of mine has been engaged for a few months. You would think that maybe just maybe it's my turn right? Nope. Apparently Shane's gonna be a dick about it and say that it needs to wait until he's ready. Well if he's not ready then maybe he should have never told me he wanted to get married. I don't get it... Don't play with my mind and tell me things when you're not ready to admit them yourself

Prelude 12/21 by A.F.I.

This is what I brought you, this you can keep
This is what I brought, you may forget me
I promise to depart, just promise one thing
Kiss my eyes, and lay me to sleep

This is what I brought you, this you can keep
This is what I brought, you may forget me
I promise you my heart, just promise to sing
Kiss my eyes and lay me to sleep
Kiss my eyes and lay me to sleep

This is what I thought of, thought you’d need me
This is what I thought, so think me naive
I promise you a heart, you promise to be
Kiss my eyes and lay me to sleep
Kiss my eyes and lay me to sleep
Kiss my eyes and lay me to… sleep.