| | AbuseOftentimes we hear of women (and men's) stories of emotional and physical abuse and ask ourselves, "Why don't they just leave?"
My cousin--a domestic violence counselor--relayed to me this story (which I've heard before used in a different context).
When a frog jumps into a pot of boiling water, it immediately jumps out.
However, when it jumps into tepid water, and the burner slowly heats
the water, the frog will stay there. Pretty soon, the water is boiling,
and the frog doesn't realize it's dying.
Many victims of abuse--once they leave their abusers--will wonder how
they got there. It's like they've been asleep through it all. There are
many
factors that contribute to abuse, but really, if we come across a
violent person, we certainly wouldn't date him or her right away,
right? Of course not! We wouldn't want to jump into a pot of boiling
water!
Abusers will appear very charming. They will tell you what you want to
hear. You'll think--"this is everything I've ever dreamed of!"
Then the hypnosis begins. We become mesmerized...enmeshed. The abuser
isolates her victim from supportive friends and family. The abuser
discredits anyone who threatens her victim.
Then the abuse begins. The abused rationalizes it the first few times.
"He/she didn't mean it...I mean, he/she told me later how much she
loves me!" We get the idea that we can "help" the abuser through
whatever problem he/she has that feeds the abuse. We tell ourselves,
"If I can just get these things out of her/his way, things will be
fine. It'll be just like when we first met."
Meanwhile, those who love the victim can't understand why the victim
stays. We say, "How many times does she have to pull a gun out on you
before you get shot?" His answer? "Well, the gun wasn't loaded!"
A victim of abuse will always return to his/her abuser until the victim
reaches such dire circumstances--the boiling water--that he/she will
say, "Enough."
And the worst part of it is...it's difficult to watch the frog die in
that pot of boiling water because your own hands could get burned.
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| | Posted 6/20/2007 11:06 AM - 8 comments
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