I MOVED.

Please change all yours link to: http://xanga.com/lilshortidanser

thank you =)

Mood:

BUHA. I finally finally updated! And with a new layout! It's sasuke-kun! WAI. I just read and watched a series, NARUTO. And I wub it so far. My fav character? Can't you see? It's Sasuke!  I know a lot of people don't like him because he's cold/mean. But thats what makes me like him...even though he does become evil!!....T_T

Lets see.....ok, so far....life? It sucks. I felt like crying the othe day in hon hum because my grade sucks and i felt like a failure. I tried so hard to improve my grades, but sometimes, it's not you who brings it down but other people around you. Ugh. I'm scared of my parents went they get my report card, WAH. They're gonna kill me...like literally. I'm so serious.....my mom already knows and is quiet about it...which is very bad. But my dad, gets ULTRA mad....oh boy, I don't want to go home.

Oh, btw, I'm not even at home, I'm at Washington D.C. Yup! All the way till Thursday!! Which is half good, half not. Bad-> when i get home, not enough days to do my hw. Good->.....there is not god side to goin home. XD.

Okay, lately, I've had ULTRA bad luck. And i'm not joking!! Do you want to hear them? ok, lets start on friday!! Here's the list, all the way up to this moment.

Friday--
-Did horrible on my Physics quiz, I had no idea what I was doing
-God DBQ from APEC back and I did horrible. *sigh*
-Did horrible on my Hon him test, and essay, I had no idea what I was writing
-I sucked at playing violin, and stop dissing Sasuke *points*
-LOST my fantasia 2000 dvd (I need it because we have a 10-page essay thing in hon hum, and i'm using that dvd to analyze. I was suppose to pack it so I can watch it on the vacation, but guess what, IT'S NOT IN MY BACKPACk. looked all over for it and noticed i must have lost it at skewl somewhere. VERY VERY bad. Another bad thing is that it's my uncle's and i promised him I wouldn't lost it since i lost his other dvd.  OMG, I was crying cuz i tried so hard to find it, my parents were yelling at em, and I felt like fate doesn't want me to get a good grade.)
Sat---
-On the way to the airport, i brought along my mom's laptop so i can watch Naruto on the plane. She yelled at me for bringing such a heavy thing and took it away.
-I wore a jeans that had a attached belt....and that belt had metal on it....so alarm turned on when I past the luggage pass thing. -__-'' first time this happened to me. When the alarm sounded off, the guard was like "take your belt off and put it in there" and i'm like "........uh.....it's attached to my pants" And so I had to follow another guard and he had inspect me.....perfect. i hated it.
-Thinking it couldn't get worse, the AC broke so we were dying of heatness.
-on the plane, i noticed my uncle brought his laptop, so i began to watch Naruto.....and it ran out of batteries right away. Thanks.
-arrived at Baitmore, went to hour hotel......uh, when we booked for it, it said that it was redesigned, rededicated, very nice. We came.....lights were flickering, it smelled, ugh. We went in the elevator, smells like someone peed in there. eww.
-Went in our room, it was A LOT more different than the pics they showed. It was small, there were holes in the ceiling, it smelled like smoke *even if it SAYS non smoking*, bathroom was dirty, we didn't even want to touch anything!
-we went to a chinese restruant to talk it over on wat to do about the hotel room because it looked horrible.
-Had lectures from the people there saying that we COULD go to Washington *since we're in Baltimore* and get a hotel there, but it's dangerous, everyone gets robbed there everyday. UHhh....that makes us feel better.
--TOday
-Went back to hotel, stayed for one night, we had no choice. my uncle called anpother hotel and booked it for the next night. We spoke to the current hotel, and they won't let my aunt take a refund. -_-
-After some arguing, my aunt got a refund, we got out of that hotel as soon as possible. later, while eating. I noticed i left my necklace at the hotel. Yay. I liked that too.
-Took us 3 hours to find the freakin hotel!! My uncle asked the police, but he accidently pointed to the wrong hotel to show us directions too!! -_-
-We found the hotel and it was SO MUCH BETTER. Everything was beginning to turn around, we were happy. My mom bought another fantasia dvd, so she said. YAY.
-We freshened up, about to leave for dinner.....then one of the hotel rooms caught on fire and the alarm went off, they told everyone to get off th hotel. So went in the elevator, and right when we did, they said "please do not use the elevators, they can be dangerous" and we're like ".....oh crap." We went outside of the hotel where there are other customers there. Firetrucks came, police. -_-
-We went out the ear while that was happening since we didn't wanna wait, hoping everything will be okay. We didn't know where to go, after we ate, we walked around and got lost. XD. Took us awhile to get back to the car. T
-Took us 2 hours to get back to the hotel, we couldn't find it again....-_-
-back to the hotel, YAY, nothing in our room burned down.

