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Thursday, July 03, 2008

ooo

after looking through my previous xanga entries, i remembered Colorgenics tests!! those things were so cool... take a test!!

Colorgenics quiz:

http://www.paulgoldinresearch.com/cg/

Mine is so true! I've been praying for a friend! hahaha..

You are seeking an affectionate relationship, offering fulfilment and happiness. You are capable of powerful emotional enthusiasm. Deep down, you are a kind loving person, always helpful and willing to adapt yourself if necessary to realise the bond of affection that you desire. But you need the same consideration and understanding from others and it is this need that will sometimes hold you back... so let go, trust and you may pleasantly surprised at what happens.

You are finding the present situation extremely demanding and you're having difficulty coping with it. A great deal of strain is involved and you would really like everyone and everything to leave you alone for a while, just so that you can put everything into perspective.

You have a high opinion of yourself. It is perhaps because of this self-centredness that you become exasperated when you feel that your needs are misinterpreted by those around you. When this happens - and it does quite often - you feel that there is no-one that can understand the way you feel and it is because of this egocentric self that you are quick to take offence.

You are being unduly influenced by the situation that is all around you. You do not like the feeling of loneliness and whatever it is that seems to separate you from others. You know that life can be wonderful and you are anxious to experience life in all its aspects, to live it to the full. You therefore resent any restriction or limitations that are being imposed on you and you insist on going it alone.

You wish to be left in peace... no more conflict and no more differences of opinion. In fact you just don't want to be involved in arguments of any shape or form. All you want is for 'them' to get on with it - and to leave you alone.

*** the office is SO DEAD today! everyone's already on vacation....
My deal

What utter disappointment. Daniel and I showed up at 9:30am promptly as requested. We spent the next 3-4 hours in makeup, wardrobe, and filling out paperwork. It was really exciting to see how much preparation goes behind television studios. I had spent the evening before tossing and turning, too nervous and excited for the show. I had gotten my eyebrows done at a very nice salon in Beverly Hills for the occasion and even got Daniel to go shopping for new shirts and pants, since they wanted us to bring 3-4 outfits. Wardrobe really liked my first pick outfit so I got to wear that.

In the corner of my eye, I saw another Asian couple. They were more "traditional" looking I guess you could say. Smaller eyes, very typical Asian cut bangs and that sort of thing. Daniel and I are probably more of the Asian American type you would see around LA.... and I always wondered why I never saw more people like us on TV.

I just can't explain how it feels in your gut to know that you COULD have been there---but for no reason or explanation you were picked to sit out.

Now I know why!!! Producers don't want "our look" on TV. And they don't want "too many Asians" on television at once. How do I know? Because after our 12 hour day of just waiting, I HAD to ask one of the assisting producers why we were not picked... and she looked at me in a way that said "I'm really sorry"... and she said "honestly... yeah you guys got screwed. It was probably ethnicity, hair, or whatever... but it really is up to that producer."

We got the sympathy looks all day from other producers and especially from the people who interviewed us and really liked us. All of them--- except for the one jerk-of-a-producer who held all the power to do whatever he wanted. He always walked right through us, never looking at our faces, cheering on and acting all silly to all the other couples. It was hard because whatever activity they were involved with, I was thinking--we are just as good!! The jerk-of-a-producer made this really cute rocker couple sing, because they looked like the type--- and everyone was cheering them on and I was thinking "UGH he's not even a singer!! Daniel could floor him with vocals." He kept asking "are you a dancer? do you dance?" and everyone was saying "huh? no." I wanted to scream "LET ME DANCE FOR YOU DAMMIT!" Everything translated into "why can't we be a part of this? are we doing something wrong?"

It really does hit a nerve when you're just watching... like an outsider, not allowed to be in. I know African-Americans have really had a terrible past and all... but hey, at least its NORMAL for you guys to be on television! It's a far 5-10 years for us Asians.

No matter how charismatic, pretty, funny or charming you are-- if you are Asian American, you have way more chances of being screwed just because of the way you look. Behind the scenes, it's all fixed on how they want it to look---"normal." But when will it be normal for us Asians? Will we always be the technicians of a studio and the Sound Guy behind the stage? Will our only credit be the text that scrolls up after the movies?? But there are Asian Americans EVERYWHERE! We are in the workspace, the local starbucks, the friend of your other friend.....Isn't that reality?

Sigh... so, uncross this off my bucket list. I don't know if I want to even be on TV anymore! A huge let down and disappointment to all television programs.

To the industry-- I wish you guys made it worth while for us. At least pay me back for my 2 days missing from work!

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

the first time...

today my boss took me to a luncheon because my other boss couldn't make it. it was the first time that i've been to a very posh, upper class sort of luncheon. it was the first time that i went into my boss' car and was able to really talk about our company and the business--- so it was great! i'm starting to really get comfortable with my job and the people. i would say that it takes about 6 months to get really comfortable, and i've been here for almost 8 months.

so the entire luncheon was kind of a fundraiser for this one design company that helps raise awareness for AIDS and the people of South Africa. it's one of those few times when i listened to social justice causes without any bit of God or Christianity involved.... it really is a different experience. when i went to the bathroom i could hear all these older upper class women talking about how they were crying in the movie about south africa and how sad it was. mmm... i don't know... i know what they were feeling was true compassion and sympathy--- but for some reason it just seemed so empty without any essence about something higher and truer than just this earth. i mean---i can't think about life and not think about what happens after life. they just come together for me.

anyways, the luncheon was held at the Beverly Hills hotel--which was the first time I've ever set foot there-- and it was really good food!! ALSO, the crazy thing was that on EVERY person's seat there was a Tiffany's box!! Each person got a Tiffany's silver frame.... and I think each person's lunch cost a few hundred dollars. That is crazy!

I understand that people need to have their high and classy fundraisers, and it IS fun to go.... but I don't know... am I weird for feeling weird about having an elaborate luncheon with Tiffany's frames to raise money for AIDS. I know I shouldn't be so judgemental... maybe it's the only way to get rich people to come??

dang...

Monday, June 23, 2008

so... tired.... from the weekend...

SATURDAY: had a double date with Spam (sam+ange) hehe. then went to a triple birthday celebration. I love hanging out with my cousins, we always talk about weird things, like multiple births and things like that. haha. it was also great cuz i got to see my cousin's new baby, Aiden Lee!

SUNDAY: we prepared to go on a hike in Malibu. It was very hot and I discovered that I'm so weak when it comes to hikes!! I'm glad we did it though, it was quite dangerous! Beck got battle wounds and we all slipped & slid around.... all except Brian, who didn't even look like he went hiking.

before:

after:

the dried up waterfall that we were hiking to

i have mud on my face, but it looks like i was crying!

my dirty butt from sliding all over the place.

and Brian looks exactly the same

daniel was literally carrying me over certain points where there were bees and dragging me the last quarter mile back. hehe...

and then we dropped a bottle of water in the pond area... but we didn't want to litter and leave it there! so daniel went to the rescue...

here's a lil entertaining clip for you: