I just rang the Ashburn and spoke to them. They were really nice. The nurse has a bulldog too and says she wants to be the first to meet my baby. This has helped me relax a little. I am going to be heart broken without him by myside. He follows me all placces and since he was 7.5 weeks old we have never been apart. Theodore you are my one true love and I dont care that your a dog your like a child to me and I would do anything for you absolutly anything you are my precious baby.I have also found out what I may take with me. i will get the mailing address and phone when I arrive there. I will then post it for anyone who wants to be nice and send me a letter. i brought the most gorgeous Winnie The Pooh letter paper so I promise to write back.

I have been to my favorite places online and posted there. Some of them I havent visited in a while mostly because of the seizures and generally feeling like a death rolled over and served cold. I said thanks there but I want to do it again. A lot of people think that the internet is just that, the internet. It is not for me. All of you out there know whom I love and how much your friendships have meant. I have been a very lonely girl in my reality. You know I walked outside the other day. i had forgotten what it felt like to feel the wind against my cheek or to suffer the concrete under my shoes. My hair had grown so much I could feel it brush against my waist. I could not remember the last time I had left the house.

During that time I was many hours many nights without sleep and I spoke to my friends. People who listenend, people who cared, people who have loved and offered support. I have come through depression, I have survived suicide, I have become a reformed alcoholic and the only signs of my self injury are the scars which lace my arms.

This is so much more and the only times I have ever spoken of some of the most difficult subjects of my life has been with people online. You know more about eme and are more involved in all areas of my growth thropugh life than my own blood. Some of you it has been 5 or 6 years god how time flies. I am looking forward to a future where you can worry less and be proud of me. Thank you all for helping me begin to see that there is someone left worth saving.