| i jus officially don't know what to say.. no one does. |
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| ok.. i've been thinking and i'm writing down "MY FEELINGS" read it if you want or if not.. don't bother.
Why do i have to look in the mirror? why do i have bad thoughts? why can't i take a compliment? why can't i be confident? why do i think i am disgusting? why am i like this? notice all the questions are why? well i did. i jus want to be confident, happy i'm so sick of walking down a street or hall and looking at people wondering what's kind of horrible thing they are thinking bout me. i can't understand.. i want to understand so bad.. but it's like the impossible.. it's impossible for me to be happy.. i want answers. i may sound selfish.. but you go through this and tell me you wouldn't be like this once and a while. maybe you do understand? i don't know but i DON'T understand what goes through my head.. i can't figure it out for the life of me. i think and think and think.. i jus want some answers some results.. do you ever feel like you could pray on everything you ever loved.. for some answers? well i do but i don't understand God.. i really don't "he works in mysterious ways" fuck that he hasn't done shit for me. i want to believe he has.. but really he hasn't.. and i can't understand why all these people have horrible things going on in their life.. and can still pray to god. its stupid and unreal.. i don't understand it and prolly never will.. you make think i'm stupid and selfish.. i care i really do but i'm to the point now where i can't help what i think.. i can't make a thought go away it stays in my head til i figure everything out.. i want love.. i want someone to say damn rachael you are so beautiful.. and wrap their arms around me and never let go.. i have never had that.. i've never had someone tell me they love me.. and really mean it.. really really mean it.. except for two people and i love them to death. you are my girls.. my big sister and my BEST friend.. i'll never let you go if you hate me.. i couldn't let you go cuz your so special to me. you guys prolly have no idea what i'm talkin bout or don't understand this.. i'm sorry.. but now i'm done.. so in conclusion... i jus want someone to really love me... i want to be happy.. and confident.. and not doubt what i'm doing is RIGHT.. is that so bad?
</3 Rach... so broken hearted. |
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think about it. that's all i have to say. |
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<if you only knew?
<poetry = <333 
<I'll go away i swear
<33333
<please?
and i'm done... sorry so depressing these are what i got.. i REALLY have nothing better to do on a friday night.