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midgetmachine
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Name: Alina
Country: United States
State: Maryland
Metro: Montgomery County
Birthday: 6/3/1988
Gender: Female
Interests: I'm just a strange, possibly even eccentric, girl, trying to make her way through life. Give me a good book, good music, good people and I'm happy. Oh. and good food. I love star wars, my friends and having as much fun as possible.
Expertise: Writing....An expert at being short, lazy, and getting squished by poison mangos :-D Breaking out into songs that fit the situation. Life is a musical!
Occupation: Student
Industry: Geology, English
Message: message meEmail: email me
AIM:  anila88
Member Since:
1/22/2004
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| And I'm off to India. We're leaving today, in a little bit and won't be back for 2 weeks or so. I'm excited. terribly excited. So long, farewell, I bid you all adieu.
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| Here I go again on my ownSo here I am, in a spot which I haven't been in for 3 years, give or take a few weeks. Single. The place that many girls fear being in, the place too many guys I know love. Here I am. And you know what, I'm looking forward to it. The last time I was single I was in high school and at that point, well, life just doesn't have the same wonderful qualities and meaning it does now. I don't want to be in any relationships anytime soon. I intend to take this time and work on my relationship with myself. I need to be able to depend upon myself, to be happy on my own.
For a while yesterday I sat outside with my doggies and felt sorry for myself. Here I was single again, my doing, but single nonetheless. I was scared of being alone and suddenly my life felt... pointless, useless, like I had nothing to live for. As soon as those thoughts made themselves heard I was taken aback. When had I become so dependent on having a significant other that I felt my own life was pointless without one? How ridiculous for anyone to feel that way. Granted for most people a major goal is to get married, to find that one person who completes them and to share their life with, a partner if you will. But to only feel fulfilled when that goal is achieved or when you are with someone, well, I will not be that girl. I want to feel fulfilled with myself, be fulfilled with my own accomplishments and experiences.
I don't know what exactly that is going to entail for me. Just living I suppose. Figuring out who I am truly will take thinking, talking, some soul searching. Xanga will probably make a bit more of a come back in my life. It's always been a place I either rant or gloat and I think it's time for a transformation. Something more introspective. I've always been pretty good at talking about shallow things but try getting me to talk about emotions and I pull complete blanks. I can never explain myself or how I feel sufficiently enough to satisfy anyone and I have to resort to half-assed explanations and cliches that don't even scratch the surface of how I feel. Of course, there are times when... I just feel. It can't just be me, there must be others who just feel and can't help changes in said feelings.
Honestly, I feel like friendships are much more stable then romantic relationships. I know this is just slightly off topic but I haven't written in so long that I have so many thoughts floating around in my head who want to be heard. With friendships you slowly grow to know each other, its not rushing headlong into something, feelings and hormones buzzing and excited, drunk on infatuation. You don't just over look flaws, you can see them and deal with them. And then of course are the long nights of talking and helping each other with problems, continuously growing closer and closer and really, truly, completely getting to know each other.
Romantic relationships, at least in my experience, are whirlwind affairs. They start fast and pick you up in this rush of emotion where all the things that pose problems are just totally overlooked and we grasp to the things that we have in common as if they're life vests, the only things keeping us afloat. Clearly, I haven't made the best decisions in who I date. I've dated people who aren't, as Meghan put it, in tune with me. It doesn't mean they're bad people, just not right for me. To date. As friends, well that a totally different story. I feel like it would work out better. It would be something more stable, more tangible.
But for now, the most important relationship will be the one with me. Its the one that needs the most work. I'm excited for what life will bring me next, I feel ready to do anything take on the world. We'll see where I go from here. | | |
| Song of the MomentIf I Never See Your Face Again - Maroon 5 feat. Rihanna
[Adam]
Now as the summer fades, I let you slip away
You say I’m not your type, But I can make you sway.
It makes you burn to learn, You’re not the only one
I'd let you be if you put down your blazing gun.
[Rihanna]
Now you’ve gone somewhere else, Far away
I don’t know if I will find you (find you, find you).
But you feel my breath, On your neck
Can’t believe I’m right behind you (right behind you).
[Both]
‘Cause you keep me coming back for more
And I feel a little better than I did before
And if I never see your face again, I don’t mind
‘Cause we gone much further than I thought we'd get tonight
[Rihanna]
Sometimes you move so well
It’s hard not to give in.
[Adam]
I’m lost, I can’t tell
Where you end and I begin.
[Rihanna]
It makes you burn to learn
I'm with another man.
[Adam]
I wonder if he’s half
The lover that I am.
[Adam]
Now you’ve gone somewhere else, Far away
I don’t know if I will find you (find you, find you).
But you feel my breath, On your neck
Can’t believe I’m right behind you (right behind you).
[Both]
‘Cause you keep me coming back for more
And I feel a little better than I did before
And if I never see your face again, I don’t mind
‘Cause we gone much further than I thought we'd get tonight
[Adam]
Baby, baby
Please believe me
Find it in your heart to reach me
Promise not to leave me behind
(Promise not to leave me behind)
[Rihanna]
Take me down, but take it easy
Make me think but don’t deceive me
Talk to me bout taking your time
(Talk to me, talk to me)
[Adam]
‘Cause you keep me coming back for more
And I feel a little better than I did before
[Both]
And if I never see your face again, I don’t mind
‘Cause we gone much further than I thought we'd get tonight
[Both]
‘Cause you keep me coming back for more
And I feel a little better than I did before
And if I never see your face again, I don’t mind
‘Cause we gone much further than I thought we'd get tonight
In fact, Maroon 5 may just be my summer band. We'll see. I love the beats, the melodies, it all just works. They're a little agnsty, a little lovey, a little angry, a little dancey, pretty perfect.
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| Whitefish Fucking Falls (and after)It's been a while, clearly. I'm home now, but it's taken me some time to get here. Friday the 9th (may) Mike's parents were ever so kind and came to get my stuff which they hung on to while I was away at Whitefish Falls. I left for that on Sat morning, 8 am. I was so terribly worried that I wouldn't really know anyone and that finding a cabin would be difficult but of course my fears were unfounded. Let me just say that the field course was amazing. I met some really interesting, intriguing, fun people with whom I hope there will be friendships when i get back to school.
We started out a little later then 8, probably like 8:40 or so. I immediately gravitated toward Aisha because we had already worked together and she was friends with Tomi and Fuyo so it ended up being the four of us in a cabin. There were cliques that formed at once. UTMississauga Geologists, St. George Geos (me and my 4 included) and the Mining Engineers. We went grocery shopping to liquor store and beer store before we finally got to the place. It was 6ish. we made dinner and there was a camp fire. The next day we started looking at the rocks of the area and began to see identifying features and structures that are important in mapping. We had work to do that night and everynight after and thus settled into a nice little routine. Get back, shower, cook, eat, work, chill/drink/fire, get up at 7, make lunch, and go. Repeat. The second day it decided to rain, all day, which was unhappy. On the third day we had to split into two groups one of 22 and one of 14. The split was pretty obvious; geologists and engineers. Unfortunately that came out to 23 and 13... someone had to cross over to the dark side. I sacrificed myself, but it turned out to be a great thing.
The mins were an interesting bunch, quite the characters.
Cowboy - Mike, he looks JUST like a cowboy, wore a hat, had an accent, the sunlines around his mouth when he smiled, and everything. His family owns a show jumping stable. At first he was a bit of an asshole but he warmed up to me and we got along just great.
Jeannot - The frenchman. He was also a bit of an asshole at first, but he was tons of fun. We play fought alot, and he did actually make me bleed a bit (grrr) but it was ok, i made him. And eye for an eye.
The Persian - Bahador. The first time I really experienced him he was incredibly drunk and going on and on about this other fellow that we all despised and how many redbulls he liked to drink. it was hilarious. bahador was actually a very sweet fellow and quite the cook.
Chris - he was loud and fun and as they liked to say, he has no filter. He thinks things and they just come right out of his mouth. But it was really cool cause he was in my sci fi class and he had read Ilium (which is my new fav book) and so we talked and talked about books and sci fi and it was amazing.
Emily - She reminded me alot of Emily, looked similar, a responsible, take charge kind of girl. I don't think she liked me very much, but I tried. We talked a little bit not much tho.
Grace - The asian girl, she was very sweet, we sang harmonies in rent together one night, it was cool. She plays jazz guitar which i thought was pretty wicked. Again, I didn't really talk very much with her.
Raj - one of the funniest guys EVER and one of my mapping partners. Indian, tall, hilarious after 11am. In the morning he could be a huge butt. But everyday, i was laughing and laughing. He draws so very well, and he could do accents soooo well.
Adriano - Italian, my other partner and the other funny man. Those two had me cracking up constantly, they'd do this Don and Hitman thing, it was soooooo funny. He was great to work with, both of them were and we had similar taste in music so when we'd work on our map it was more talking about music then actual working for a bit.
Scotty - incredibly talented, fun, fantastic fellow. He was my strat partner (we got to work in the rain, yah...) and we totally hit it off. Blonde boy, pretty funny. we had this running joke, kinda lame but it was hilarious at the time. "This is madness, no this is GEOLOGY!!" and then "we will map in the rain!" ok, well, they were funny at the time. When i first met him i thought he was one of those idiot guys, the class clown type deals but he was actually quite smart, totally not an idiot.
Anyway, it was a fantastic experience, and i vaguely miss it. we all had some good times around the campfire and out in the field. After it was done, daddy and uncle cj came to get mike and i. I went to see Ironman with mins on wednesday and that night Daddy met his parents and loaded the van which took all of 5 min. They seemed to get along well which is good. We drove home, got here at 6:30 ish and mike met mommy, marissa elli and the boys. everyone loved him, not that i expected anything less. he is a very loveable fellow.  my family is a bit overwhelming but he seemed to handle it ok. The next day (friday) we went downtown and wandered around DC. Lincoln memorial, washington memorial, and the air and space museum. It was great fun and that night we went to Fudruckers with la familia and zach eiser. Mike and I left a little earlier and went to see Indy with Jill and Aj.
It was good, I loved it. It was exactly what an Indy movie is supposed to be; funny, fun, plenty of action, and fantastical. The ending was a bit WTF but they always have been. I loved the Jr. parallels and well, just everything was great. except the random tarzan-esque scene... that was unnecessary. Emily and Sean came over that night, laaaaaaaate and we took the camero out for a spin. it was so fantastic! mmmm you should have heard the engine, the way it purrrrrrrrrrrrrrrred.... Heaven! The next day we grilled, auntie balin and uncle ron came over along with the eisers and sean. we took out the camero again to refine sean's driving and then daddy let us take out the mazda... *drool* oh that soooooooooo made my day. the rx-8 drives like a dream, its amazing.
After dinner and driving there was the playing of Taboo. We did girls against boys and girls totally pwned. ha! but once mike joined the guys they started doing better. he's pretty brilliant. that was fun, lots of yelling and laughing. we went to doug's house after that and chilled for a bit. Mike FINALLY played beer pong and wasn't half bad.
Sunday we had dinner at my dads and that was nice. heh, mike has now gotten a taste of my driving which is most incredible by the way.  monday he had to leave which was sad but i'll see him again soon, its not so bad. I hung out with arthur that night, hadn't seen him in forever so it was loverly. we went to georgetown which nice and talked for hours and hours.
This friday was marissa's graduation. I can't believe that she's done with high school, it kinda makes me feel old. Im so very proud of her, and excited to see how she like uni. yesterday we went to church and then daddy's for lunch. hung around there till 5 or so and then came home to meet jill and play baulder's gate. Mom, jill, auntie susan and i went to se sex and the city which i felt was a perfect ending to the series. jill and i came back and proceeded to beat act 1 of the game. only two more acts left!
today has been incredibly lazy seeing as how im still in my pj's.... heh. andrew and matthew are here and playing vid games and elli is sitting over there mostly studying. sorry this has been so long in the coming but life has been busy! just the way i like it.
actually, truth be told, im missing canada. I miss mike and kristina and meghan. *sigh* i probably wont see my girls till school starts again which sucks big time. its hard, im so used to seeing them everyday and to go to never seeing them... well it makes me sad.
i should go change now, dinner at daddy's.
Peace and Love  
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| Going away for ten days, Whitefish Falls for my geo trip. Mike and rents are taking my stuff now... so.... goodbye for a while.
Peace and love
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