And here I am, typing this....I just finished watched 2 hours of Naruto. I'm up to episode 69! Yay. oh crap, Sasuke is so freakin awesome when he comes back with those black clothes and new moves. I wub him. XP.

Ok, i'm gonna watch one more episode and then get myself to sleep, it's already midnight here, and tomorrow....we're hoping for no more bad luck....my aunts were thinking of throwing me out because whenever i tag along....bad things happened. -_-'''.

Ah...I'll make a profile pic when I get home, btw. ja!

Mood:

Ugh, I feel so out of it @_@ Life stinks. Sorry for not bloggin, I am so busy, and just....stressed

Physics sucks! The mid-term was on thursday, and on wednesday, i studied my butt off, righ tfrom when i got home still 2am. I got tutored online, asked them abotu problems i can't do. But for some reason, I keep having to asking them on how to do it. Well, when they tell me, I know what to do but I cna't do a single problem by myself, not a single problem! I was so mad on the midterm day, i fel tso frustrated because I didn't know what to do. I was so screwed. I failed so bad that it's not even funny anymore.

Well, a good point is at the orchestra festival we got a U superior, yayy! I like the food there, I still need to pay you back, vivi! ^^ ienno if I should continue orch next year though because I want to fill all my credit so I can be relazin in senior year *sigh* I hate school, causes so much stress

Ok, today, was the Dance Dress reharsal, and if we don't have a "successful" reharsal then we have to keep doing it till we get it right and then we get to perform. They gave us a piece of paper for each different dance *class* and what we need to do with our hair, what make up to buy, what tights, shoes, etc. I knew about dress reharsal last minute, so it was today *its saturday just to tell you*, and om friday is when i asked my mom to take me to buy the tights and makeup. But my mom was like "why do we need to buy the exact ones they say on paper? just buy the cheapest one, whats the different? Why buy this makeup? just look at the color and see what we got at home" and such, i argued, but i decided to just agress because "mother knows best" *rolls eyes*

But guess what, I came to class.....and the teacher told me i have to do a total dress reharsal next week AGAIN. Becuse i didnt get the righ tmake up, tights, not enough gel in mmy hair, etc. IT MADE ME SO TICKED. And the thing is, not everyone needs to re=do next week, only me, jaime, and another girl. I dont wanna do it again!! urggaa

ok, enough with that, i'm already mad. I have a bunch more dress reharsal's comin up too. *sigh* Something wrong with me, I'm listening to classical music, and i'm studying when i'm bored and I don't want to play sims2. whats happening?! *sigh* parents, friends, school, dance=total meltdown.

Good news: the total re-do of my room is finished!! wahooo!! It's so great, i love it now ^_^ Now I can have my room back and not sleep with my aunt!

P.S I fyou havn't noticed i changed the song ^_^

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Edit~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I would jus tlike to say thank you to everyone who commented on my last entry, it really meant something! ^_^ Everyone who tried to help me, commenting on my xanga or not, I wub you! *hugglez* Now THOSE are ppl who care ^^

Mood:

Why can't I just live my life the way I want to....and why do I always end up crying alone....

I want to be myself, thats all I want. I want to be like i am to my family, i want to feel carefree to everyone else I know. I want to be.....me. But why can't I? When I'm at school, I am someone I don't even know. Why am I like that? When I'm home, thats when I'm Ruby Hongngoc Le. The loud, spirited, hyper, happy girl. When I'm school I'm the small, weak, shy, quiet, cold girl. Not saying hi to anyone. But when I'm at home, or when I'm somewhere far away where no one knows me...I say hi to everyone. Every person who walks by, i go "HHHIII!". Yes, thats my real me. But when I'm at school, or here in San Diego, I walk with my head down, shy, and when people look at me, I'm afraid.....afraid of what they might be thinking.

Yes, I am really afraid of what people think. I always care. And I wish I didn't. My brother, he has no friends, and during lunch, he sits by himself, and when he's done eating, he walks in the same spot back and forth. When i hear that, i feel bad for him, he'd feel so alone. But he said this "I don't care. I like doing it, and i don't sitting alone. I don't care what the people around me say. if I'm fine with it, then it's ok. I don't care what people think". And at that moment was the first time when I wanted to be like him. If I didn't care what people thought and just be myself, I would be so much better and happier. And more people would like me. But, no...i jus have to be so cold. you see, the only reason why I don't say hi first is because i'm afraid of what people say in their mind "why is she saying hi to me?" "she's weird, i just won't say hi". stuff like that, or maybe they not saying hi back to me. Yeah, rejection, mostly. And negative thoughts, even if i'm filled with them.

I know for one thing is that I am better now than I was before. I think in middle school, I did not say hi to anyone who sat next me and i jus sat there, minding my own business, letting people come ot me. but now, in class, i talk to whoever is around me.

I think im afraid of what people think now because of my past. When i was in elementary school....imagine it, i must have looked REALLY REALLY small. Well, i was. VERY small. And because of that, people thought i was weak and can't do anything. So i was always picked last in P.E and when a team loses, they blame me....even the teacher. I always would walk and hear people whisper to each other how small i was and they can just smoosh me if they didn't look where they were going. By then, i was so hurt and just stopped participating in activites like i use to. Becuz whe i first started school, i was very..."WAHH! ME ME! PICK ME!" but after 4th grade, i was very silent.

But anyway, i wanted to change. I didn't wnt to look so small anymore, i wanted to hink postive, that was my first step. I didn't need to be quiet happy and such yet. I just wanted me to stop looking down *thanks to rach* and wanted to look strong. And it was working. I tried not to look down, and think postive....and right when it was working....the past repeated itself again...

A couple weeks ago, i was walking to my next class, and i heard people whispering to each other "oh, man, look at that small girl, hahah" and such, but i didn't care, i was jus like "let them think what they want" and that was good! so i didnt' let it get to me....but fate blew a big one at me.

On that same day, i was checked out early, so i got out of skewl when some had off-roll. So when i was walking out, these bunch of tall basketball, and friends were behind me. And they were talking loud like they wanted to hear me, saying "whoa! look at how small she is!" "i know! i bet, if i sit down, she would be the same height and when i stand up, i'll look down and be like 'whoooaa' hahahah!" "man, she would be so easy to smoosh, if i didn' tknow where i was going, i could!" <-(sound familar?) "she's so tiny, it's so pathetic". They kept talking and talking and talking, and when i finally walked away from them, i can hear them laughning.

It hurt so much, i wanted to cry. I told myself not to care, but i did and it was so hard to miss especially when they WANT you to hear when they're teasing you.  i was so struck, and it went back to down hill from there.

why can't i just be me? Any....any one of you who see me as a boing person, who doesn't participate in anything and doesn't talk at all, or isn't sociable, THEN YOU DONT KNOW ME. you really don't. I know a lot of you think that because thats the way i act. When i talk, i feel like no one understands or they don't take it into consideration. If you don't know me and don't understand me, and first impression is "she's so small....i wouldn't think twice of being close to her". Then back off because i don't want friends who counts on looks only and don't care and don't wanna know who i really am. Yes, EVERYONE counts on looks. Its a human thing. But when people who go "hah, she's hot, i wanna be her bf" "ew, she's ugly, i dont want to talk to someone like that" i hate it. i hate it.

I feel like....the onyl two bff i had that actually saw the...true me....i feel like, i lost them. either they're not my friend, which i feel TOTAL guilt to and wish i wasnt so stupid.....or they're just....not close to me anymore....even though i still see her everyday.....it's not the same anymore.....

i need a friend....who accepts me for who i am, makes me feel comfortable, and listens..........and i think i screwed up the only real friends i had....

*siiiigghhh* phew, i got that all out! If you read that all......*smiles* thanks, you're my friend....^^ especially if you comment too, THATS someone who listens.....uh. reads.

i would just like to say THANK YOU TO JASMINE! and OLIVIA who i currently feel total comfortableness and like they are people who i can talk to and they will be there everyday so i can talk to them. Thanks you girls ^_^ i wub u.

Mood:

Whoooaa! I actually updated! Bye anyway, this xanga is alive again! I've decided to put it back on because when I update my blog, I only intend for my internet friends to read it, not my actually....real life...outside friends. XD. So I said "hey, thats not cool, I want some of them to know my life....but not all" So I decided to bring this back to life for my school people to come and such. Yay! XD. Sorry this new look sucks, i was trying something new and well...didn't work out as I planned, I'll do something with it some other time.

Right now...Hey look, my grandma's 71st bday was last saturday and it was really big, i taught my lil cousins a dance to perform for her. I was in it too of course  It was a chinese dance and we used fans and wore chinese stuff, it was awesome. Buahah, check it out, I can chereograph...uh, make up a routine for a chinese dance! Teehee. I love to dance.

My mom put my hair in pigtails and currled that day because well, all girls are suppose to and look wut i look like:

Heh, i look like a 12 year old again....make that 10. And i'm ugly. -_- XXDD.

uhhhhh......nothing else to say, i'll talk more about it on the next entry, when im done studying @_@ see you next time with a longer post!