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| Why I Could Never Be a Pastor -- Reason #173
I am spending this summer living with relatives in Ephrata so that I don't have a horribly long commute to my work at MCC everyday. This evening, they came to me and said, "We have a theological question, and thought we would come to our theologian." They proceeded to tell me how they are giving a very substantial tithe, but with the economy going as it is, they are finding this tithe to be very hard for them. They asked me what I think God would think of them just giving the typical 10% tithe.
My reaction to their question was mixed. I felt honored that they would seek out my advice on an issue that they think is quite important, but I was also quite humbled and terrified by the opportunity before me. I knew that whatever my answer was, they would take that answer very seriously. I knew that I was in a position to influence what they think of God, the Bible and the church from which they get the majority of their religious teaching. As anyone who knows me will know, my religious beliefs are, like me, "unique." Thus, it was with great trepidation that I even tried to advise them. (For those who are curious about how I handled the situation, I pointed them to Deuteronomy 14:22-27 where the text notes that the tithe is set apart to be used to eat, drink, celebrate, etc. I mentioned something about how I didn't think God meant for the tithe to be a burden but rather as a means of celebrating wisely and responsibly.)
All in all, the experience left me feeling rather anxious. While it was an honor that they would seek out my thoughts, I was also very painfully aware of the position of power in which they put me. Thus, reason #173 why I will never be a pastor is simply that having that sort of authority over people scares me. It scares me to think that they would trust me to advise them and that I could advise them horribly wrong. While I would certainly not be happy to discover at the end of this life that I was positively wrong about everything, I would be scared to death that I would force my own wrong ideas upon others. I guess that there is a comfort in knowing that if I dabble on in the academic field, my students might only look to be as an arbiter in matters of the intellect and not of the soul. But really, if I am honest with myself, in my own life, the intellect and soul are nearly indisinguishable.
So, maybe, what I'm really saying in all of this, is that even if I avoid being a pastor, even the "safer" route of teaching will still present me with the problem of being trusted to have answers. May the Lord grant me the wisdom and discernment to guide my future students along correct paths.
~Melly~ *thoughtfully*
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| The Mystery of Marriage
Well, I am now officially the new Mrs. Howard. The wedding was positively perfect in every way imaginable. Absolutely nothing went wrong, and I left the day feeling glad that I didn't elope, despite my strong desire to when I was in the throes of the wedding planning stage. At one point, as I stood roasting marshmallows over the bonfire that we had going at the reception, I looked over to the adjacent lake and saw people fishing and looked behind me and saw other people dancing happily to the music. I realized that I really couldn't have designed a more perfect celebration. It was quite simply a lovely day.
Going back to work on Monday, though, was quite possibly the worst feeling in the entire world. In hind sight, I probably should have taken off work another day or two, but I can't really change that now. In many ways, going back to work made the whole thing seem as though it had never happened. I was sitting at the same desk, doing the same things, with the same people......and I'm still living in Ephrata, apart from my husband. (My husband.....such a strange phrase....) I find it so difficult to remind myself that I am indeed married now. It doesn't really feel like it. Perhaps the only thing that makes me realize that I am married is that I seem to miss Jeremiah so much more than before. There's something about being separated from my husband that seems so radically different and more painful than just being separated from my fiance. Strange.
Also, while avoiding too many rather personal details, let me just say that Jer and I fit together in more than one way.  I can definitely handle the "becoming one flesh" thing for the rest of my life.....multiple times a day. Hehe. Oh, married life will be good.
~Melly~ *aka. Mrs. Howard*
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| Honeymoons, Sex and the In-Laws
Despite how embarrassing this was at the time, it's really just too funny to keep to myself. As Jer and I were working on planning where we will actually be staying for our wedding night, the following Skype conversation transpired:
Melly: i'll defer to you, all i really want is a place to have great sex and free breakfast, that [hotel] would fulfill both criteria
Jer: you know my dad is right here at the computer
Jer: my dad says, "ask how red she is now"
Melly: oops.......
So, a word to the wise, it's always good to know your audience.
~Melly~ *always with the same two things on her mind*
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| I'll Probably Regret This...
...but I'm going to write about politics anyway. I think probably the last time I wrote about politics in the ole xanga was back during the Bush-Kerry election, and I was in full support of Bush. Obviously, I look back at that time and cringe...a lot. So, it is with some trepidation that I even allow myself to publicly post anything about politics. Perhaps another few months or years down the road I will again cringe that I let myself out of my theological bubble to think about politics.
In the department that I work in at MCC, we have a "mandatory" snack break every Thursday morning at 10. It's a beautiful tradition and always reminds me how much I really should just convert to being a Mennonite for the sheer fact that Mennonites are marvelous at feeding people, and I am marvelous at eating. That aside, at this morning's break, one woman who originally hails from either Russia or Ukraine (I honestly don't know...) brought up this conversation, and I found myself very intrigued. She mentioned that in most of her social circles there is wide support of Obama, and so she naturally tends to just assume that everyone is generally an Obama fan. However, she was shocked the other day when she found herself in conversation with someone who suggested that they had fears about the increased risk of Obama being assassinated because of the severe racist undercurrents that run through parts of American society. I really had not even thought about that before, but I think it's probably true. Even by running for president, Obama puts himself at a great personal and physical risk. Obama is putting his family at risk.
This line of thinking made me stop to consider what it really means to be a leader and what it really means to be the family of such a leader. It made me stop to consider that even in my own silly dreams of wanting to become a great biblical scholar, I will inevitably take risks and put those I love at risk in the process. That made me think, too, of the fact that when I marry in 16 short days (my gosh, that's soon), I covenant to my husband that I will accept the risks that he takes and put myself at risk for his sake, just as he will do the same for me.
So, maybe this really wasn't about politics after all. Maybe this was just about human relationships.
~Melly~ *riskingly*
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| Attack of the -Itis! I began my time with MCC by promptly coming down with conjunctivitis and actue sinusitis. What a great welcome to Lancaster County. Antibiotics have become my new best friend. In other news, Jeremiah and I are ever closer to owning "our" house in Indiana. Our offer was accepted (beating the other offer on the house by just $10), and we are now just awaiting (a hopefully favorable) home inspection. From there, it's full steam ahead to closing on June 6 and officially owning our first home. The plan these days is for us to move out to Indiana during our "honeymoon" (real romantic, huh?), and then for me to return to PA to finish out my time at MCC. Thus, joyfully (take note of my sarcasm), I will be able to spend the first two months of married life away from my husband. Marvelous. But it will be nice to already go somewhere where I'm "settled" before starting up at Notre Dame. Speaking of Notre Dame, I had my first "First Day of Classes Nightmare" about Notre Dame. As nightmares tend to go, it was an odd little thing given that I was in a philosophy class and I will be studying theology. Oh the tricks that one's unconscious can play on one during the night! Life back in Ephrata/Akron is otherwise good, and I'm looking forward to the many changes the summer promises to bring. ~Melly~ *mucusly* | | |
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